Still, I Chase

Arrived in the home that was once considered a family. Downtrodden I find muse in my opportunity fraying away. Intentionally squinting the part of my life I have returned to in no will of my own. Somewhere between mistress and iconic

In motion I try not to cascade to the person who once resided in this place. I consider myself misplaced. Abhor in pain too eager to present itself, I must refrain and maintain thoughts innate.

Sickness, everything feels plagued. Too bad my absence has felt like a prolonged see you later. So comfortably I am placed in her arms when all I want to do is struggle, but misshapen I’m held and so in displacement I am not seen. 

Now, sometimes out of habit, intentionally I indulge in guided conversations. Arguments arise, but things don’t end in mutual respect of each other’s opinion. Instead an awkward departing is made only extending the distant feeling already held within. Elongating the in-between. Wanting to have things left cordial, however condescending demeanor and a patronizing tone is kindly offered in departure.

Now I’m somewhere between scheming and betrayal

As if your attitude isn’t transparent. Cope in dismay your allotted accumulation and multitude of canned lectures can’t compensate for your intellectual insecurities. And all I am is thinking f**k your latter, I come from a different world. I have barely arrived and am already getting sick of playing pretend with all my farce faces and inconsiderate smiles.

Somewhere between seduced and reminiscing I lay in filth squandering time in heat.

Everyone looking for metaphors and twists in drama. For some reason lots of fleeting eyes could see the innocence now struggling with a perverse outlook. Too tired of the cycle looking for something only presenting itself when ill of will. Upset at the clucks of people trying to find the initiator to set things in motion. Tepid of going out on a limb and getting shot up, bruised up, left for a blue demeanor due to others hesitant  and insecure feelings. 

In free fall from taking chances troubling confidence. Luckily I still got intuition. Sick of hearing, how it comes so easy for others; however not true even on the flipside it’s just a matter of courage. 

Fed-up, now suddenly this everyday motion weighs heavy in tempo, lamenting pitch, and carotene lenses.

Gone for too long yet others see this as a reunion, however in my new found perspective I no longer get lost in your abstract concept and consider us a home of physicality.

From early ease unfitting pieces of a puzzle. 

Now listen, consider us inconspicuous and recognize me as lucidity. Miscellaneous efforts of going out scorned as things broke down in nonchalance residing disheveled attitudes

Call it a difference of perspective ultra violence all you see is red now.

If our future was the biggest fantasy then saddly I was the loudest hypnotic

Somewhere between past and fervor

If you must exploit the little things then why can’t we have this left open-ended

Feeling ever lighter in my high because even less stay as I rise and all that is left are those with my name.

Somewhere between mistress and iconic I begin.

A better me to have to change the inertia of bad intentions, recognize the secrets I haven’t said, facilitate relationship lessons learned and better my days.

Why does it seem that I work so hard to be happy and yet the pain comes so easily.

To be loved is to have one’s existence acknowledged in so fearless and indiscriminate I pursue

Still, I chase.