Tired

Things went on as they always do. Derek and the boys went to the porridge most nights. They always tried to goad Theo into coming. He always refused. After being out in the cold on New Years he had a spat of some head cold going around and wasn't up to a frozen dip in the lake. I made him stay close to the fire since he insisted on coming every night.

"Did you ever read-"

"Yeah," I interrupted him, "I did."

He gazed at me for a moment before putting his hands in his pockets and looking back to the flames. "So you got it?"

I nodded.

"You're the only one who knows,"

I continued to nod, not meeting his eyes. I didn't want this conversation.

People didn't spill out their life stories in my town. They sent them to the sky in a puff of smoke. Everyone who lived there had a story, we all knew it was one thing or another. I didn’t need Theo to define exactly what his problem was. We both had our own and understood that. My Theo didn't need to be defined with an archaic definition. My father doesn't define me, his mother doesn't define him.

"Hey let's get out of here. Too damn cold," he said, noticing my discomfort.

"Go home?" I asked.

"My place," he said. He held out his hand. "Wanna?"

"Sure," I said and grabbed hold.

The short walk served to send Theo into a bout of shivering.

"You need a jacket."

"I'm f-fine," he insisted. His breath appeared in front of him in puffs of vapor reflecting in the light of the street lamps.

"I'm f-fine," I mimicked and rubbed my arms in a fake shiver.

"Shut up," he said and bumped me with his shoulder. I could tell he was forcing himself not to stutter in the cold

I laughed. "I'm getting you a jacket."

"Do not spend m-money on me Dana," he warned.

"I'm getting you a jacket Theodore."

"Don't you dare."

I waited for his playful correction that always followed, but it didn't come. Instead he sneezed into his elbow.

"Bless you."

"Thanks," he said with a sniffle.

We took a turn down his street and he reached for my hand. I took it as an apology offered for forgetting his usual correction of his name. Theo. I took it and let our fingers intertwine. Sure.

“The stars are out again,” he told me.

“I see.” I glanced to see him gazing up at them again. I sighed. “Would you like to tell me a story about them?”

“So bad,” he smirked.

“Go ahead,” I said.

He told me all about Osiris, what he believed to be the better name for Orion.

"The Egyptians named the stars and constellations after their gods and goddesses. So what the greeks knew as Orion, they called Osiris after their underworld god.”

“And?”

“I just think that’s better than dumb Orion. Would you rather name a constellation after the god of the underworld or some hunter who killed a lot of things? Orion also raped a few girls in some stories, but you’d expect Zeus to put a rapist in the stars. In another story it was said Orion came from three gods peeing on a bull hide. I don’t know I just don’t like him, he’s dumb. Seems like he’d be a giant jerk.” He shrugged in this unassuming way, to discredit his words.

“Osiris seems a-okay?” I asked with a smirk.

“Yeah he’s a-okay,” he said.

He opened the door for me and let me inside his dark house. Not a light was to be had. He flicked one of the light switches with no response.

“Damn. They cut the power. God damnit!” he growled. He made his way to the kitchen, and I followed behind him. I couldn’t figure out how he could see in the dark. I was hitting walls and tripping up on carpets. Anyways he had the fridge open and he took bottles of beer, milk, deli meat, and whatever else was in there out and placed them on the counter.

“It’s still relatively cold. I’m gonna put the rest in the freezer,” he said and shoved two bottles in my hand.

“Want me to head to the living room?”

“Yeah, be careful, there’s a table in the hallway.”

“Thanks.”

Once he joined me we got drunk together again and it ended with the two of us making out on his couch. His hair was soft and he was starting to get facial hair. It ended with his bloodshot eyes meeting mine and our lips coming together clumsily as my fingers played in his soft hair. I don't remember if it was me or him who stopped to look at each other, his thumb rubbing back and forth over my hip and mine against his lightly scratchy cheek. We sat in each other's silence, reveling in the way both of our hearts were beating. Admiring how the rise and fall of each other's chest meant that we were breathing. The fact that we knew we were in the same sinking boat that pretended it didn't have a leak. I clung to him like a life preserver, this boy without a winter jacket.

A cloud came over his eyes as his barely-there smile turned to a frown. With his brows furrowed he glanced back up at me.

"Dana, I'm tired," he said. A sigh overtook his entire body. He trembled with the force of it. "I'm tired of having things to forget."

"Me too Theo. Me too."