The Truth of the Matter

 O   n   e

The Truth of the Matter

 

Claire

The arm that rested around my shoulder was an extra weight I had to carry. It reminded me of the truth, the painful truth, the truth that to him I wasn’t a human being, that my physical form was the only thing that mattered. This truth was tearing me apart from the inside out. The smile he wore was real, but worn in a way that made me feel like a trophy rather than an equal, which was the truth. The truth was that my heart felt overworked. It was being used far much more than it was being cared for.

The truth was revealed to me four months after we became official. It was Brendan and Claire; the newest couple in school, they said. At first the truth was hidden, not evident. Time began to form a new perspective and I saw everything in a new light. I could see people’s thoughts on their faces. They had known what I didn’t and it made me feel unintelligent. Their eyes reflected the way he looked at me and finally one day I did see what they saw. He looked at me as if he were proud and amused. At first I had found it flattering and genuine, but than I just realized it was the look he would give me if I were a dog doing some amazing tricks that would win him the gold metal. Everything became clear after that.

I knew why he was always either late for a date or calling to cancel. I knew that when he said I love you, it wasn’t because that’s how he felt and that he meant it, it was to get me to surrender to his every inconspicuous demand. I was his. Controlled and manipulated without even knowing it. When his arm was around my shoulder I felt like a captive. Once again submitting to his will and desires. Everyone saw this too and wondered why I was so blind to it.

Knowing and understanding the truth was the reason for all this additional pressure. I thought I could maybe handle it for a while longer, knowing the truth and agreeing to go on with it until I found a way to get out, but it was easier said than done. When you know the truth, it nags and nags at you until you finally decide to do something about it. This nagging eats away at your mind and the ability to think clearly and properly and then it starts to eat away at you physically; controlling your actions until you’re a slave to it. So that’s why I had to get out before I no longer had that option.

I slipped out from underneath his arm and turned around heading in the opposite direction than he was going in. I felt free as soon as I was no longer under his weight.

“Hey, Claire! Where ya going? Did ya forget something?” Brendan asked, a few feet behind me now, stopping in his tracks and turning around to watch me leave. I pretended not to hear him, but inaudibly muttered on my breath, “Yes, I forgot my dignity a few months back.” I wasn’t going to break up with him, not here not now. I just needed space; which to him was unnatural because if you remember in his eyes I’m not a human being, but a submissive pet. I had to think this through carefully and then I would finally take the leap that would get me out of this situation. As I walked to class a different way I considered all my options and realized the only one I could take would take more time than I was willing to give and would land me back into another mess I was unwilling to be in. I guess I had a choice to make between the two evils.

I walked past a group of girls huddled in the hall. You could tell they were gossiping about some big news, but I was unaware of what it was. Out of no where I heard my name called over the roar of the hallway’s normal noises and chattering. I instinctively turned towards the voice seeing Kayla waving to me from the group of huddled girls. I waved back and was going to continue on my way when she started heading over to me.

“Hey, Claire! Oh, my gosh! Did you hear; we got another new kid?” Kayla asked excitedly letting her blonde waves slightly bounce against her shoulders.

“We always get new kids. What’s the big deal?” I asked slightly perturbed that she would bring up such a minor subject when I was going to be late for class.

“He’s not just any new kid. He moved here from Alaska with his sister. He is extremely gorgeous and he has straight A’s.” I could instantly tell where she was going with this now. Kayla had always been the one to put dibs on me breaking up with Brendan as soon as I realized what he was up to. Now she wanted to claim her title over this new kid. Basically, she was telling me to back off and don’t get any ideas.

“How do you know all of this? Did you ask the kid for his biography or something? What’s his name?” I asked. It really wouldn’t have surprised me if she did, but I’m sure this news got to her before she got the chance.

“No, silly. His name is Avery and the girls got little tid-bits from here and there; just the usual gossip.” Her smile was contagious so I allowed myself to go along with just a slight upward curve of my lips.

“It doesn’t sound like it’s ‘the usual’ to me.” I shrugged casually as I said it.

“You’re right. It’s so much better. I can already tell this one is going to be different from all the rest of the guys.”

“How so?”

“Come on, Claire. Where’ve ya been? Everyone’s talking about him. All the teachers are hoping to see him sitting in their class. Every girl in school can’t wait to get their hands on him and even the guys feel threatened by just his presence. He’s gorgeous, smart, and was even the star quarterback on his old high school’s football team. What’s not to love?”

 As I was about to respond, pointing out the fact that there were many guys in our school that also had those qualities, another girl from her group pulled her back into the crowd and they once again engaged themselves in a conversation apparently relating to Avery. I walked away drowning myself in my thoughts once again. Before I knew it the five minute bell for class rang loud and clear over all the noise the students made. In the midst of the rushing blur of kids heading to their classes there was one who stood out above all the others.

As everyone else seemed to speed right on by around him he appeared to be as clear through the blur as if he were walking, but moving at a slightly faster speed than everyone else. It was obvious right away that this was Avery and every comment that Kayla had made seemed to make complete sense. Within a split second he turned in my direction and our eyes locked on each other. I stared in disbelief as he stole the breath away from my lungs.

 

›š›š›š›š

Avery

It took me five seconds to swing the locker com around and pull the locker door open from its locked position. As I did, I stopped as I started to hear my name in whispers behind me on the other side of the hall. It wasn’t so unusual; I was used to being talked about wherever I went. Maybe it was the abnormality of the situations I always seemed to get myself into or maybe it was just my appearance, but most of the time it was a combination of the two. I heard the group of girls’ whispers loud and clear as if they were talking right next to me.

“Is that the new guy?”

“Yeah, his name is Avery.”

“I think he’s in one of my classes.”

“He’s hot! Do you think he has a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you go find out?”

“Fine, maybe I will.” I heard the click of high heels approaching from behind me. The way the girl walked revealed a large amount of confidence so obviously this girl was over-confident or used to getting her way. The clicking stopped right beside me as I continued to pretend to fish out school supplies. The sweet aroma she emitted swirled in the air around us filling my nose with the smell of peaches. She leaned on the locker on the other side of me just staring awestruck. My peripheral vision revealed that she was almost as tall as me with bright blonde hair trailing down her shoulders in waves; she was fairly pretty I guess you could say, but just as typical as any other shallow high school girl who is obsessed with popularity and boys. I wasn’t interested in her; in fact I wasn’t interested in anyone at all or for that matter being interested in being interested. She cleared her throat trying to get my attention, with no luck, before she spoke.

“Hey, I’m Kayla. You’re new here to St. Casper High, right?” Kayla asked as she flipped her hair behind her and batting her long eyelashes in an obvious manner. The school’s name brought a different sense of comfort as she reminded me where I was.

“Yeah.” I said briefly glancing up at her just out of acknowledgement and then turning back to the locker.

“Do you know where all your classes are? Would you like me to show you around?”

“Yes, I know where they all are and no I can find my way.”

“Oh. Ok, so I heard that you were the star quarter back on the football team back in Juno, are you looking to be involved in football here? Because I can hook you up with the coach if you want. I’m the head cheerleader.” She said with a big smile. Ah hah. So that was it right there. She was one of the popular preps, probably one of the most popular if not the most popular. Right away I could tell she had a thing for me. Anytime now she was gonna crack and fall into her own trap because I wasn’t biting her bait. 

“Yes. I was. But I’m not anymore.” I dished regretfully. It was all just a lie, one big fat lie, as was the appearance of my entire life. I had never played quarter back in my life. It was just a cover up for something so much greater.

“May I ask why not?” Kayla asked concerned.

“It just took up too much of my time.”

“Oh. That’s too bad. I heard it was your life. Not saying that you couldn’t get a scholarship because of your grades because you probably could get many scholarships with those, but, um, yeah.” Her face flushed red as she noticed she was beginning to babble. I couldn’t believe my grades had gotten around the school as well.

“Well, the bell’s going to ring soon, but before I go; I was, um, wondering if you, ya know, had a, um, girlfriend?” Kayla asked dropping her head to look at the ground so her sudden self consciousness wouldn’t be noticed, even though I noticed her every movement and change in emotion quite constantly.

“No.”

“You don’t?” She asked again shocked. “Well, than are you busy this Friday night? Maybe you and I could go to the movies or something.” She added quickly understanding that I meant the no. Her voice had regained its confidence.

“No. Sorry, I’m not interested.” I said, through clenched teeth. I shut the locker door, trying not to slam it as best as I could. No girls ever tried to even get to know me – not that they’d really even want to, but I still wish they’d try just so they’d know what they wanted to get themselves into. It’s the same old thing over and over again. They see me – on the outside – and don’t observe the inside to know what I’m really like.Kayla’s face crinkled in confusion – either it was a first for her to be rejected or she was confused about something else. Then it slowly returned to a normal state giving away her sudden understanding.

“You’re not … gay … are you?” She asked slowly.

 “No, I’m not. I’m just not interested, but if your theory works out better for you, go ahead and give your friends…” I said nodding to the group of girls still whispering and occasionally glancing over. “…an interesting dose of fiction. It’ll look better for you that way.” My last words came out harsher than I intended, but at least I proved my point. I turned around and walked away leaving her dead in her tracks, mouth slightly ajar, leaving all my cares and concerns behind with her.

I focused my attention on the details of my surroundings, noting where the maps, bathrooms, and library were located. Then I observed the people; the way they dressed, their actions, intentions, how they talked, and what they said. People here were very different from the ones at home. Style and fashion was essential. It was all about the image. I learned just recently from my conversation with Kayla that it was a good thing to be good looking, not that it isn’t anywhere else, but it was a vitally good thing here. I could tell I was probably going to have to put up a wall towards the people in this school soon. They were getting curious and involved too soon. The plan was to be invisible and so far it hadn’t been working. I needed to find a way to blend into the crowds and make it seem like I wasn’t even there.

The sound of a bell suddenly rang into my ears and reminded me that I no longer could focus on my thoughts. In the process of surfacing back to reality, I saw her. She stared back with a dazed expression on her face, but her eyes were alert as they searched my face for an answer. Her strawberry blonde hair that framed her face perfectly and her dazzling and observant eyes made me let down my guard. I hadn’t been expecting it to happen like this, but I knew sooner or later it would. I stared back trying not to let my eyes give me away, but it was too late; they already had. It had happened and before I knew what I was doing and before instinct could take over, I ran. I ran away from her, far away. I ran to my next class and I ran fast. Who knew what I would have done if I stayed and enjoyed the silent encounter?

© By Amanda Gloth