I’m constantly reminded of how unfair life is while gazing at her name carved into the granite. Now this grim etching is all that remains of her. It’s been five years since I last heard her angelic voice, held her soft porcelain hand or felt the warm comfort of her breath, and recapping on the past half decade of my life the only thought that comes to mind is that of her harsh, untimely death. Every moment spent with her was just like a dream, but on that fateful day of her departure I woke up...on the worst of circumstances. I always thought it a mistake that such a divine entity be bestowed upon someone like me; however I guess the universe noticed its mistake and corrected itself by taking her away. Whether she knew it or not I loved her immeasurably which made it impossible to express to her the true extent of my love and every word I spoke or action I undertook seemed to fall well short of the feelings I had. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to tell myself maybe religion was right all along and she was off waiting for me in heaven but the realisation always hits me soon after that this was the equivalent of a mother telling her child that their flattened dog was just sleeping. I guess there is a sort of beauty in despair such as the mesmerizing glow of dancing flames as a house burns down or the iridescent artistry of a cataclysmic supernova; if this were true for all things then the beauty I was suffering from was of unequalled sublimity. I remember the first time we met as if the events were unravelling right before my eyes. It was a cold night and the rain had just started to fall and as I ran frantically for cover I noticed her just standing there in a summer dress. I approached her and offered her my coat, as I assumed she must have been cold, but she politely denied my offer claiming that the rain was soothing. She didn’t care that the rain made her make-up run or that it ruined her hair, all that mattered to her was the tranquillity achieved by just standing there. She intrigued me more than I thought possible for any person and I knew that I must learn more about her so I accompanied her in a walk through the cold, damp streets. As we crossed the bridge leading into the park I stole a glance at her she noticed and shot a smile back and told me that everything in life has a purpose and that she believed I could be her purpose. Perhaps it’s just my pessimistic ways but even more clearly than the day I met her I remember the day she left me. As if by a cruel twist of fate it was a night much like the one in which we met. The sky was painted a dark grey and was shrouded by clouds which had just begun to shower the earth below with rain. The streets were bombarded by a maelstrom of people yet all I seemed to notice was her standing next to me, as if it were just me and her on that dreary day. She gave me one of her smiles that cut through me like a hot knife and i told her that the thought of being away from her even for an instant drove me insane. All she replied with was a melancholy glare. I could tell something was bothering her and further investigated the matter by asking her what was wrong. Thinking back it was her reply to this that forever shattered our intertwining fates. She told me with a despondent look in her eye that she couldn’t live up to the pressure of being with someone who constantly smothered her with affection. I told her that my only reason for doing so was because of my ineffable love for her but all she did was sigh. It was apparent that my efforts were in vain because her recalcitrant ways would not be swayed by my futile attempts to renascent myself in her eyes. She was my world and with that simple sentence that world came crashing down around me. At that very instant I did a quick summary of my life and realised that never had I been happier than when i was with her and came to the conclusion that I would never be able to attain such happiness ever again. With this ghastly epiphany looming over me I brashly decided that the only way to preserve my happiness and make it eternal was to end her life. At least that way I would be the last person she ever loved and if we were to ever meet again she wouldn’t have found anyone else. Realising that no one was around and that there was only one plausible action to undertake, I placed my hands firmly around her elegant neck and clasped down until life no longer resided between my throbbing hands. In doing so i layed her down and engulfed myself in the shadows so that i would be safe from the prying eye. Content that no one had overseen the unspeakable act I quickly returned home. To this very day no one knows who attacked my dearly beloved so brutally. Now here I stand looking down at her tombstone. Faithful to her as I promised I always would be and her incapable of being anything but faithful to me. Although stricken with guilt and plagued by the memory of my unfortunate past I now draw solace from the fact that we will never have, nor need, anyone other than each other ever again.
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