Keeping my dreams in line

A Poem by Jon Roggie

Sleep seems to make me tired,

and I think I know why.

Dreams are working against me.

They have grown lazy.

I don't think they can come up with any new characters.

Settings are a patchwork.

All a sad mix,

but I still have to keep them in line.

Wake for awhile,

and start something new.

At least a dream,

one where I can drift.

Still.

I seem to have to keep one eye open.

© 2017 Jon Roggie

My Review

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Reviews

Nakysha

Interesting. Spotted a smol grammar thing in the fifth line "I don't they can come up with any new characters." My best guess is that you missed adding the word "think" after "don't," but I feel like there's a word missing there anyhow.

Ummm and I guess on line nine where it says "Wake for awhile," I would have written it as "Awake for a while," but I think it could work either way for that.

I'm not sure if it's just me but the last line "At least something I can live while I sleep," seems a little odd. It might be the "something I can live" part but maybe consider rewording it just a little.

But I have to say I REALLY liked the opening lines - that's the reason I was interested in this poem in the first place! "Sleep seems to make me tired, / and I think I know why." That's just awesome. It makes the readers think 'Wha? Sleep makes you tired???? The f**k???' and I think it's a good draw to make people read all the poem.

I also really like the line "Settings are a patchwork," that's some really great imagery there.

All in all, even if it was short I enjoyed the little read I had with it. Keep up the good work! :D