rainfall

cold  dark  winter  night

rainfall  in  winters  life

wet  and  seeless  fright

winter  brings  a  cold  wet  nife.

 

damp  and  slipery  comes  the  night

wet  alone  and  scared  under  the  moonlight

stars  hide  under  a  blanket  of  clouds

streets  flood  with  water.

 

as  I  stand  in  the  rainfall

my  soul  dampens  and  my  heart  weakens

I  stand  outside  as  midnight  creeps

I  stand  their  as  the  rain  washes  me  away

 

 

 

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

This write is so perfect, the words feel like falling rain with the spacing and sentence structure. Just brought about a feeling of the cold and dark one gets standing in the rain... Vivid and amazing!

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

The spaces between your words, making statements all their own, intentionally made this piece interesting. You can flesh it out a bit, just to make the flow easier, but all in all, I enjoyed reading your work. ks

[Bryan A.]

I thought this piece was really good. A little short, I felt like it could have gone on longer, but it was great. I did notice some of the errors, but no big deal. Very nice.

[nocturnalbeast]

I really like this. I've been in this place before. It seems at this time, you were feeling helpless, like you couldn't do anything. I LOVE IT!.

[Paul Pruett]

Good one. I noted as you said some of the errors, but a good piece. Keep up the good work.

[Sean Augy]

very nice. it made me cold lol. the only thing is that on the fourth line of the first stanza you said 'nife' instead of 'knife'

[poetic-raven2012]

Really well wrtten and the imagery is amazing =)
I like this
=)

[Butterflymom]

Intense piece, and nicely written! I enjoyed the decription and imagery. Well done!

[We are young.]

I really liked this piece, very descriptive.

[Spit_and_Prayers]

A very emotional poem, well done. I could almost feel the wetness of the rain upon my skin. My only suggestion would be to fix the rhythm of the second line in the second stanza.