A Mom's Nightmare

reposting

 

A Mother's Nightmare

 

I sit here thinking can my life get any worse? I know now what it's like to feel scared, truly afraid that one of the worst things to a parent has happened. I am not sure if I can make it through this day, I just can't seem to function properly.

 

Being a parent is supposed to be one of the most wonderful things a person could feel. As your children grow up there are bound to be times when they try your patience. Even cause you to doubt your reasons for wanting to bring children into the world. Then you look at them, remembering how much you love them, despite all the mistakes they may make.

 

Not all parents do there best raising them, still they try their best. We all love them with all our hearts, even if we can't be with them all the time. Wishing we could spend more time with them, but due to circumstances it just doesn't allow it.

 

My day started out like any other day, getting up to make some coffee, take the necessary pills and go enjoy a quiet Sunday. I like watching the news in the morning, drinking my coffee or hot tea, and see what is going on around the world. Mostly its news about the war going on, and whether it should continue. I change it to see what the weather is going to be like, not just for me but for my many friends in different countries.

 

Not to long after I have been up, my son rises out of his peaceful slumber. He wakes up looking the same way every morning-his hair all shaggy and still sleepy eyed. As he walks by I look up and say, “ Good Morning son!” He replies with a grumble, “ Morning mom.” I then hear him doing his morning ritual as I turn my attention back to the television.

 

I hear him in the kitchen fixing his breakfast, click on the tv and settle down to see what's on. Since it's Sunday, there really isn't to much on, but I hear the click of the remote in between bites of the cereal he is eating. I look up and see my cup is empty so I walk by him and into the kitchen for more coffee.

 

My son was finally done with his breakfast, and eager to start his day doing what he loves best-skateboarding! I hear him talking on the phone, he is making plans for the day to skate with his friends. I am sure he wants to try out new tricks on the board he just got. I again reminded him about the time to be home and that for his age there is a curfew. I also told him that I am the parent and when I say to be home at a certain time, that is when he should be home. He said “ yes mom, I remember,” and I will be home then alright.

 

After he left I spent the day doing housework, doing some reading in one of the many books I have started, and checking my emails. My day went well and as it got later I wondered where he was skating. I usually don't have to worry about him, so I figured he was alright. But it got later, and it was nearing the time he was suppose to be walking through the door. But he didn't come, and I thought to myself where could he be, he knows to be home at a certain time.

 

 

 

 

 

I decided to call his friends to see if they knew where he was, or if they had heard from him- but nothing. I called his sister to see if maybe he was at his dad's, because his dad had done that once before to me with our older child, taking my son and hiding him, whether to punish me or just cause me some grief saying I was not a good mother. But, she said he wasn't there and she did see him skating down the road when she was heading for her friends house. I tried calling his friends again, well the ones i didn't get a hold of the first time.

 

Having no luck, I decided it was time to make the dreaded call. You know the one a parent always hates to make- calling the police! I called and they took down some necessary information, then said an officer would be out to take down some further information. I sat on the couch, still feeling the ache in my chest and trying not to think of anything fearful happening to my son. Finally the officer was at my door, she came in and asked me some questions, and kept saying she was sure he was safe. I signed the paper giving them permission to access medical records in case of the worst scenario.

 

The time was now going on 3:00 am, and I finally went to bed but I didn't sleep. I kept saying in my head where are you son, are you safe? I dozed off around 4 am, but had a fitful sleep until I saw the light coming through the window. It was only 7:30, I had got three hours of sleep. I walked around in a daze, still not believing this has happened, that my son was still a no-show. My head ached, I could feel my heart still pounding in my chest, and I was so afraid to cry.

 

I kept telling myself he was safe, but I was worried and angry all at the same time. The fear of something dreadful hung heavy on my heart. I hoped he would walk through the door letting me know he was safe and at home where he should be. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything, and I just sipped

the tea I had made.

 

I don't recall exactly what time it was, but there he walked in all smiley; saying “ Hi mom.” As he walked in the emotions I felt were anger and relief at the same time. I looked at him and asked where he has been and why he didn't call me letting me know where he was. He said that he called and told me where he was, but I said that I received no call; that I was so worried I even filed a police report that he was missing.

 

He saw that I was crying, and could tell I was actually worried about him so he came over and said he was sorry and gave me a big hug. I told him I didn't know if he was hurt or if something dreadful happened to him. He kept telling me over and over he was sorry and would never do that again. Then I said I was so tired from all the worrying I had done. He told me to go lay down and take a nap, and I told him don't go anywhere. I laid down and tried to get some rest, letting go of my anxiety.

 

I know now what it means to feel “spent”. To go through such anguish is very taxing to the nerves. It is a relief knowing he is home safe and unharmed. Yet I think of all the parents that are going through this anguish, but their children don't come home. My heart goes out to them, hoping God is helping ease the pain they will feel knowing their children will never walk back through the door and say “ hi mom!”

 

Even now I keep thinking to myself, what if something bad had happened. Could I survive for a long time, what I had gone through for just a day, not even a full day. I hope that I never have to find out and that my son lives for a long time. He plans on becoming a pro-skater and get sponsored by

a skate company, which is great. But right now I am just happy he is still alive, and safe at home.