She rids herself

Well after months of inactivity due to a lot of study stress, I had an inspiring talk with an anorexia sufferer. That talk is the basis for a new poem and a new song. Sincerely yours, Jules.

She rids herself

Chorus:
Thin as angels hair, almost transparent
She rids herself of the fretted dissonance
Her biology is irrefutably fair, almost transcendent
She rids herself of the twisted cognizance
It tears you up, but it won’t tear you up

Oh and how the wolves are howling
lurking in the shadows, the hounds lay
awaiting the day that those eyes break down
ready to lead a broken soul astray

Oh and she has July in her eyes
Lost control, lost appetite
but mirth arises
and intensifies

Chorus:
Thin as angels hair, almost transparent
She rids herself of the fretted dissonance
Her biology is irrefutably fair, almost transcendent
She rids herself of the twisted cognizance
It tears you up, but it won’t tear you up

They say time’s plenty
They say dark becomes light
They say blue will be green
And you won’t believe

Bridge:
In that deep, deep valley
On those lonely, lonely isles
All will be awaiting the day
darkness darkening those eyes

And still you sometimes struggle
with those feelings trapped within
Not sure if you are cured or coping
Still you continue enjoying your ‘sins’

And here you are:

Chorus:
Thin as angels hair, almost transparent
She rids herself of the fretted dissonance
Her biology is irrefutably fair, almost transcendent
She rids herself of the twisted cognizance
Light eyes and blonde hair
It tears you up, but it won’t tear you up

 

Author's Note

Some constructieve feedback is much appreciated. One who chooses to preach must never cease to learn.

Reviews

[Kittenincake]

"Thin as angels hair, almost transparent
She rids herself of the fretted dissonance
Her biology is irrefutably fair, almost transcendent
She rids herself of the twisted cognizance
Light eyes and blonde hair
It tears you up, but it won’t tear you up"

Ethereal, haunting, and thought-provoking. I love vague lyrics with a specific meaning. Thank you.

[.]

Interesting lyrics.

It is very difficult to judge on paper words that are meant to be heard in song. We all have different tastes in music and as such, it is best to reserve judgement on your lyrics until they are heard in the proper context.

Some interesting word choices, and by the way, it should be " how the WOLVES are howling"....plural.

Keep up the songwriting.

[junXion]

Ah thanks for noticing that! I changed it directly. Thanks for reading. Sincerely yours, Jules.

[Tony Jordan]

I like these lyrics - a lot. I see influences such as Depeche Mode and Joy Division in them - retro and dark at that.

[slfisher89]

You capture the inner turmoil of an anorexic well. I can see this as a ballad with acoustic guitar. Will be a lovely song; which one can relate. The line" it tears you up but it won't tear you up; has a dual interpretation. One could be generalize the line as dealing with angst or discontent ; widely relatable state. Or with knowledge of the backstory; feels it relates to one's specific struggle. Bravo word artist

[Ted Kniffen]

Well, Jules this is well on its way to being a fine song. I don't write songs, but I think I can recognize promise when it shows itself.

I would question the chorus a bit, in that you have two 5 line and switch at the end to a 6 line with the addition of 'Light eyes and blonde hair' not sure this line is really necessary, but if it is, consider adding it to the other version of the chorus.

The line 'It tears you up, but it won’t tear you up'
is somewhat ambiguous. Is it 'It tears (crying) you up, but it won’t tear (rips) you up or "It tears (rips) you up, but it won’t tear (make you cry) you up'? Two similar words with different meanings. But since it is a song, the singer will carry the meaning with the tune, right?

'All will be awaiting the day
darkness darkening those eyes'
Not sure 'day darkness darkening' works.

Perhaps I need to hear this in the proper context.

A good piece with great potential. A good write.