scared my divorce

im living with anxiety and depression heres my story

scared

my divorce

so this is my life and here’s my story

i had everything to live for until one morning

when the man i love broke my heart

11 years of marriage now we’ve fallen apart

i kissed him goodbye on that Sunday morning

he hugged me tight he said i will call you

but as the day went on and the night came in

the man i love didn’t ring

i dialled his number but got no reply

now i was worried i begin to cry

what has happened is he ok

then he finally texted me yay hooray

but what i read i didn’t expect

this message wasn’t a loving text

this message stated that our marriage was over

i don’t love you no more that’s what he quoted

no baby please this cant be true

u love me and i love you

i know its been hard

but we battled like soldiers

stood together shoulder to shoulder

although at times we may have been stressed

but we were providers no time for rest

i did 2 jobs and studied hard to

i was also a mummy and a wife to you

yes at time we both felt the strain

but reaching our goals was our family aim

as the years went on we began to achieve

us as a family beginning to succeed

i loved you so much you were my everything

not only my husband but my bestest fiend

for once in my life i could actually believe

that you and me could live our dream

so please tell me baby how can this be

that behind my back you were deceiving me

i trusted you with my life

and proudly stood as your wife

I cant begin to express how im feeling

when I heard from your friends

you were planning on leaving

so many lies you told to them

things about me i couldn’t defend

but back at home you told me different

now i realise the things you twisted

you played me good until you got strong

then dropped me quick and you moved on

i cant believe that my eyes didnt see

that this is what you were planning for me

when finally i accepted our marriage was over

i found the strength to ask you for closure

so i could move on and not feel bitter

but the text i got back said no i cant face ya

so with no explanation no reasons why

im just meant to except that was my last goodbye

when i enter the house that was once our home

pictures of us still hang on the wall

your pjs still lay at the bottom of our bed

and your smell on the pillow where i lay my head

every room i enter i still see your face

and remember the memories and the plans we made

i can still hear those words i love you forever

and the trust and loyalty we had for each other

i look at the sofa where our family sat together

pure silence no arguments what so ever

this house felt cold as i stood there alone

my heads going crazy this is no longer home

mum don’t hide i know your sad

i see in your eyes the pain from dad

but this divorce has hurt me to

because first i lost dad

and now ive lost you

we can get a house and start again

then i can help you build up strength

but first you need help to make your head better

then we can live our life together

so doctor please help me quick

inside my head i know its sick

my heart is bleeding and i cant stop crying

help me save my heart from dying

i have nothing left of who i am

i have no strength to stand up strong

my head is pounding and i feel so low

when i rest my head its on over load

im searching my phone for possible answers

but every text were his usual responses

so many thoughts so much confusion

im bitter and angry im like an explosion

so doctor please ease my pain

and help me feel like im human again

oh young lady listen to me

this way of life is not healthy

i can see in you face that you are ill

you need some help from the mental health team

so here i am at my weekly session

learning to live with anxiety and depression

im so scared and feel so lonely

and rely on pills that control me

i cant explain the damage inside

constantly thinking my life’s been a lie

all the promises he made me and the things he said

meant nothing to him they were hollow words

every time he said forever i love you

you didn’t mean it cxxxxxx how could you

each layer of my heart has scars and bruising

and my heads now twisted with constant confusion

when i shut my eyes or dare to sleep

im reminded my husband did this to me

so please god up above

heal me from this pain called love

help my heart to trust again

and heal my wounds that are deep within

i need to find who i am

so i can learn to live again

all this above is my confession

please set me free from a life of depression

Author's Note

This divorce was such a shock to me my life is upside down im lost in my own head