dear diary

This is a writing I have done for a contest on another site, but thought I'd post it on here. Since writing is still writing, enjoy the madness!

Dear Diary,

I woke up in a strange place, and I don't know where I am. Nor how I got here, or why I was put in this room. My mind is still a bit foggy....... it's like a night after drinking or having a bad trip. I can't remember a single thing...... oh why can't I remember, think, think, think. There's a door, I am going to see if it opens, and what's on the other side if anything.

Hmmm..... what's this a note taped to the door? It says I have been chosen for a special science project. But they don't say what kind, or what if anything they are going to do on or with me. I didn't remember signing up for this or did I? Anyway time to see what's on the other side.

Dear Diary,

Just woke up again, and thought I was dreaming about being captured; but nope here I am! The door did open for me, and I walked out. Wasn't sure if I could get back in so I placed a rock to keep the door from shutting securely. Now I am going to recall all that I saw to let you know what I see. So far the building looks like a shack, but a well designed one. Lots of food, water, and other necessities are inside.

Yet where do I begin, hmmmm. I am on what appears to be an island, the sky is blue with no clouds in site ( very strange- not even one single puffy white cloud) The beach seems to stretch on forever, too. I didn't venture very far the first day, maybe today I will. It seems to be a nice day, and there what looks like a jungle. Oh, that reminds me, I must find a stick to carry with me for protection. Yet so far I haven't heard any birds chirping or flying around.

I wonder why this is since the jungle looks to be very lush? Another strange anomaly of this place I have found myself in. Well I must go eat then get ready for my trek into the jungle. Sure wish they left a camera to use, but no matter I'll remember what I see. And maybe collect a few of the flowers or whatever else I happen to find. Check you later diary.

Dear Diary,

It's day three of being in this place- where ever that may be. You would not believe the variety of flowers, plants and other vegetation I saw yesterday. Yet I still have not heard a single bird chirping. I still can't fathom why this would bug me, but it does. It seems God had a purpose for making a variety of birds, like nature's own music. I recall where I was before finding myself here- every morning I would here all sorts of birds. Although I don't miss the other sounds, like cars whizzing by or the gardeners with their stupid contraptions. Here it's peaceful, serene, and I do believe I slept better than I ever have. I don't have a television now that I think about it. I wonder why they didn't give me one? It's like I am going back to a time before electricity was invented. Because I do have a lantern, a box of matches and some kind of liquid on the table.

But I don't mind since when its light I get up, then when it gets dark I lay down and either think or fall asleep. Oh I do think they have some books here, if I get the notion to read. But when its nice outside, why stay inside? Besides I want to walk down the beach after some breakfast to see what I can see, maybe gather some sea shells. The temperature is pretty nice, but not near enough for a dip in the water. Well time for some nourishing food, I'll be back later to tell you what I saw and gathered off the beach.

Dear Diary,

I was going to write you last night, but I was so peaceful inside. It's funny how being disconnected from all the tech devises can bring a sense of relief to a person. The mind becomes much clearer when you're not muddled down with the constant obsessions of checking emails, seeing who is or isn't interested in getting to know you. As I walked down the beach all I thought of was how peaceful being here is. I didn't get very far, I think about a mile from this shack and sat down to just stare out into the watery deep. The sea looked so endless, and the waves constantly crashed in and out.

Dear Diary,

Today I feel sick, I've got cramping in my left side. Not sure what it's from either, so I am just going to sit here and watch the clouds roll by. Hmmmm......... clouds?

Dear Diary,

Again I stirred feeling nauseous, every move I made hurt my body. I did my best to ignore the pain, along with the annoying ringing in my ears......... but it did no good. Sleep is what my body needs, desires..... so good night!

Dear Diary,

Its day seven and after a fitful night of sleep, I stumbled out of this bed. Nothing new to write about as I still feel like I've been run over by a truck. I wonder if they are using me for some sick experiment. To see how I react to whatever they injected me with. Well I am going to show them I am one tough woman. Just need more sleep. One more day, and I should be back to normal ( I hope).

Dear Diary,

Day eight and since I've been here I have lost track of the days. I don't know if its the beginning or end of the week. Guess it doesn't really matter to much either. At least I am feeling a little better today, I got up and had a bite to eat, along with some hot tea. When you are sick there is nothing better than a hot steamy cup of tea. I might try and go out, and get some sun today. Listen to the waves crashing against the shore. Hmmmm........ I don't have a hat, so maybe I'll find some palm leaves and make my own. Time to get my body some fresh air now.

Dear Diary,

Oh what a day, the sun is shining and boy do I feel better at least 80% now. I do believe I will take a walk into the jungle to see what is there. Besides this bout of sickness, this place isn't bad. At least I'm not stuck in a cage like those terrorist have been. Come to think of it, wouldn't you have thought their God-Allah would save them? I don't expect my God to help me since I turned my back on him years ago. But I'm sure if I called on him he'd come to my aide. He is a loving kind God, and never would forsake another soul!

Well time I got out of this shack, I have to call home for now. “Wonder if I should take a bag with me in case I find something interesting? Still I'm curious as to the lack of birds flying over? Maybe there will be some sign of life, other life besides me on this island. I'll surely let you know if I see or hear anything.

Dear Diary,

I didn't see anything, nor anyone; which to me seems very strange. I am getting a weird vibe about a few things I have seen. Here is a list of some of the anomalies so far:

1. no fish

2. no birds

3. no wildlife

4. only certain places I can go

5. the sky never changes, its always blue

6. minimal clouds?

I am sure there are very plausible explanations for these anomalies, but I surely don't know right now...... I aim to find out though. First, I need a nap, must have eaten too much. After a short nap I will see if I find any bugs in the grass or on the plants.

Dear Diary,

I find this new solitude sometimes a good thing, then at other times a bad thing. Still unsure of the reason I'm here, where ever it may be. I guess there are reasons for other human contact. In my other life, prior to the one I find myself in I had some contact.

Even if it was to say hi to my neighbors, seeing them locked into their own pathetic life. Each probably thinking “ oh whoa is me”. As I look around in this place I am in , its rather cozy. A little place with all the necessities one person could want or need.

I would like to hear or see a bird or two. All I seem to have here are dust bunnies, and not many of the either. And when the sun shines through the window, I can see the dust dancing as the air is moving around. Tis' funny how simple dust can be pretty if its hit with the right kind of light. Well its getting dark so I best get some rest now.

Dear diary,

Its day 12, of my being here and as I sit here on this bed I'm beginning to reminiscense about a few things I miss. Like watching a good television program, or movie. But you know what, even though its only been two weeks its funny how you begin to miss the little things of life. I have all the essentials of life- water, food, living quarters. So why should I be gloomy? Yet the lack of other little things have begun to bug me a bit. Maybe a nice walk on the beach will help get my mind off of me missing my favorite shows.

I still haven't found any other life forms on this island........ very strange. Yet I'm not giving up in my search for even the slightest bug. There are plants outside, so you'd assume there would be some kind of insects here.

Dear Diary,

Nothing has changed, I still do basically the same things everyday- get up, eat, take a walk, eat again, read some, then sit and watch the ocean. Not that any of this is a bad thing, its rather peaceful. No hearing about any of the bad things this...... or that world had. All the fighting amongst the nations, health scares, why I can even remember our own nation in turmoil. Why couldn't they get along? Bickering about the littlest thing, some even running to another state just to keep from voting. Who's acting like a child now? Sheesh!!!!!

So in a way I'm kind of glad that I'm here...... again where ever this is. As I look out the main window, I can see a slight movement in the leaves on the trees outside. You can not imagine how utterly peaceful this is for me. I can go outside and walk onto the beach feeling the sun, its like being hugged by God himself!

Hmmmm...... seems I have seen a Bible here somewhere. Maybe I will take it out with me while I sit at the beach. First its time to eat some breakfast, and get dressed. Then I will go out and scour the land for bugs again, since I still haven't found any yet.

Dear diary,

Oh I am so excited, because I found a small critter. I think its called a titmouse, and I sat and watched it quietly eating some nuts it found. He or she is a small grayish brown in color, and has the cutest ears. It also has the brownest eyes I have seen in a long time.

I didn't get to close, so as to scare it off. But to know I'm not alone on this island is fantastic- even if its another animal. If there is just one, maybe I'll find more. Right now I feel I need a walk, maybe I just might find some sea life too. It could be they were hiding from me, or I wasn't aware of them. Who knows...... but I will let you know!

Dear diary,

I seemed to have slept well last night, only upon waking I could swear I heard voices. Some people speaking about cats I believe. I looked around after rising, but found no one. Boy how real it seemed too. Oh well guess I will just grab a bite to eat, get dressed and head back out to the beach. Looks like a great day to be outside, and maybe start on my tan. I won't be embarrassed about being almost naked since I am the only one here. At least I haven't seen anyone or anything yet. But I'm not giving up yet, its only been two weeks. I have you to talk to........ so I 'm really not alone.

Dear diary,

today is a blustery day( like Winnie the Pooh would say). I stepped outside for a moment, but the air is still warm. So I may tie my hair back while I go sit at the beach. I had a great night of sleep, so I am full of energy. Funny how it does help your body, getting a full 8-9 hours of sleep. Now that I am energized, I think I might try reading “Moby Dick” again. I still don't remember ever being told to read it during my school years. Of course, I wasn't in the higher learning classes, so maybe that's why. Well now is a good time to read it, and find out why it was such a great and revered book. Must have something to eat first, then get ready for the beach!

Dear diary,

When I woke up today, it seemed like any other day. Yet I am sure this day, March 17^th was of some importance to someone at one time. As I was getting dressed I found a green dress that looked nice, so I put it on. While looking in the mirror it dawned on me the importance of this day! It is or was St. Patrick's Day, oh how could I forget being of Irish descent. Being confined or away from other people tends to cause you to not care about things like that.

So I guess I am neither Irish, Scottish or American. No land do I belong to, nor ethnicity for that fact. I am merely a human being, a minor speck in the grand scheme of things. Maybe being here has brought out a more philosophical view of life. I can remember being so worried about money, bills, and whether or not I'd have enough food to eat. Tis a crazy life I lead, now I am here where its peaceful. I know I am only going to be here a month, but I don't want to leave. Yet I am sure my family misses me, and I miss them too. I need to take a walk thinking about them makes me sad........ I don't like feeling sad....

Dear diary,

It's day 18, and I am at peace within my soul. Even though I'm alone, or so it seems. I have an eerie feeling I'm being watched or observed. Hmmm....... didn't that note say I was part of an experiment, can't remember where I put it right now. No matter as I have food, amazing clothes to wear ( far better than I had before) and the most comfortable bed ever.

Although I would like some art supplies, a drawing pad, water color paper and paint; maybe a few canvasses. I wonder if I could make my own paper, or do what my ancestors did and paint on the rocks or walls. I'm sure I could find the necessary tools to make my own colors. Right now I need to eat first, then go out and gather what I feel I'd need. Let you know what I find!

Dear Diary,

It's a cold and rainy day here. Again I do not know where that may be, so today I think it's best to stay inside. I feel tired so I don't think I'll get dressed, just stay in my jammie's and warm robe. After eating I might do some reading, since there is a whole wall of books to choose from. Although I am still having a hard time reading the book “Moby Dick!” What is with this line “ call me Ishmael”........ sounds like he is referring to something from the Bible.

Oh maybe I will begin to read the good book, get some spirituality back into my soul. But first I must feed my physical body first. It's a lazy day, so maybe I'll take a nap later too. So until later diary........ I guess this place gets some clouds if its raining outside.

Dear diary,

Again I woke to what seems like a stormy day. Yet so far no rain has come down from the gray sky. Another day stuck inside, sure would be nice to watch a movie. Just curl up on my bed, keeping warm under a blanket........ one problem with that " no electricity!

Oh well guess I'll just sit and watch the wind blowing through the trees. Makes it seem like I have no cares int the world. Oh sure I miss some things, mainly other people. What I don't miss is hearing about the fighting amongst countries, the noise from daily life, even people laughing. And how different people intrude conversing on their cell phones around others. So annoying when you think they are talking to you, only to find they are speaking to someone you can't see! So crazy huh....

After I eat I'll just sit and stare out of this window. God its so peaceful here- I love it.

Dear diary,

I had another fretful night of sleep last night. Sure wish I had some beers to help lull my brain so I can sleep. Not only did it storm all night long- rain, rain, and more rain came down from the sky. I laid awake trying to remember something I had made a promise to do for a friend.

God I feel like a crazy person....... am I slowly losing my mind? I feel broken...... broken, now why does that word spurn my mind into action. Ugh, I hate when I can't remember something that is obviously very important. Oh well, it will come to me eventually. But whatever it was, I guess its too late to rectify now.

I am here, wherever this is, and semi-enjoying myself. I do miss getting to interact with others- no matter who they may be. Oh I do have God...... but he never replies to me. Well I can't say that, because I am not sure how he does communicate with us humans. I know from reading the Bible he sent his messengers down here. So who knows how he does it now, he is all powerful!

Oh, I am getting a migraine from all this thinking. I may go eat something, and drink some water. After that since the rain has stopped, I will go out and get some sun. Rest my brain, while relaxing in the sunshine and try to remember what I was supposed to do last night. Hmmmmm..... remember, remember.........

Dear diary,

Good Morning!

I woke up to not only a sunny day, but I remembered what I was going to do the other night. Even though I could make another show, so missing this one will not matter. This great band invited me to come see them perform down south. Well south of where I was before I got put in here........ I mean on!

And I had the best dreams about this one guy. He didn't think he was so great, but he made me smile when I was down about other things. He knew I kind of liked him, even though we could never be together. At least not without lots of turmoil from so many people.

Now I am stuck thinking about him, and everything else that went on in my life. No more drama for this mama! Just me, you and the peaceful days. Now how long have I been here? I have been making marks on a paper; so lets see one....two.... five......ten.....twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two " yes, 22 days since I found myself here. All alone, all the time.

Time is such a funny thing too. Before I would rush here and there scatterbrained. Seeming to run out of time, and not getting everything I needed to do done. Yet since I am here, time doesn't matter. Oh I don't even have a clock, so who knows what time it is exactly..... ha ha who cares anyway. I have nothing pressing to get to anyway.

I get up when the sun peeks through the window, then go to bed when its dark. I got a pretty cozy life here, and I may hate to leave. Eventually this experiment will be over, and I will have to go home. Oh now that's a scary thought!

Dear diary,

Not sure what happened, boy I must have slept all day. I can't remember doing anything..... hearing..... or seeing anything. Maybe they drugged me, I do feel like crap.

Dear diary,

Boy whatever they did to me was a whopper. But I am feeling much better, although I don't have any appetite at the present time. Maybe a side effect from what ever drug I was injected with. Also, the weather has changed drastically. In fact what I thought was a window " is not one. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I am allowed out of this room?

As my brain clears from this fog, lots of things become more in focus. Oh how I feel so alone, have I been dreaming about being on an island? Maybe I have been delusional this whole time? Think I'll lay back down for awhile.......

Dear diary,

Again I don't feel too good. My thinking has become somewhat muddled, my ability to even write has some how diminished. I am now distrustful of my situation, and being experimentalized ( not sure that's even a word, but I am damn sure you don't care).

A few things I have noticed in my moments of clarity are what I thought was a large bookcase is just a facade of wallpaper! There are books in here, but not many..... my sense of perception has been way off too. The existing bookcase blends in with the wallpaper, so you really have to look closely to see what's real or not.

Another strange thing is I thought I was cooking, but it seems I have been eating prepared foods. Except in the mornings when I pour a bowl of cereal for my breakfast. I don't think I have been out of this room since I was placed here. Strange......

Dear diary,

You are my only friend, my secret admirer and confident all rolled into one. I bet you are wondering why I say that about you? Well I have come to realize I am in solitary confinement.

Well sort of....... its like being locked away. Oh sure in a few days I will be released ( I hope).

But......... but I still don't know how I got here. And as pleasant as it is, I prefer to have some interaction with others. Time will tell if I remain sane after going through this hell. Or maybe I am already insane, and just don't know it.

Dear diary,

I am in fear of my life. I heard voices again, saying something about cutting open my head. If I am cut on..... will I come out the same or different? I know at first my life in here seemed pleasant, almost serene; but now things have changed. Hell, I don't know if I was at the beach, walked through a jungle or any jungle. What I thought was a beach shack is a mere room with four walls. One wall is a facade bookcase of books, another is of trees, mountains " almost forest like. The other one is where a painting of the beach is about the length of a picture window. There is one more that is black, which I don't go near " it scares me, scares me to death. It reminds me of the book “Alice in Wonderland”. But I fear things aren't so wonderful on the other side. I'm just gonna sit curled up on my bed.

Dear diary,

I stayed awake all night waiting and watching. I wanted to see if anyone came through the black wall, but nothing. So I am going to sleep right after I eat some cheerios, I sure hope they bring me some cheer!

Dear diary,

I decided to get a good night of sleep instead of staying up. Right now I don't care where I am or what I am to do. So they want to use me as an experiment, maybe being trapped in this room “is” part of this wild time I seem to he having.

Did I call it a wild time? I meant a bizarre one. No wonder I haven't seen or heard any birds. Seen or even noticed any clouds. Been staring at the same four walls..... err, three " never stare at the black door, the door of doom that's what I have deemed it. Still I feel like I am slowly going insane.

Dear diary,

I know that I am insane, as a doctor or someone in a white coat came in and handed me some pills. I took them slowly, while giving him a curious eye...... then inquisitively asked him “ what are these for? Have I been taking these all this time?” He shook his head 'yes' in a most solemn way. So I did my best to pop these two magical pills that have kept me peaceful and serene this whole time. He turned and out the black door of doom he went. In no time at all I was laying on my bed staring at the painting of the beach, slowly being immersed into the scenery.

Dear diary,

I have now forgotten my name, where I have come from and frankly I could care less. I got room and board, and when I get agitated someone comes in and gives me a magical pill. I am then off to la la land....... all peaceful and serene. I guess I shall like this new place of mine, especially if I get more of those sweet magical pills. Time to get more zzzzz's.......

This is a document that was found from an old mental facility that is no longer used. Although it was never known who this was about, it definitely reveals she was heavily drugged whether to keep her sedate or for testing purposes. Many people throughout the times were put in mental institutions even though there was not a single thing wrong with them. Also they were experimented on without their consent, or their knowledge.