Holly's Derangement

A story about a young woman who can't decide if she is losing her mind by being so sleep deprived she is hearing voices, and ending up feeling like a zombie.

              Holly awoke as usual, groggy- like she wrestled a big bear all night. Nothing she did to get a better night of sleep wasn't working. So Holly did what she could to function like a normal person during the day.

              One day she was energetic, so Holly was able to get a lot done. So elated that her body was functioning at a fairly normal pace. Then her brother came over, and as usual she said “ Go ahead and watch what you want” while handing him the remote for the TV. As Charles surfed the stations on the television, she laid back on the couch to do some reading. After about an hour it hit her, the need to take a nap. Yet as soon as she dozed off, she swore she heard people talking. Holly lifted her head, and looked around only to see that her brother had dozed off.

              As she glanced at the television she noticed it was tuned into the financial channel so it couldn't be that. Laying her head back down to begin dozing back off to sleep. After awhile when she finally woke up, this puzzled her. Holly thought to herself ' how can I be hearing voices when nobody is talking?'

            This happened over and over when she went to lay down. At first, Holly did her best to ignore the murmuring she had been hearing. But eventually it became annoying, so she moved to a chair to try and take her naps. No dice- it just wasn't very comfortable for her body. So back to the couch she went to try and take a nap. Holly had mentioned her situation to a friend, and she suggested drinking some warm milk. Even that wasn't helping her sleep well during the night. Then when she did take or try to nap during the day, she heard the constant sound of voices murmuring.

One time she laid down and tried to focus her hearing on what they were saying with no luck. The words were to muffled for her to distinguish what they were saying. Once she mentioned this anomaly to a neighbor, the person gave her a puzzled look like she was crazy. After that she never spoke about it again.

                What was confusing to Holly is this didn't happen all the time which is why she decided to let go. It would be months before she heard a single thing, then suddenly she began to hear whispering. Low and quiet were the sounds. Then one night as she was about to fall asleep, and that is when she heard her name being called out loud.

              Quickly sitting up Holly looked around, but didn't see anyone. Slowly she laid back down to try and go back to sleep. Laying there she heard the hum from the air conditioner and let the sound lulling her mind as she began to nod off. Only to waken a few hours later to some muffled sounds coming from outside her house. It was the neighbors so she turned over then dozed off again.

Holly dreamed about men coming in her place while she was gone. They had strategically planted listening devices, cameras, and anything else that they were ordered to set up. This was to begin spying on the young woman..... without her knowledge.

           Upon arising the next day, Holly had forgotten all about the dream. She went about getting ready for the day, starting with a pot of coffee and taking her pills and eating a healthy breakfast. While eating, she watched the news to find out what the weather was going to be like. Looking out the window she began wondering if it would be a good day. Here gaze never moved from the spot, as she watched the birds hunting for food outside.

           Finishing her breakfast she set about getting her chores done. Then just as she was about to pick up the book she was currently reading, there was a knock on the door. Upon opening it, she found her brother had come over again. Charles came in carrying a bag of groceries, so he walked to the kitchen to get a glass and some ice for his drink he'd brought with him.

           As he walked back he noticed that she was laying down and reading a book. Setting his glass down he picked up the remote to turn the television on.

       Looking over at his sister, he inquired “ This wont bother you, will it?”

             Holly replied “ no go ahead”.

           After she read for about an hour, she put the book aside then looked over at her brother only to see him sleeping as usual. His normal routine, didn't matter where he went he would fall asleep. So after going to the bathroom, she decided to try and get some shut-eye herself. Hopefully to make up for staying up late the night before.

         Just as she was dozing off the phone rang, startling her brother awake she quietly chuckled. It was the same stupid people calling for someone that used to have her number, so she put the receiver back down after hanging up on them. Then settled back down on the couch for a much needed nap. Yet again as she was dozing off she heard that same mumbling of jumbled words. All she could make out was, 'look at her' and 'how could she'. Certainly they weren't talking about her..... or were they?

         For days she didn't hear a single sound, making her feel halfway normal. Then her brother needed a place to hide out, to lay low for awhile. So being a nice sister she let him sleep on her couch, while she slept in her bedroom. That first day he was there things were fine, but come the next day she began to think ' its only the second day and I'm already tired of him being here!'

              Yet family was family, and she promised he could stay when he had to. But his ' habits' were annoying, and she wasn't getting any sleep at night. Although it was a normal occurrence since she lived in an apartment complex, yet with her brother invading her private space it had intensified immensely! Holly didn't know how long she could stand having him here. If she lost any more sleep, he would have to leave before she felt like she was going insane. Back to where he lived and his own bed!

       Then maybe she could get a good night of sleep...... unless she started hearing the voices again. At this point she wasn't sure exactly what was more annoying �" the murmuring voices or the sound of her brothers snoring and crazy habits he had. For now she needed to get a nap in, mainly to make up for the lack of sleep from the night before. While laying down on her couch she thought 'It surely wont make up for the time lost, yet to get some shut-eye would be nice.' In no time she had drifted off to sleep.

              About two hours later, Holly rubbed her sleepy eyes then stretched. Upon rising she yawned while glancing at the clock, then turned to look out the only window she had in the place and noticed it would be getting dark soon. Mustering the strength to get off the couch, she stood up and stretched once again. Missing lunch she set about making an early dinner. Like a zombie she walked into the small kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Nothing looked to appetizing to her, but she decided on making a pot of macaroni & cheese and creamed corn.

            Pulling out a pot from the bottom cupboard she filled it with cold water from the sink and set it on the stove. After turning the dial, she reached down to get the noodles, along with a can of corn setting them both on the counter. Holly reached into the utensil drawer for the can opener, she struggled with the metal device that never seemed to work correctly. Yet she managed to get the blasted can open. Going back to grab a smaller pot she scooped the corn out of the can and set it on the stove, then turned the dial to set about heating the corn. Finally she turned her attention to grating the cheese while the noodles were cooking.

          When her meal was all prepared, she sat down to eat. Turning the television on, she hoped to catch up on the daily news. It seemed like most of the broadcast was about politics and who would be the better candidate. So in between bites, she switched through the channels until she found something interesting. She remembered a recorded show on the DVR she wanted to see, since her brother was not around Holly was able to view it in peace.

         While watching the show, she loved the fact that the writers were able to come up with new scenarios every week. Bringing a new perspective on how we perceive the unexplainable, then resolving whatever issue to a plausible explanation of the events. Laughing she thought

“ Then there should be a logical explanation to why her brother was so strange.'

          Then out loud she stated to herself “ I know I have my ways of doing things, and maybe they could be thought of as strange; but I don't talk to myself...... or do I?”

          Holly began to question her own sanity. She thought ' after all I have been hearing voices lately, so are they real or just a figment of my imagination?' She focused her attention back on the show and finishing her dinner. As she was watching, she glanced out of the corner of her eyes and thought she saw someone lurking in her window. Shaking her head again she said “ am I losing my mind or have I been so sleep deprived I can't think straight?”

           As she took her last bite, it dawned on her that she forgot the pill she was supposed to take a ½ hour before her meal. So when she got up during a commercial, Holly set the plate in the sink and went about retrieving her one pill and swallowed it. Then she got to wondering if they were even doing any good.

            Holly had never bothered the Doctor about why she prescribed them for her. She assumed it would help her health issues get better. As she was standing in front of the sink she decided that it would good to follow up and research this so-called magic pill that was supposed to keep her veins clean. Being a conspiracy theorist, and knowing the government was taking over the health industry who knows what they could be capable of- like the giving out of those free flu shots.

              Holly heard that some people could have adverse reactions from them. Holly said loudly, “ maybe they aren't flu shots at all, but some shot to eradicate some of the weaker people!”

              Her mind was going awry as she thought about what the government could be capable of. After walking into the bathroom, she grabbed her toothbrush and put a line of toothpaste and began brushing her teeth. Looking in the mirror she noticed dark circles under her eyes, was it from not getting adequate sleep at night? She decided to wash her face, and hope it would lessen the feeling of exhaustion that invaded her body.

             Before leaving the bathroom Holly hoped tonight would be different, and get a good night of sleep. She wondered ' would I get another night of sleeplessness or would the voices she'd heard keep her awake? If her brother came back over would his snoring begin again?'

Since she was used to being alone, it was strange having others around. And lately it seemed lots of people were invading her private domain. It was driving her crazy...... literally!

           She decided to go get some reading done, and pray for the best. After sitting down, she picked up the book about the human mind and began to read. Yet her mind started to wander, she wondered what her boyfriend was doing and whether she was thinking about her. Her instincts were still intact so she had a funny feeling that he was, which made her smile. The had some great times, until “ he- the monster” came into the picture. He told him all sorts of things, even to the point of fabricating lies about her. Like she couldn't be trusted, and how she would mess up his job prospects.

            Holly knew that her patience would win out, and eventually he would find that he missed her dearly. Eventually they would be a couple, and her space would become ' their' space. A big smile came over her face at the thought of Edward finally holding her in his arms again. The day that happened, all would be right in her- or their universe. Life would be grand for them too. Just then she heard keys rattling, and immediately thought 'oh great he's back.' She slowly got up to unlock the dead bolt to open the door. By the look on her face, he knew he was getting on her nerves. Holly turned and went back to her chair, and continued with her reading.

              Ignoring her brother altogether, even though it was hard to do. Her brother made his dinner, then set about his nightly ritual before climbing onto her couch to fall asleep. It wasn't long before the annoying habits he had commenced. Holly did her best to tune them out, but it wasn't easy. She'd even thought about going outside to sit, but damn it this was her place so she didn't have to leave her own domain- he would. Holly finally told her brother that he would need to find other accommodations. Thus making him mumble and grumble while he packed up his stuff. She ignored him as he did all of that, turning her focus on the local news on the television...... or at least tried to.

           She couldn't relax until he vacated her premises. Then and only then could she finally catch up on some much needed sleep. Ever since she started hearing those voices she hadn't got a good night of sleep, causing her to be groggy in the morning and feeling like a walking zombie for most of the day.

          Holly must have dozed off, because she vaguely remembered hearing the door quietly click from her brother locking it. Holly mumbled to herself “ gotta get that key back someday” then began to doze off again. By the time she woke up, Holly noticed it was just about 5 pm, and although it wasn't dark yet she knew it would be shortly. While getting off the couch she stretched to release the kinks out of her tired muscles, then thought ' how did I get from the chair to the couch?'

            Then headed for the bathroom to splash her face with water, hoping it would further shock her awake. As she looked in the mirror, she again noticed the bags beginning to show. Even though she didn't look old, she felt like she'd aged at least 5 years. The last time she looked this bad was when she was married to that fool. She vowed to never put herself through that again. If he'd only hit her the pain she harbored would be gone, but little by little he denigrated her every move to the point where she contemplated suicide.

           Standing in the bathroom she looked in the mirror and began stating her old favorite lines- “ Fools never prosper!” It was evident by the fact that he had not only lost her, but most of his friends left and he almost lost his job. He was an arrogant fool who never really cared for her or what she thought. It was his way or the highway, she of course took to the highway even though it was a desolate place, she'd found peace.

Holly had made her choice to live alone with nature by her side. She would let the sun hug her each morning, and the blanket from the night falling. She would embrace the natural landscape, and take in all that nature had to give her. Somberly sighing at her reflection, she then turned to walk toward the kitchen. Opening her refrigerator she examined the contents, although it was full of food nothing really sparked her taste buds. Again she sighed and decided to eat an apple while watching the news.

           As Holly sat there listening she munched on the delicious apple. Even though she was watching her focus was more of a stare at the screen. Even though her physical form was up, her brain ceased to process what she was hearing. Another sign she was in a state of 'zombie-ism'. She had heard about this happening around the globe, yet never once thought it would happen to her. Holly likened to it as being in a funk with no way out, or a state of non existence.

            She'd calculated that it took years after her parting with her ex-husband, before feeling truly alive. So she would give herself time to get back to feeling remotely normal after her brother left her domain. As she took the last bite from the apple, Holly rose and put the core into the trash bin, then washed her hands and dried them. She filled a glass with some ice and water, then went back to sit down.

           As she returned to her chair she pondered on how here life had turned out, and whether someone was slowly trying to drive her insane. Would she become so deranged, so out of it that she couldn't tell the difference between reality and an illusion of reality.

         Only time would tell if her dream she had was the reality of being spied on, or being so sleep deprived that she didn't know which end was up.......

Author's Note

Let me know want you think, and if anything should be changed.