confessions from an alien

A humorous take on what an alien thinks of humans!

 

 

 

Confessions from an Alien

 

Hello fellow beings!

 

I am above the lowly planet called earth. It is one of the few planets in the Milky Way galaxy that inhabit these creatures, known as humans.

 

These peculiar beings are a strange sort who come in different colors. Why you ask, is something my people... er well, we aren't exactly people. But anyway is something totally different from what we really are.

 

We are- what we are, and that's that!! But these earthlings have deemed us as grays or aliens. Aliens mind you, like we are foreigners. You know that is what those dang Americans call people from another land. Oh , and don't get me started on the treatment they give them. It's just shameful, the way they push and prod these so-called aliens, like they were animals. Ha ha, up here you all look the same to me.

 

Oh yes, I neglected to tell you that I am in my spaceship. It's what you earthlings dubbed a pod- a space pod. It fits just two beings though. I would have brought a companion, but I sometimes like to make this trek alone. The other beings are forever asking questions about these humans, not just observing.

 

Like- why are they shaped differently? Or here's another good one too, What are they doing when their bodies are so close, surely they aren't fighting? Now how in the blazes should I know what these strange beings are doing. I would ask, but well you see what they did with Herman. Oh yeah, that's the one who was in Area 51, thats over in Nevada. They had him hidden away from the publics eyes. They moved him to another secret location.... I am not saying where cause duh, it's a secret.

 

Again you ask- 'How does he know where or what its called? Duh, we are a superior race, I am a super intelligent being and I can read the signs. So why on earth would a place need so many heavily guarded men if there wasn't something to hide? And you know what the kicker is? This army, the U.S. m told everyone it was just a weather balloon, ha ha!

 

Like the people who saw Herman's spaceship were complete moron's. And the farmer or rancher that found the crash site was threatened with his life. I mean, tell me if was just a stupid weather balloon, why did they tell him to keep his mouth shut? Interesting, huh! So idiotic for them to say that... but I guess Herman wasn't any better by getting so close to your lowly planet that he crashed.

 

I remember his last words were, I believe he said “ I'm going to find out what they are doing when two of those beings are together!” I told him a billion, zillion times- don't worry about it. But Herman's curiosity got the better of him, now he isn't doing anything. Just laying around being poked and prodded while your secret scientists give him the look over.

 

Ah well, it was nice knowing you Herman. Au revoir- (that's French for good-bye, you less than intelligent humans!)

 

Now I bet you're asking- 'Why I didn't go save him.....right? I can see you nodding your heads earthlings.'

 

Well, I can tell you what you lowly earthlings- 'I AM NOT THAT STUPID!

 

Heavens to Betsy- I heard one of you humans saying that. What it exactly means is beyond me, but sounds so cool. That's one thing I have learned from observing some of you earthlings- you have some very cool ways of saying stuff. Like the one I heard, used to say 'Once in a blue moon' or ' In the light of the moon!' Our moon is always blue, so maybe we come into view and you don't know it.

And hello.... the moon is a giver of light for the darkness.

 

Now when the sun is on us we become invisible. Why you ask.... always with the questions like Herman, poor, poor Herman. Think about it, now don't strain your little heads any! We are an energy force- so when we are in the light of the sun we soak it up and become invisible. You know sheer- see through- like we aren't even there. Like this----> ( ) Can't see me huh, he he.

 

Ah a little beyond your comprehension I presume. Blame that on who ever made you- but a serious flaw is there! And don't get me started on that subject, it seems you all think it is someone or something different ( a flaw- I tell you) But that is for another time, or trip to your lowly planet. Right now I need to get going to the planet called Venus. The beings on there are moon bathing around this time, and I have been checking this one out. Mmmmmm..... she's a royal beauty, if you don't mind me saying.

 

Alright Oscar (that's me) ' Go where no earthlings dare to go and.....ENGAGE!!!!

 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I agree with Randall - at first I thought your narrator was talking to others from his planet because he was talking about humans like to someone who didn't know what they were like "These peculiar beings", but then he was addressing humans.
Original and creative piece; I enjoyed reading it. Oscar's use of slang like 'cool' and 'duh' was kind of funny - I guess maybe he was using his world's equivalent of them[?]
I liked the part where he was talking about Herman being too curious "don't worry about it" - leave it, man, leave it...you'll get caught haha.
Good write. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[bluessadmood]

this is so nice and funny ,i like the way you talk about some one from outer space,he is out there looking at us and making fun of us humans,oh he says look they have different colors,but they look all the same,its funny he is wondering what are we doing when two of us are so close ,no not fighting he said ,ha ha ,and his friend trapped on earth scientists poking and guessing at what he is,this is wonderful so imaginative,i just love the way you told it ,pretty nice,great work

[Randall]

Very funny and creative piece. I enjoyed it very much.

Mybe it was just me butat first I thought you were talking to your fellow aliens but then it switched to you talking to the humans. Doesn't matter really it was still entertaining.

[larryb]

Good job, my bubby and i on a trip to vegas took a ride out to area 51 it was pretty cool, im glad we took the time to stop there.

[Berserker[Diktator Von ..]

Do you mean Area 51? LOL....Anyways this was a very comical piece that was a very fun read....I really liked this piece..Great Job!