The Worst Night // Scars

Christmas Eve.

There was darkness

And silence,

There was peace.

Rushed whispers in the blackness

“I can’t believe you!”

“Why would you do that?”

“That’s just stupid.”

Close my eyes,

Ignore them,

It will all be alright.

Voices grow

In volume

And in anger.

“You’re worthless.”

“I can’t believe I ever married you.”

“F**k you.”

Shut eyes tighter,

Squeeze all your fears into the pillow,

Don’t cry,

Be brave,

It will all be alright.

A crescendo of noise crashes up the stairs.

“I f*****g hate you.”

“You good for nothing a*****e”.

“You’re such a f*****g fat w***e!”

“Go f**k yourself!”

“I never want to see you again.”

Drown out the noise with your sobs,

Shaking,

Rocking back and forth,

Teddy bear in arms,

It will all be alright.

Screaming anger,

Every fiber of the house cloaked in hatred

“Do you hear that kids? Your dad ruined Christmas!”

“Your w***e mom doesn’t care about you kids don’t listen to her.”

“Go f**k yourself Johnny.”

“Don’t talk to me like that you f*****g c**t!”

A scream

Choked out

By his hands.

Pressing my hands to my mouth,

Biting my cheeks,

Trying to silence my wails,

Do I call 911?

Silence.

 

// Scars

Waking up is a nightmare.

Memories flash back

Of our awful night.

I try to be cheerful,

I try to be excited,

About the day that lay before me.

Instead of jumping out of bed

And running to wake up my brothers

I lie quietly,

I stay under the covers,

I’m safe here.

Eventually Brandon comes and retrieves me.

Us kids wander downstairs,

Our parents await us.

The air is heavy,

Filled with tension,

It’s awkward.

Nobody runs to open presents.

We all sit down,

Staring off into different directions

Our parents try to apologize.

They talk vaguely

Saying they’re sorry for yelling

And that they said inexcusable things;

We should never talk like that.

That’s as far as it goes.

We say "it’s okay,"

Give them each a big hug,

Smile.

Pretend to not care,

Pretend to be oblivious,

Like the night wasn’t traumatizing,

As if my dreams won’t forever be haunted by their yelling

The horrifying feeling

Of lying in the dark

Alone

Scared.

They hand us each a present,

We open them.

Merry Christmas. 

Author's Note

I wrote this years ago and now feel free enough to share it.

Reviews

[drcornelius]

Powerful and well told story. I'm curious about your reasons for placing the "//Scars" line in there. I think it interrupts the flow of the story.

[AnayaJ.]

Relatable. On special occasions and festivals these quarrels squeeze out all the excitement and that awesome feeling of festivity that comes along. A gigantic and cruel blow to all that happiness. One just feels like covering his ears and ignore, as if nothing is happening and everything is normal and just the way he is used to seeing. People experiencing such problems have to pretend as if everything is usual despite the heavy air of awkwardness and grudges and painful memories. Loved it, it's very very relatable and the words feel like they've come just from the heart :)))))

[Adam Adams]

it's quite dark. in most of the families, such family issues often becomes enough to ruin such beautiful occasional eve's of the year. just doing "pretend" to be something or someone is what, i find, now a days in families -- the pretend to be happy, the pretend to be so caring, & pretending like nothing just happened any scary or horrible that coiled the smile into darkness. very profound... & creatively penned up write it is. an every pie of your emotions being shown up throu' the page you come to bled in.

may god bless you, June.