are you here with anyone?

just a short observation from my past; and perhaps a cautionary tale for any who need that.

2004-10-21 - 3:46 p.m.

Are you here with anyone?

People are, to say the very least...interesting creatures. So long ago, when Lynn's health was better, one of our favorite things in life - a simple thing, really - was to go out to breakfast together. Did not matter where - nice restaurant, 24 hour diner, fast food place, whatever; the food and locale were very secondary. Being together, without the distractions of everyday life, being fully present with one another..that was the prime focus.

One Sunday morning we were at a small 'family restaurant' where we often ate. We were waiting for our food to be served, and I noticed that a late-middle-aged couple was sitting at a table directly across from us, against the wall and beside the large picture window. Morning sunlight was drifting softly through the window, and one could see the leaves on the ornamental shrubs outside stirring slightly in the early Sunday breeze. The woman was looking out the window at the pretty and quiet vista.

The man sitting directly across from her, only two feet away, was intently reading a newspaper which he was holding up at face level, alternately picking at his meal and sipping coffee, without losing his place. I thought to myself, and mentioned to Lynn, that this seemed so insulting, to me - the poor woman appeared to be an unnecessary optional accessory, and I thought that if she got up and quietly left, the man would not even notice. So, we wondered, why did he even bother...and why did she go with him? Not only was he behaving in a way that would be hurtful to the woman, but he was depriving himself of spending time with someone who must have been important to him. And once that time has passed by, those moments never return. We cannot buy even one lost moment back, not with all our tears, all our regrets or our most sincere wishes.

Throughout history, one of the universal truths of social interaction with others has been this : if we are with someone, then we should be totally present to that person, in the here and now, deeply enjoying the unique gift that the person is. If I am with a person, at lunch or some social gathering, in a public place or a more intimate place, then I want the person I am with to know that I am focused on them, and nothing else. I want them to know that their words are important to me, their thoughts have value, their perceptions have worth. For I believe - as the wisdom teachers of many different traditions have stated- we can learn so much from those who come across our paths. And the gift of our presence and our attentiveness is a gift that we should be happy to share with all who come our way.

As Master Hanh, and Sri Easwaran would say, may I always live mindfully in this moment, giving honor and kindness to anyone who is present with me. And may others enrich my own life, by being truly present to me, when time brings us near one another.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Words of wisdom here Julian and also a lesson in good manners. How impolite of him to block her out by burying himself in his newspaper. You are so right about devoting your attention to the person with you. Living in the moment. I enjoyed my visit here and thank you for posting.


Chris

[Julian]

Your presence always make for a better day!! Thank you so much!!

[Samuel Dickens]

I find this a worthwhile, interesting, and well-written read. Although some sentences are rather long, they flow well and are easily understood. I agree, too, on the message sent. As I live with someone who is often not "there" when they're there, these words have extra meaning.

[Starbaby]

So much truth in what you say here. I am certain that many here, myself included, have been guilty of this from time to time. I appreciate your gentle reminder. This becomes more and more prevalent in the age of technology, where there is just so much to distract us from being truly present. The constant need to be connected at all times has certainly aided in the loss of our abilities to connect with one another on a more personal and meaningful level.

[Julian]

thank you for your kind words and your understanding. The time does come, in one way or another, that we can no longer be with someone, whether due to life changes, distance, or death.