To My Dead Sister...

Tomorrow is your day
The day you turn 20 or would’ve atleast.
I promised myself,
that I wouldn’t cry tomorrow
So I clench my pillow against my face
Breaking down in the darkness.
I remind myself to breathe, but I can’t.
I know I have to, but I can’t.
Trying to breathe, but i feel the weight on my lungs.
I gasp for air, but my lungs do not fill up.
tears still rolling down my cheeks

I get up and walk to The mirror
I look at my face, Swollen, Red.
I look at my bloodshot eyes, red lines, once white..
An empty face stares back at me, no emotion, free of pain.
Am I supposed to be here? Asks for the reflection.
I question my place in this world.
I question my possessions. Are they really meant for me? Are they really mine?
Or am I living a borrowed life?
It was supposed to be yours, but the atrophy took you away long before me.
Now all I have are pictures,
of what you once looked like,
And all that leaves me with are questions.
Do I look you? Will I ever see you?
But until then, I leave you with this promise
That you shall never be forgotten but celebrated.