What story can I get away with?

I have been doing a bit of remodeling.

Moving furniture,

 and other items,

  usually by myself.

Things like a piano,

 using my gut as support.

Needless to say,

 I have picked up a few bruises.

Stigmata might take attention away.

Now,

 with my sometimes off sense of humor,

   I wonder what I could convince people to think might have happened?

I can see the story of kidnapping,

  with a beating added,

   but do I go with an impossible escape,

   or the heroic intervention by a stranger.

I do like the thought of being discovered

  by the beautiful,

    but flawed heroine.

Leaving me alive,

  but healing .

Wondering what could have been.

The main thing I know,

 is I should get help moving large objects.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

I am laughing out loud! This is brilliant and funny and yes, do get help, those "gut" moves can quickly morph into hernias! Kudos for the "flawed heroine". Not all of us are beautiful startlets! *ahem*
Finally got some time to read and review this week hectic week, so glad you were already on the Feed.

[Jon Roggie]

Glad I gave you a laugh. I have no problem using my own discomfort for a punchline.

[Lorry]

I sympathise Jon. Sharp edges should be banned and their designers flogged in public, while being jabbed in the back by their pointy corners :)

[Jon Roggie]

Now, I think that might be a touch extreme. I prefer having to sand down the edges of their products. They would be required to use a fine grade sandpaper, and no power tools would be allowed.