Time Bomb

It had been a few weeks since our midnight walk. It was the beginning of March and colder than what winter had been. Theo's mother was home now and he had to pick up extra shifts at work to cover for her. She could only work the bar and tables at the club she worked at. I made an effort to get to know this woman. Instead of going to Higgins I went to his house and waited with her.

The woman was a riot. Theo got his dazzling smiles and expressive eyes from her. She loved laughter and caused it as often as she could. Her voice was rough from years of smoking, but tender. Her hair was essentially dead from years of too much heat, too much product, too much abuse. It was shoulder length, dyed blonde, and curled slightly in at the ends. She was beautiful and had the charm of many years behind her. I enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed mine.

She wasn’t ashamed to tell me about her escapades as a stripper, sparing only the details that were too much to share. She told me about the times when a man would come to the bar she was working at every night and give her a rose.

“It was like he was trying to marry me or something,” She laughed. “I tried to tell him whatever he spent on the damn rose would’ve been better to me. He comes in and sits in the front like it isn’t a strip club and he smiles when I come out. Then working the bar he buys a drink from me and tries to make small talk. Now, I have work to do, I don’t have time for some ‘Pretty Woman’ fantasy of his. Then another time there’s a rampaging woman tearing through the club to find her husband, flipping chairs and tables, flinging them across the room. If I was her husband I’d hide from her too!”

I laugh along with her as she goes on. She fills the time with her stories of her and Theo, happy ones. She notes that there were dark times but doesn’t dwell on them. The more time I spent with her the more I saw how her son could want so much for her. She did deserve it.

Around nine,  nine-thirty, Theo would come home from work to find the two of us. Most nights he was too tired, and I went to the boulder alone. He had been angry lately, so much more so than he ever had been. He brushed me off most nights, barely giving me a goodnight.

From what I could tell, the better his mom was getting, the worse he was. Between school and Higgins he was run ragged. The boys still tried picking fights with him, but he just didn’t have the energy. It killed him, not being able to fight back. He fell asleep in class, his grades were falling, and he had no time to himself to make sense of it all. The red rage burned on his skin much more often.

Finally one night he came home and asked his mother if he could go out. She let us go, happy that he wanted to get out for a bit. We walked to the power lines where we had met only five months before. Just as it came into sight he stopped.

“I’m going to head back.”

“What? We aren’t even there yet,” I told him.

“This is a bad idea,” he insisted.

“Theo come on, I think you need this more than anyone,” I tried again.

“I don’t feel like getting high, or drunk, I should’ve just gone to sleep. I’m going to regret it tomorrow if I don’t.”

“Everyone’s been wondering where you’ve been lately,” I said.

“Avoiding them.”

“What? Why?”

“They’re toxic.”

What was he saying? “Theo, these are our friends.”

“They aren’t Dana. That’s just it. They all sit there and get high! They don’t care the world is happening around them! Mine is spinning too fast to sit there with them. I don’t want to do it anymore. That’s not how we get out of this town. I thought I was tired before, but God I'm f*****g tired and I don't have this kind of time.”

“You need to slow down.”

“No Dana, I don’t. I got my college acceptance letters back. Out of eight I got into one. They offered ten-thousand, that’s it. Tuition’s thirty. My SAT scores sucked and I don’t qualify for scholarships that offer a full ride. I’m not going anywhere and I still have that responsibility.”

"One last time?" I asked. It was more of a plea. I needed him there. Getting high without him mumbling his fables beside me, or stargazing at the chinese constellations, adding some intelligent thought to the drone of idiots around us, it just wasn't worth it.

"One last time."

"Theo! Is that you man?!" Derek shouted across the grassy field. "Finally!"

Too late to turn back now.

"Where the hell have you been?" Red headed Mitch clapped him on the back as we finally reached the boulder.

Theo had plastered on a dead smile. "No where important."

A joint was promptly handed to him as well as a beer bottle that was tossed over.

"Saint Patricks coming up soon, everyone's fixing to get rip-roaring drunk." Derek explained as Theo looked at it.

Derek tossed one to me as well. Theo opened the both of ours while he took a drag. As soon as he exhaled he gulped down a swig of alcohol. Soon enough redness spread from our eyes, over our cheeks, and to the tips of our noses.

His fables were coming faster than usual. His voice running through them at an overzealous rate. I could barely understand them. He was flat on his back once more, his elbows had given out. The birthmark under his chin moved with every slurred word.

Derek got deliriously drunk.

"Slow down Derek,” Blondie urged. The circle had since assimilated back together, everyone back in their old place.

“F**k off, I’m seventeen now.” He waved off Blondie’s concern. “Speakin’ of which, hey Theo!”

Theo hoisted himself up enough to meet Derek’s bloodshot eyes. Theo’s lips were still moving.

“I went to Cosmopolis with Sal for my birthday.” Derek took a drink from the beer he had just opened.

The name registered with Theo immediately. It froze the words in his throat

Derek continued, “Your mom’s hot man. Gotta say it.”

My fuzzy mind registered the words too casually. Derek was going down a road that he wouldn’t if he was sober and the others who had been on Theo’s side were going to feed off of him. He just set off a timebomb. Still he spoke on as Theo’s timebomb began to count down.

“She’s got a nice a*s. I’d f**k her.” He smirked. Tick.

Theo’s jaw clenched, “Shut up Derek.” Tock. Please Derek keep your mouth shut.

“Come on man, no reason to get pissed. It’s a compliment.” Tick. “I mean she’s a stripper dude. You gotta get used to it.” Tock.

“Shut up!” Tick. Derek please.

“Just sayin’-” Tock.

“Shut the f**k up! Shut up! Shut your f*****g mouth!” He exploded. Theo sat up now, all eyes were on him. “Go back to wasting away like a f*****g drunk. No one will care because you don’t matter Derek! What good are you? Your own parents didn’t even want you.”

Complete silence fell over the boulder. Derek sat dumbfounded after Theo delivered that stab to the heart.

“What? You’re adopted dude. You gotta get used to it,” He spat. Theo stood up. “Sorry to spoil your Saint Patricks day. I’ll get going so you can fantasize about f*****g my mom without me having to ruin it. You’re nothing, and you’ll only ever be nothing.” He looked to me, “You gonna sit there and stare at me or are you coming?”

Dazed and sluggish, I nodded a yes to the latter option. He pulled me down.

Once out of sight his hands went to his hair, tugging harshly. “I told you it was a bad idea.”

“It was only Derek Theo. You know he doesn’t mean anything when he’s drunk.”

“It was only Derek. It was only Mark. It was only Mitch. It was everyone Dana! You were the last person I would’ve thought to be so blind.”

“I’m not blind.”

“No you choose not to see. You sit there with your thumb up your a*s while they all f**k with me.”

“Excuse you?”

He ignored me. “I’m so f*****g angry Dana. All I see all day is red. I can’t meet someone’s eyes without seeing what they must be thinking. I’m not a genius being able to read people when everyone in this town is like a f*****g children’s book. I thought that when I couldn’t see what your were thinking it was because maybe you were a novel. Your book hasn’t even been written Dana. You're just f*****g blank waiting for someone to write all over you. What you're supposed to do, who you're supposed to be. Write your own f*****g book Dana! I'm not doing it for you!”

He waited me to add another bit of fuel to his fire, but I didn’t give into it. I watched him go off and putter out as the steam in his head began to cool. His eyes met mine, with that look that haunted me.

“F**k I’m sorry Dana.”

“It’s ok Theo.” He grabbed me in a hug. “It’s ok Theodore.”

“For f**k’s sake it’s Theo,” He said into my shoulder.

“Sure,” I laughed.

He sighed deeply. “It takes too much to live.”

We walked home as Theo vented to me. How angry he was, how hopeless everything felt. His only plan had fallen through and he only had Higgins left. He told me how he just wanted to feel nothing again, if just for a moment.

"Hey Dana?"

"Yeah?" I asked, just as we were about to part ways.

"I love you," he said. His lips gently kissed my cheek and his fingers brushed against mine before holding on tenderly. "Thanks."

He turned and left, fading as he passed every lamp post.