Prolouge

Prologue Lux

Year 4004

“Are you sure it’s her?” The kings putrid voice clawed its way from his spiked throne, escaping into the shadows of the room. My bowed head was concealed with a dark sack, blocking my vision of the guards around me. One of them answered, absolutely positive.

“Yes Sir. Several witnesses have confirmed.” I heard King Venator stand up and walk down the five steps to where I had been forced to kneel.

“Show me.” His command caused the guards to hesitate. After a few seconds the sack lifted. I raised my head, red eyes blazing. King Venator took a step back and I couldn't help a small, sly smile.

“Whats the matter, am I not what you were expecting?” The guards tensed at my words.

“Leave us.” He waved his hand dismissively

“Are you sure Sir? She could be-”

“I said go, or you will be joining her in the flames!” I heard the men shake as they backed out of the room. Only until the stone doors had shut did Venator speak again.

“So, you're the feared sorceress. I was hoping you would be older and less attractive. It is so much harder to put a negative spin on the pretty young girl from the Vita Valley. But then again, the more powerful you are, the more fear you will conjure. So please, show me what you can do.” For half a second, time slowed down, almost stopped while I looked around the long chamber. The waste in this one room made me want to gag. The giant stone doors behind me were painted with the screams of the murdered. The black spiked throne jetted out of the marble floor like a javelin, dripping with the blood of the innocent. The jeweled columns shown with the suffering of every man, woman, and child in this rotten hell of a kingdom. My eyes locked on the 16 torches lining the four walls. The burned dully, almost not at all.

“Careful what you wish for.” I whispered. The fire on the end of each torch jumped ten feet in the air turning the gray ceiling black before sinking back down into almost non existence. King Venator flinched. He appeared to be nothing but the memory of a far more powerful man. Standing once more he walked up to a torch.

“Do that again.” His voice now held an air of awe.

"What do you want from me?" I ask, my voice nearing a whisper.

“Why, I want you to join me.”

Reviews

[Robert Vicens]

I enjoyed this piece. I like fantasy and will read further chapters. I think you could switch the first and second sentences around. When you start with a speaker in quotations, and then switch to first person P.O.V. it can be a little jarring.

Also, I did not find it believable that the King offers the narrator to join him when only a couple of paragraphs before he had talked about the difficulty of putting a 'negative spin' on an attractive young girl from Vita Valley. It seemed the King was implying to kill the young girl.

It seemed to me that maybe the King changed his mind. Only, it happened too quickly. If her power was something he was considering to adopt to his 'side', then I don't think he would have considered to kill her off the bat, not without witnessing her power -- unless he was trying to intimidate her, in which case I would have liked to see that more clearly.

[TM]

Very enjoyable prologue here. I see a few grammatical errors, but nothing too serious as to change the structure of your work. It does make me wonder about where this story is going to go as you have left it so open.

Personally, I would like a bit more setting of the scene, maybe to add a bit of suspense to this obviously very tense scene. To me it kind of rushes itself. As it is first person narrative, maybe some descriptions of your protagonists feelings, both physical and emotional, can be explored in a bit more detail to give the prologue a bit more depth.

Just my personal opinion. Still really enjoyed the read.

[@juliza]

Thanks, I appreciate it!

[Rana]

Ah, a future fiction! The prologue is promising, I'm sure it gets more entertaining. The characters have been created skilfully, yes I liked the characterization the best. The length of the piece was just right, and you've got an interesting plot too, I wonder what the king has in mind, now. Great work.

[613]

This was a nice start. There were many punctuational & grammatical errors though that ended up throwing me off. This has a lot of potential!

[@juliza]

Thank you!

[Archia]

That was a great prologue, it was interesting, there was tension and just everything about it had that key of a great beginning. I really liked the end and how it left it open, it's a great start.

[@juliza]

Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it. I have been working on this story for a while and it is really great to hear what other people think of it!