Dear Dad,

I've had a lot of mental illness struggles and my dad never fully understood so I wrote this, I never plan on sharing it with him but here it is.

You will never understand what it is like to feel the way I do.

To have you say how beautiful and amazing I could be if I lost weight but my weight isn’t the only flaw I see in the mirror.

You tell me to get out of bed and do something with my life but my whole body feels numb and heavy.

You say that maybe if you “just lost some weight, you’d feel better”; Maybe if I didn’t have my thoughts weighing me down, I’d feel a whole lot better than losing my real weight.

You say, “Stop being so sensitive” when I disagree with your argument but I’m just trying to express myself and apparently, that’s not enough.

You get angry when I leave because I don’t want to discuss something but I leave so I won’t hurt you because I, of all people, know how much words can hurt.

You say, “Stop looking at it that way, just accept it.” when you give me an old picture of myself and all I can think of is how I’ve disappointed you by growing up to be a person you don’t like.

You watch me bring food to my room and judge but when I’m hurt; Eating is the safe option.

You wish I’d just be normal and not need medication to get by every day but I can’t control the way I feel nor control how I react in the moment.

You say “It’s because I love and care about you,” but if you really love and care about me, you’d look at me as your daughter to support and love unconditionally, not a project you need to rebuild to how you want me to be.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Unless you have experienced clinical depression you cannot understand how it is for someone who is dealing with it. This poem describes that situation very well.

[Walt]

:( this made me really sad