Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

Every night when I go to bed I dread waking up in the morning. Every time my alarm goes off I know my torture is going to be worse than the day before. The only time I have peace is when I’m asleep. I wish I could sleep forever. Unfortunately I have to wake up every morning and go to school. If I’m Lucky maybe I’ll get to stay in bed with the flu.

It doesn’t matter if I stay home or go to school my life is a living hell. If I stay home I have t deal with the alcoholic I use to call dad (also known as “the devil”). If I go to school I have deal with Jerry and his gang (also known as “the devils apprentices”). Jerry and his gang are a bunch of idiots who like to bully people. Nobody stands up to them. They are too afraid of them. Even the teachers won’t say anything to them,

I hear footsteps coming down the hall. It must be the devil himself. I close my eyes and pretend like I’m asleep. He walked in my room and started yelling get up out of that bed using a stream of profanity that would make a sailor blush. I crawled out of bed taking my time just to make him mad. He shoved me to the ground, kicked me in the side, and yelled.

 “Hurry up you worthless no good piece of crap. It should have been you that died in the wreck not your mother.”

I wish it would have been me, because I wouldn’t have to deal with him. While I was still getting dressed he came back into the room and started yelling.

“Hurry your a*s up. You better not miss the damn bus on the 2^nd day of school. I do not want you here with me”

“Trust me I do not want to be here with you either” I thought to myself.

I finished getting dressed, grabbed my bag and, walked out to the bus stop. I didn’t even brush my teeth or comb my hair because I wanted to get away from him. While I was waiting on the bus I started reminiscing about when we got along. That was before my mom got in a wreck three years ago when I was nine. My mom and I were going to town one snowy night and she hit a patch of ice, lost control of the car, and hit a tree. She was killed on the spot and I just had bad whiplash. From that day my dad started drinking beer like crazy and soon after we hated each other’s guts. My dad use to take me to the park at least once a week. We would always go out to eat and then we would go to the movies. He would give me piggy back rides around the house, store, or where ever we was. We would wrestle until we broke something. Then he would pin me down and tickle me to death. When mom came home from work and seen whatever we broke she would laugh and ask who won. I didn’t notice I had tears rolling down my cheeks until the bus pulled up.

When I got on the bus everyone started laughing and saying “Awe look at the little baby”. They also started saying “Does James need his binky.” I just ignored them and sat down in the first empty seat I found. I forgot that we have a new neighbor two houses down until we stopped at his house and he got on. I was hoping he wouldn’t sit with me, but he took one look at me and I knew he would sit with me. The next thing I know is he is asking

“Can I sit here?”

I just nodded yes, and then looked out the window. It wasn’t a minute later, and he already started talking to me like we were best friends. I don’t like to talk to people, because everybody hates me.

“Hi” he said excitedly.

“Hey” I replied.

“My name is Jenson Mckarenson. What is yours?” he asked.

“James Smith” I replied while looking out the window.

“I’m new here” he said.

“I know” I said while rolling my eyes.

“You wanna be friends?” he asked with curiosity.

“Why are you talking to me” I barked at him.

“I’m just trying to be nice, and make friends” he cried.

“I know and I’m sorry. It’s just nobody likes me, and if we were friends they would hate you too.”

“I don’t care if they hate me, but if you let me I still wanna be your friend.” He explained.

“Why” I asked.

“I don’t know I Just do. So can we be friends?”

“We’ll see.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going back to sleep. Will you wake me up when we get there?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

After staring out the window for a few more minutes I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Reviews

[5minutesofcrazy]

I like the raw intensity that you are channeling here. I feel like sometimes you are either guarding details, or are conjuring a scenario that hasn't been fleshed out. Instead of describing the father's cursing, just begin the litany he opens up with. I guess most of my critique would center around that. I feel like there is so much potential just under the surface. Detail the pain of the protagonist more, the conflict with antagonist, the experience with getting on the bus; talk about the hurt of the insults, your response, what you would have liked to do.

Overall, it's good. I think it has alot of potential.

[julian lewis]

I thank you for taking the time to review it and give me your oppinion

[Kevin S. Nagy]

I agree.

[5minutesofcrazy]

I hope this doesn't discourage you at all from continuing.

[julian lewis]

no im gonna finish it

[Kevin S. Nagy]

You write well. I would skip the parantheses in the begining at the introduction of the devil and his associates though. Also I would make small changes to the conversation in the end to make it more interesting. I wouldn't start the conversation with "Hi, my name is...", it's not a very interesting opening. If you open with something more unique and later on get to "I'm Jenson by the way, Jenson Mckarenson, whats your name?" then Jenson will become a more interesting and unpredictable person throughout your story. Of course I don't know what your plan is for Mr Mckarenson's character but I'm just sharing my thoughts here. It will be very interesting to further investigate the future relationship of James and Jenson and see what you have in store for them.

[julian lewis]

I thank you for taking the time to review it and give me your oppinion