Going Down

This just a funny little story I wrote a while back.

 

My tale begins on the eve of Halloween 2006. I had agreed to trade shifts with a co-worker so that I could be off for a party the next night. I was sure I would make enough tips from a Monday to buy a great costume and a bottle of rum. That never happened. Instead I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation. I was trapped in an elevator with a person that I would never have spoken to under ordinary circumstances. What came from this event can only be described as life changing. Would I do it again, you bet your a*s I would.

 

I was busy slapping out dough and restocking the pepperoni when I got a call for two deep-dish Supremes to be delivered to the Vincennes University Humanities building. I quickly helped Melvin create the pies and clocked the run out. Once they emerged from the oven I would be out the door and have the pizza in the right hands in less than twenty minutes. I was that good.

 

Just like clockwork the pizzas revealed themselves while I prepped the boxes and set up my hot-bag. After several passes with the pizza cutter they were boxed, bagged and out the door. I had seven minutes if I was going to be there in fewer than twenty.

 

My Geo hummed like a song as I darted through the early evening traffic. The only thing that slowed my travel was the occasional redneck in his giant Hotwheels pick up, complete with KC lights and roll bar. I hated rednecks and I didn’t know why. Maybe it was just a stereotype or maybe it was just because they were different than me. Either way it was a long brewed hatred that the local yokels shared for me as well.

 

After I made my way to the VU campus and the right building I pulled my car onto the curb in a no parking zone. I then sprang from my vehicle and grabbed the odoriferous bundle from the back seat. I left my car running as I walked briskly into the building. Being a delivery driver gave me certain privileges and one of those was the ability to park where ever the hell I wanted to without fear of repercussion. I knew I was going to be in and out and I didn’t care if anyone liked it or not.

 

Most of the halls were dark in the school building and I wasn’t sure where I was going and I was down to two minutes. I knew that since the room number was 213 that it was obviously on the second floor. That led me to the choice of stairs or elevator. I chose the stairs. Being out of breath when I got to my customer would prove how I hustled and it usually played to their sympathetic side. Hell, I would crawl covered in blood to a door for an extra dollar or two.

 

I reached the door labeled 213 without a fuss and knocked like a Los Angeles cop on steroids. I could see through the little window on the door that I startled the woman who was teaching the class. I laughed in my head causing a goofy smile to spread across my face. Something about this situation took me back to Ridgemont High. I even had to double check the name on the boxes to see if they were for a Spicoli. Much to my disappointment they were for a Mullen.

 

The woman walked over to the door and handed me a check for $15.64 as she took the boxes from me. I barely got the words “Thank you” out of my mouth before the door was closed again. $15.64 was exactly the price of the two pizzas, without a tip and since the school was tax exempt there wasn’t even a delivery charge included in that price. Thanks for nothing Mrs. Mullen; I hope you choke on your damn pizza.

 

It is a general rule that if someone delivers something to you for a living and they don’t get paid FedEx wages, they deserve a tip. Gas Prices are a b***h and that was usually the reason people had food delivered or they were just lazy b******s. Tip your delivery drivers, after all they’ll remember you the next time and they usually make a lot of the food that leaves their store.

 

As I walked to the stairs I stared a hole in the check. It mocked me with its stupid little numbers and illegible signature. I wanted to change the five into an eight but the written part made that incredibly too tricky to pull off so I thrust it into my front pocket and stopped at the top of the stairs. I didn’t really feel like walking down so I thought I would just take the elevator. I would have hurried back to the store for my next run but most pizza guys will tell you that you first tip sets the standard for the whole night.

 

I walked around the corner where I saw a woman and what appeared to be a janitor waiting on the elevator. The chick looked hot from behind in her short black mini skirt and pink sweater. I was only going down one floor but she might just make it easier on the eyes. I then took my place with them and waited for what seemed like a solid three or four minutes. I could have already been to my car and on my way back by now, but where was the fun in that.

 

“Wow this b*****d must be coming from China, huh?” I said in an attempt to dazzle the well developed young lady with my sarcastic humor. She merely smiled and turned slightly on her pointed red heels. The janitor chuckled a bit and pushed the button again.

 

Finally after another minute or so a satisfying ding announced the arrival of the mechanical lift. The busty blonde and the janitor walked in first and pushed a button on the panel.

 

“Going up?” asked the janitor.

 

“Nope, I’m going down.” I knew it sounded perverted to me so I smiled at the girl hoping she would roll with it and smile back.

 

She didn’t smile. Instead she reached over the guy and pushed the 1. I tried to act like I wasn’t a big dork as I read the janitors uniform. It had a patch on each side of the chest. One said Vincennes University maintenance staff and the other said Oscar.

 

“So, Oscar, is this a pretty good job?”

 

The two of them looked at each other and smiled as if they were trying to hold in an all out laugh and the door to the elevator began to close. He began to say something as the doors dinged again and a western style boot forced its way between the doors. This caused the man to stop his sentence and press the door open button for good measure.

 

Once the doors were open another girl entered the elevator. At least I was pretty sure it was a girl. She was decked out in a pair of tight jeans, cowboy boots, and a t-shirt the read “Cowgirl up.” I didn’t know what in the hell her shirt meant but she was obviously a redneck. All we needed now was a cop and we would have a new version of the Village People.

 

The cowgirl smiled politely as she pressed the already luminescent number 1. She then stood back against the wall and watched the doors close. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail and I wasn’t sure but it didn’t look like she had much makeup on at all. There was no contest as to who the queen of the elevator was. The blonde was a knock out.

 

There was little talk on the short trip to the third floor. The cowgirl smiled at me as the others talked amongst themselves at a barely auditable level. All I over heard was something about a party, but nothing that made sense. Then as the elevator dinged once more the two of them stepped toward the door.

 

The blonde looked back at me with a toothy grin and said “Later dude” in the most masculine voice I have ever heard. Then the two of them laughed and jogged away from the doors. As the doors closed I heard one of them call me a dumb a*s and the other said something about how great their costumes were. Ms. Hillbilly seemed to find it all hilarious but I couldn’t even fathom forming a sentence.

 

Now I was stuck in an elevator with the cowgirl who had been crowned the new queen of the elevator by default. The only thing that gave me more of a sickening feeling was that I knew that I had been checking out a guy this whole time. On second thought maybe he was a queen. At that particular moment I didn’t really care. I hated Halloween and I hated this elevator.

 

As I settled into my feeling of disgust I watched as the 2 lit up on the panel signaling we were going down. Then as if God had just decided he hated me, the entire elevator went dark accompanied by the sound of power winding down.

 

“Fanfuckingtastic!”

 

I quickly shot into the dark confines and fumbled my way over to the control panel. From there I began mashing buttons like a madman. I could feel the presence of the country bumpkin over my shoulder. If anything she was just as pissed about being trapped in here as I was. She reached over me and tried a couple more buttons. It was official it had only been maybe two minutes but that was long enough and who knew how long we were going to be trapped in this box. All I knew was that I would sure as hell never take an elevator on a whim again.

 

I didn’t allow myself to say it aloud but I had to snicker as I thought; of all the times to leave my phone in my still running car. At the rate tonight was going someone had already stolen my car and drove out of town to call everyone they knew, so I would have unholy roaming charges. It shouldn’t be long now before the elevator caught on fire. It would only be a fitting end to the day.

 

Surprisingly, it seemed like it had been an hour before one of us finally spoke. I didn’t have anything to say aside from the bitching and swearing under my breath. None of it seemed to bother the hick chick. She just sat quietly on the floor holding her knees until boredom overtook her and she began to speak.

 

“It caint be too much longer now.” She said with an awkward southern drawl.

 

I cringed as she chewed up the English language and spat it at me. I assumed she was trying to say “can’t” but the inbred word she produced sounded more like “taint.” Oh well who the hell was I to judge the way she talked. I was getting bored myself and if talking to this Miss Piggy-farmer helped pass the time it would have to do.

 

“Thank God.”

 

I could see by the glow of the small orange emergency light that she smiled the littlest bit. It looked like she had all of her teeth and as long as I didn’t hear dueling banjos I might even come out of this alive. At least the drag queen was gone. Despite the cowgirls attire I was pretty sure she was a she. At least she sounded female even if she sounded uneducated. The funny thing would be if she was just wearing a costume too. Unfortunately the only way to find out would be to ask.

 

“So…are you really an uh…um…country western person or is this just a costume for you?”

 

 

She smiled again before she looked my direction causing the light to leave her face. “Yep, country girl, born and raised” she said with a child’s enthusiasm.

 

Damn.

 

“Huh, well at least you’re really a girl, which is more than we can say for some people who were lucky enough to get out of here be fore the power went out, right?”

 

“I guess.” She mumbled as she pulled her knees in closer and lay her head down on them.

 

I looked up at the ceiling. I could remember several action movies where the star climbed out of an access panel on the top of an elevator. All I saw was darkness and light fixtures. Maybe it was just hidden but then again it would be my luck for the power to come back as soon as I was on top and I would be smashed. Maybe I watch too much TV.

 

“So are you really a pizza boy?” The redneck girl asked as she shifted her weight uncomfortably.

 

“Pizza guy, Yeah I’m a really a pizza guy.”

 

“Wow that must really suck.” She spouted unafraid to offend.

 

“No not so much. I mean it’s not as glamorous as flinging pig s**t, but it pays the bills.”

 

“You mean cows? Me and pappy raise cattle.”

 

“Well, excuse the hell out of me for confusing my filthy animals.” I shot back sarcastically.

 

After the juvenile arguing was done there was another long silence. I looked at my watch and noticed we had already been in here for two hours. It seemed more like five or six to me but you know what they say ‘time flies when you having fun’, thus far time was just crawling along. At this rate I had plenty of time to feel bad for being a jerk. It wasn’t this girl’s fault that the elevator stopped. Chances were she wanted out of here as badly as I did.

 

“So what’s your name?” I asked in an attempt to speed up our incarceration time.

 

She just sat there and didn’t look toward me as she said “Why? You’ll just make fun of it?”

 

“No, really I won’t. I promise. Scouts honor”

 

“Jolene”

 

“Jolene, huh, why would I make fun of that?” I asked feeling like I was on the outside of an inside joke.

 

“Everyone else does.”

 

I moved from the sitting position I had been in for awhile and laid on my side looking at her for a minute. She was actually not that bad looking. Maybe a little makeup and some better clothes would help but she had a natural beauty that you just don’t see anymore.

 

“So aren’t you going to ask my name?” I asked slightly insulted.

 

“Nope” was all she said.

 

“Well fine, be that way. A guy tries to make conversation and he gets the cold shoulder. I see how it is.”

 

I could see by the orange light that she was smiling again. It was a little hard to see with so little light but it looked like when she really let herself smile she wrinkled up her nose in the cutest little way. While, if I had a type this chick would not fit the profile, there was something interesting about her.

 

“So do you think anyone is wondering where we are yet?” I said in an attempt to keep the conversation alive.

 

“Well, I reckon somebody’s got to be wondering by now.”

 

“Yeah I’m probably fired but that’s cool. I was going to quit soon anyway.”

 

She didn’t respond again. She just looked at the floor. I on the other hand looked at my watch. It had been five hours and still not even a flicker of electricity. Since conversation was pointless maybe it was time to scream and get someone’s attention. The only problem was that this was a small enclosed area and yelling was probably going to give me a headache before anyone heard me so I paced around the elevator like a caged puma looking for a way out.

 

“Are you going to try to get out of here like they do in the movies?” Jolene asked.

 

“I didn’t think cowboy movies had elevators in them?”

 

She gave me a fake cold stare that gave way to her cute wrinkled-nose smile as I gave her a cocky smirk, to let her know I was only joking. I then told her my plan about yelling to get help. We agreed it wouldn’t work but both began to yell at the same time and as predicted after several minutes I was done. I could feel the headache echoing through my head in the form of our combined voices.

 

“I don’t suppose you have any ibuprofen do you?” I said as I sat back into a corner.

 

“No but I know this great trick that cures headaches.”

 

“Please, feel free to share because I have headaches all the time.”

 

She then sat down on the floor next to me and took my right hand into hers. After pressing her thumb into the muscle between my thumb and index finger she began to massage my hand. My first instinct was to make a comment about it not being my hand that hurt, but it felt good anyway and it took my mind off of my headache and being trapped in an elevator.

 

Jolene’s hands were hard from working but soft enough to do the trick. As she moved to my left hand her touch became more tender and she scooted slightly closer to me. Much to my surprise she didn’t smell like cow s**t. Instead she had a subtle scent of jasmine and vanilla. The soft smell and hand massage had relaxed me to the point of closing my eyes without even noticing it. When I opened them I noticed Jolene looking at me through the dark with friendly eyes and a warm smile.

 

“You know, I watch more than cowboy movies.” She said as she released my hand and folded hers in her lap.

 

“Oh yeah what’s you favorite movie?”

 

“I really like Boondock Saints and Pulp Fiction, but I don’t really watch a lot of television.”

 

“Well I’ll be damned. I would have never taken you for a Tarantino fan. So maybe you’re not like most rednecks after all, huh?”

 

“And just what the hell does that mean?”

 

“Nothing really actually it’s suppose to be a compliment.”

 

“Well it fell real short of one.” she huffed “It sounded more like a smart-a*s comment.”

 

“I guess maybe it could be taken that way too but look let’s just drop it. If we’re stuck in here we might as well try to get along, right?”

 

“I guess so…I just hope they hurry up.”

 

Nothing more was said for about twenty minutes. She sat in one corner and I sat in another. We were like two boxers waiting for the next round. We had taken a few swings at one another. Now we sat waiting for the bell to ring on round two of our verbal brawl.

 

Honestly I wasn’t looking forward to it. Jolene seemed like a pretty nice girl and she wasn’t too hard on the eyes to boot. I was sure she didn’t share my thoughts but I was thinking maybe I could spark a friendly conversation and turn this night around for both of us, at least a little.

 

 

“So do you come here often?”

 

“What?”

 

“I said, do you come here often?”

 

“What do you mean this elevator or to the school?”

 

“I don’t know. I was tryin’ to make conversation.”

 

“Oh. I figured. “

 

“Do you think the power’s going to come back on?” I asked.

 

“I guess it has to at some point.”

 

“True. You know I left my car running outside. I bet somebody’s stole it by now or it’s run out of gas.”

 

“Wow that sucks!”

 

“You’re telling me. But, hey I got out of working tonight.”

 

“Yeah but you ended up stuck in an elevator with some stupid, ugly redneck girl all night.” She said with a smile I could see from across the dark between us.

 

I gave her a smile back “At least you’re really a girl”

 

The two of us ended up talking for the next hour or more. It turned out that we had more than just our taste in movies in common. We were both only children from divorced parents and we both loved Johnny Cash, before they made a movie about him. The real clincher was that both of our respective last significant others had cheated on us.

 

It was nice to talk to someone who understood how I felt. This marked the best time I ever had just talking to a girl. At some point we even lost track of time and forgotten we were trapped in an elevator.

 

“This is some first date, huh?” I said as I noticed we were now only about an inch or two apart now.

 

“You call this a date?”

 

“Well I’m having a good time.”

 

“Me too. I’m really glad we met”

 

“I agree. Hell, maybe we can do this again someday without being trapped against our will.”

 

“Are you asking me out?”

 

“Ya know…nothing fancy. I just thought it would be cool if we could get together and have a drink or something.”

 

“That sounds great, if we ever get out of here.”

 

I leaned forward and gave her a friendly one-armed hug. She was warm and her scent was comforting. She threw her arms around me and pulled me in close. I wrapped my other arm around her and laid my head on hers. What an interesting night.

 

We sat together for some time and talked about what we were going to do when we finally got out of this damn elevator. Our tones had softened to a romantic whisper and we were nearly face to face when I noticed a look in her eyes that made me smile. She looked happy and I did too. I fought the urge to just kiss her. I was afraid she would find me too forward or not find me as charming as I thought she did but I finally worked up the nerve and leaned in just close enough. Our noses touched and she tilted her head slightly to the left as the lights of the elevator came on.

 

Great timing.

 

We were free. But as we pulled ourselves apart I saw disappointment decorate her face. We were free indeed but what were we suppose to do now.

 

We both stood looking at each other on the way down with doubt hanging heavy in the air. The elevator lowered itself to the first floor and the large metal door parted to reveal the hallway. As the doors opened I motioned for her to exit first. Neither of us said a word.

 

I could see through the front doors of the building that it was nearly dawn. My car was still there but it was not still running. Upon closer investigation I noticed that it had been turned off and I had a parking ticket on the wind shield, courtesy of the campus swine.

 

“Well, I better get going. I still have a hour drive home and I’m pretty tired.” She said as we stood by my car.

 

“Yeah I need to get some sleep too. I’ll have to explain to my boss where I was all night. Then I have a party to go tonight.”

 

“Then I’ll see you later?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

I never saw Jolene after that day and nobody else ever mentioned anything about a power failure. Some people say everything happens for a reason. Other folks say I made it all up to get out of work.

Reviews

[Lorraine]

This is very well written and flows well.
I wanted to read more. I really liked this story.