discordant love poem.

to my baron, who was at least clever enough to let me slip away. none of the games are any good. they do no good.

it's your writing, and being in love with words and thoughts and ideas
and the tangibility of flesh

is just one incentive.

 

Will you would you let me wreck you
until you are truly dead against the rocks?
That is very kind of you.
 But I am not a nice girl
and I'm sorry if I tricked you
into thinking that.
Really I am.

I am possessive and I wear many masks.
But you are sweet.
Leave your eyes and brain with me,
and you can still
take your heart and run.

An unreliable narrator can really mess you up.
I have no way of telling you of colors you haven't seen
because you still have your sight.
You will see like me when

when you're older,
maybe
when you're blind
      and bleeding and hungry.

But damn,
we are
cute together.

I have to laugh because it's stupid how much I like you.

Reviews

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

"...dead against the rocks"
part of me secretly delights in being destroyed by love
one of those thing you love and hate
maybe because it gives me the inspiration for self-exploration and art
I'm sure I'm out of my 9 tiger lives
I love how honest and personal this is
it really draws you in psychologically and emotionally
it's kind of a siren song for the intellectual brain
it's all right there in black and white
and hmm, you have to keep me informed about how this ends
I do love the twisty ending
one of those endings you can start with...
a joke epiphany that you're not quite sure
exactly when you first noticed it

[caesarkreshen]

Could cut "an unreliable narrator can really mess you up."

and the last line.

[just_teague]

I think you're right. I like the unreliable narrator, but I think I could definitely rework this poem to be more subtle in general. Thanks for your input.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

I love that line. you should keep it.

[.]

~ dear poetess... you're a very gifted poetess... :)

[just_teague]

Niijikwe, you are very kind to me.

[.]

~ not at all... i was speechless... by the time i reached the last line... i was just smiling... endlessly... ~ this was like a tequila shot of love... beautifully written... :)