My Remedy

My writing sucks lately. In fact, my fingertips are actually feeling numb as I touch the key board on my laptop. It’s been weeks since I meet with myself as I usually like to. Here, at the peak of midnight, while my phone plays Ed Sheeran, and I’m in bed, between warm sheets. When most people are asleep I do this instead and I’ll admit this is my favorite thing to do.

I think I started writing because of an epiphany i may have had during an English course in high school. My English teacher shared his passion for words and i too discovered how magnificent the separate world of grammar is. At the start of college is when I truly felt like I had part in the grammar, and literature aspect of English. I would write because my classes required me to, but more often than not I would find myself writing in emails, in “love” letter, and just writing in general because it was soothing to me. This is soothing to me; I think it will always be something that soothes me.

It doesn’t matter what day it is or what hour in the day I choose to write in, I just know I can always do this and feel freed from anything. I get to tell myself all that I’m thinking, all that I’m feeling and it’s one of the greatest feelings I’ve experienced thus far. Lately, my days seem like weeks. I’ve been dangling on a thin string attached to a feeble needle. -- It feels like to me. In the last four months I’ve seen nothing but truth, the truth in all the happy moments and the truth in all the sad unexpected ones. I’m talking about those moments that are capable of taking you elsewhere, the ones that can make you extremely euphoric, the ones that can make you laugh so hard that your eyes become teary and those moments that can crush you inside too… the ones that purposely make you want to curl up and cry for hours.

In brief:

Working and not and then working again, school then an involuntary break and now school again, boys, boy toys, men. Some long nights and new friends. Old habits. I need a clear mind now. I wish I could paper shred the waste of this list and file what worth it. I understand that I’ve been walking around as if I was decapitated. Without any direction, like the lyrics of the song Diary, quote “Her mind is in the clouds, she writes it all down.” My only remedy is to express my troubles here on this screen; on this once blank page. I’m committed to move onward, this implies me finding my head again. I need to recollect all that I let become disordered in my life because this isn’t me. I want to see me and everything in my life with another light. Nothing I’ve ever conquered was conquered in a cluttered state of mind. Therefore, no matter the struggles and the betrayals and the wasted energy, I will persevere and touch base with this page in a few months.

Writing this helped, so credit is and will be given.

To be continued…

Reviews

[Laura Newsholme]

This is an eerily accurate portrayal of my life and writing methods! Were we separated at birth?!

I enjoyed it, but just watch your proofreading - there are a few areas where words have been missed out or 'I' has come out as 'i'. Totally understandable though, as it is clear that this just came out of you all in one go.

[Jules]

Thank You, I will proofread better next time.
This was something i needed to write for myself but im glad you can relate.

Thank You again