My Fellow Americans

 

1

I would like to write you.

I can’t.

So I’m having someone else do it.

 

2

I’m the boss.

I can do that.

 

3

I want to talk to you about evil people.

Evil people who say mean things about me.

These evil people are people like Iraq, Iran, the United Nations and the news.

 

4

I don’t want you to listen to these people.

Remember I’m the boss.

I’m the head man and number one…with a missile.

 

5

Speaking of missiles, I want you all to know something.

I think I may have started a war.

A lot of people don’t like that.

I don’t like those people.

 

6

I had a dream the other night.

I was riding a patriot missile, buck naked.

I had my cowboy hat.

I was flying around the Middle East.

I kicked their a*s.

 

7

I had a similar dream last night.

I was naked on a missile.

I had my cowboy hat.

I was flying around one of those Koreas.

I kicked their a*s too.

 

8

When I took my third nap earlier today I had another dream.

I was naked on a missile again.

I had my hat.

I was cold this time.

I was flying around Alaska.

I kicked their a*s.

 

9

I don’t trust Alaska.

Alaska is so damn cold.

It’s also to far away.

I don’t really think Alaska is united with us here in the United States.

 

10

Some people say Alaska is bigger than Texas.

That’s just ridiculous.

Texas has to be bigger.

Just look how big it is.

It’s so big.

Nothing is bigger than Texas.

 

11

I think we should bomb Alaska.

Maybe we should bomb Hawaii too.

They’ll never see it coming.

 

12

I don’t trust Hawaii.

I don’t think they’re with us.

They’re not united.

 

13

I liked that movie “Old School.”

It made me laugh.

 

14

They told me I was going to be on TV today.

I like to hear myself talk.

 

15

What’s that?

What did you say to me?

We’re live?

 

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

I read this with some trepidation, as I figured it would be run-of-the-mill Bush-bashing rant. Needless to say, I was (happily) wrong. This comes at the subject obliquely, but very cleverly, and, as such, makes its point more effectively than straight-forward, in-your-face anger. The tip of the stetson to "Dr. Strangelove" is a very nice touch. This is deftly-handled satire; it has just the right lightness of touch to make it truly effective.

[Lorraine]

I would love to hear this on an open mic.

[Melissa Ann]

haha... i love this poem it always makes me laugh... but seriously, im a Texan... and believe you me... Nothing is bigger than The Lone Star State... :D lol

[Amanda Crandall]

Maybe we should bomb Hawaii too.

They'll never see it coming.

That made me giggle too. The image of him naked on a missile wearing a cowboy hat is frighteningly easy to summon to mind. Everything written befits our beloved president. I think the poem could almost do without stanza 15. I like the idea of ending it with him saying "I like to hear myself talk" particularly after the rant.

[J. Travis Grundon]

Wow, thanks for that review! I have read this at so many open mic nights. I think I even got my Bush impression pretty down, but that was a couple years ago now. This piece makes me laugh. If we can't laugh at things, they will only drive us insane. If someone like this poem, it makes me feel like Bukowski for a day, but if they hate it...I guess it works that way too.