He

A poem I wrote, would like some feedback on it!

He stood

Staring at his bloody hands

To ashamed to look away

For within his fragile

Broken body

Sat a man who's gone astray

He smelt

The bitter smell of smoke

Dancing in the air

Filling him with broken sins

Others couldn't bear

He cried

A single tear

As he watched his family fray

One by one

'Till there were none

And he was left to stay

He lay

Upon the wooden frame

Pondering the sky

His prayers lay unanswered

Still swimming in his eyes

He Thought

About the darkness

The secrets he must keep

He stores them deep inside him

Where no one dares to creep

He marched

Into untimely death

To painful to endure

Taking in a single breath

As he fell amidst the smoking coals

-Julia

Reviews

[D_Grees]

Some powerful imagery with the use of words.

[@juliza]

Thanks you so much!

[Freesearch 101]

Love it!!! You really painted a picture with this one!!!Great work

[@juliza]

Thank you! I appreciate the review!

[Lexi Richard]

Great imagery! I like the way this is set up, too, it's intriguing and original. This gave me chills.

[@juliza]

Thank you!

[Centfie]

Great write! Iove the form and rhythm.Deep themes evoked here yet still very entertaining. A nice story well told with a few a simple words. Good use of repetition, rhyme and line structure.

[@juliza]

Thank you very much!