The Mad Musings of a Jackass

A tale about what a Jackass feels and thinks!

                                    The Mad Musings of a Jackass!

             (Door creaks open- then slams shut)

                Oh, here we go again. Must I carry your large weight all the time. You should try walking some of the time, you do weigh a fair amount. And for what do you constantly climb on my back, giving me my own insufferable backache. For what........ more food! Clearly you are not eating the right kinds for your body.

               Just look over there, “ Good morning Sadie” I tilt my head her way. She isn't being weighed down by a fat tub of lard. Oh excuse me, you'd rather be called ' pleasingly plump'- like it makes your enormous size any better. Oh well, one of these fine mornings I will give out- never to carry your fat........oops, pleasingly plump a*s again!

              Now who's the a*s, not me because 'I will be dead and gone!'

            Never having to feel the weight of you again. And its not just you, after your day of shopping- its you making room for all that junk you call food- chips, candy, soda and ice cream! You should be eating like me- grasses, berries, hay and some bark for good fiber!

          When God told you ' You can eat everything that was in the Garden', that's what he meant. Not man-made foods, all processed junk. Cows who are pulverized, chickens ground up then formed into large nuggets. Oh yeah and potatoes cut up, sliced and diced in various different shapes. Then thin slices are coated with so-called spices, I bet you don't even know what kind they are either.

          You just take and shove bite after bite into your teeny-tiny mouth. Ha ha ha there is something still small,along with your eyes! Of course, you could say they look small since the rest of your whole body is so 'LARGE!' You may think you are pleasingly plump, but my back differs. Even though this is what God created me for- I dare say he neglected to put a weight requirement on my label. But still here I am, going down the same road, heading for the market.

        For what- JUNK FOOD! So you can increase your already enormous size.

                                  For shame, for shame!

              I know that man broke your heart, crushed your spirit so you ate and ate. But now you're breaking my back, my spirit. It's not right or fair to put me through this horrid pain. Even when its raining you go out, but wear an even heavier coat weighing me down. Just so you could get your stupid junk food! They should move you closer, then you will get even plumpier- then they will have to move!

                           Ha ha ha ha ha!

               Oh, what a conundrum we have here. I, a lowly jackass, and you a ' once upon a time' skinny Princess. Yes, fair maiden you are a Princess, another reason you should stop eating this awful junk food. But you wont, so here I trudge day after day carrying you to the market. Eh, maybe the will run out of food one day- then what will you do?

         I will not budge if you go into the next county. I will be stubborn, and stand my ground. Then you'll have to beat me, like you did that man you loved. Oh, you give me a carrot to eat, how nice of you to think about me. As the weight of your fat a*s is upon my aching back!

    “ Hello again, Sadie” I say with the wink of my eye. For a horse, she sure is a beauty- a royal stallion, pure white except for the odd shaped “S” on her hind quarters. But I am of a different sort- a jackass and a horse would never mix. Just like the one that broke my masters heart...... he was a lowly peasant and she a royal Princess. Even then love, wasn't enough- they just couldn't be together.

        Ah, finally back home, and I can rest my aching back. The Princess will go into her castle, and begin the process of eating and eating until all that food is gone. Then the process of her climbing up on my back will commence again. This is what I was made for, so I should not complain. Yet, each time she climbs on my back- I swear it will be her last! For one of these fine days, I'll have a heart attack- not just a freakin' backache!

Author's Note

Only one bad word, but otherwise I think a cute story. And I may draw a picture to go with it soon. Picture added for story!

Reviews

[Crowley]

You crack me up J. LOL..that was funny, and prophetic and so true. That jackass surely wouldn't want to cary my pleasingly plump a*s! Now, where are my chicken nuggets....

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

OMG that was really a very unique and whimsical piece of writing... thanks for spreading the laughter.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Oh, this is adorable and humorous.. From the mouth of a jack-a*s... of all things! haha
Also some good lessons on our food intake.. you have a wonderful story here..loved it..

[HorrorMaster]

lmao very funny amazing.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was so funny! I laughed more than once, great post!