Consolation Prize

He did the worst thing imaginable. All the trust and loyalty you thought he’d given you, was a lie. A girl from his past who is able to change things within three days of talking to him. It was inevitable, but I wasn’t ready to break up with him, so I just waited. I waited for him. Hoping he’d change his mind and come back into my arms. Well I was wrong. His actions aren’t justified. I have no respect for his explanation. Any version of his explanation cannot change the fact that he’s crushed me. My heart is withering away but one answer I never expected to get changes everything. “Did you f**k her?” “Answer me”

“Yes.”

Welllll, what the f**k? We were seeing eye to eye as far as I was concerned but I guess he had some other plans. He wasn’t even going to ‘divulge’ the information but I had caught on as soon as he said he’d gotten home in the morning. I was livid. Seeing red, making my friend get his explanation because my mind was blank with rage, but it was like my heart was in his hands and he’d crushed it.

The worst part? I still love him. Every time I try to stop talking to him, I fail. I see his name come up on my phone and I immediately open his message. I miss him. I miss everything about him. I’m absolutely pissed at him for what he did. But I love him and miss him. I would do anything to go back into time to enjoy it all over again. The cuddles. The sex. The kisses. The connection. A connection so much stronger than any of my other relationships. So strong I had given my whole life story to him and my trust in him within a week of talking to him. He wasn’t like other guys I had talked to. He was genuine. He was sweet. 

He saw something in me that, to this day, I don’t see.

It hurts my heart knowing that he loves someone along with me. But what’s done is done. I can’t change it, nor can I ignore that it happened. I’m too far away to even possibly be able to do anything to keep him. And there’s nothing I can do to make him see that I’m the one for him. I have to sit here, five hours away, as he lives his life. I don’t know whether he’s with friends, if he’s with her again- or in her again. And it crushes my heart. I continue to hurt myself by talking to him. But my heart belongs to him. It always will. Every guy I ever meet will compare to him. He will always win. I can’t have him, so I must settle for someone that can treat me almost as good as he treated me before everything happened. As I was a consolation prize, I must look for my own.