statistics

if i had a dime for every time i said your name id have enough to buy a car and some change. its only been 4 months since ive seen your name on my phone but it feels like even more then that. it feels more ike an eternity. i could only say so much before you would cut me off for good but it was worth the time and effort i had put in. i remember the last words excahnged were "i only want to be friends", that was from you and from me was "just delete my number".  i knew you had found someone better but i was convinced that i was the best person for you. you knew i had a rocky path ahead of me. and you had one behind you, you knew that i was into smoking with my friends but i thought you wouldnt mind. and i knew that you knew i was into pills but i guess you "wouldnt" mind that either. whos to say, i remember when i tried to kill myself  taking all the lower tabs i had which didnt work. only a best friend knows when something is wrong. Abel didnt even have to second guess the day i was trying to o.d.. he knew, s**t half the school knew but was just to scared to realize that they were going to lose another classmate not to some freak accident or car crash but to  his own hand. Alot of peole say that comitting suicide is the weak way out. i beg to differ. yeah this sounds a little selfish but i think only the people strong enough know the impact they make if they suceed in doing so. its not a way out its closure for life for some. it wouldve been for me if it werent for great friends and a wonderful loving and caring girlfriend. the pills only helped at school though. the days i saw her in the halls "not my girlfriend ada, someone named angelica" just killed my day i remember going to the bathroom before during and after class just to slip some more pills in my mouth. i didnt give two s***s about myself  all i wanted to do was pass out in the bathroom or in class.  dying for her attention "angelicas that is" when in all reality i had the attention i needed all along.......ada. yeah im stupid i know oh well we all make mistakes an learn from them. thats what life is about. im just glad i had my friends to carry me down my own rocky road. they couldve left me to sit on the curb waiting for them to come back. they probably wouldve but it wouldve been to late. but i have to say if it werent for abel that day just looking at me and knowing what i was trying to do i wouldve went home took more pills, smoked some bud to numb the choking, and drank to ease the pain and pass out. took a long nap or maybe just wouldve not woken up at all. friends really do matter and life is to precious to give up on addiction and high school "love". but what do i know im just a statistic. 

By:julius contreras

This is based on my real life 

Reviews

[julius9609]

Thank you so much :) it's reviews like this that make me want to keep writing

[Ink Seductress]

It was my pleasure.

[Ink Seductress]

Wow. I'm speechless. The fact that I actually can feel your pain and agony is astonishing. I can see this girl meant the world to you. And you really dove in to the depth of your situation. Most people are terrified to do that, I admire your bravery. Excellent write.