Want Me Too

An experiment with the way someone may feel after a relationship.

I’d love to tell you what I’m thinking, but I think it’s safe to say

that I’m thinking of you daily and you wouldn’t want to hear about that anyway.

I’d love to feel your whooshing pulse, and sense your fluttering heart,

but you haven’t touched me, or merely gotten near me, since shortly after our start.

I’d love to keep our slim memories on a loop, letting them seamlessly play,

but it only reminds me of you leaving, and makes me sob as I see them day after day.

I’d love to have you here before me, just so my eyes can rest upon you

and I won’t have to worry that you’ve moved on, even if I secretly know it’s true.

I’d love for you to have hot tears scald your frozen cheeks as you beg for a second chance.

I’d love for you to honestly say whether or not you planned for things to go this way.

I’d love for you to dream of me each night, and shake awake craving to hold me.

I’d love for you to feel my absence like I feel yours.

To long for days spent together.

To obsess over the many puzzling things I’ve said.

To speak only with your body as if we’re young lovers, beginning again.

I’d love for you to want me too.

Author's Note

Rhythm and flow weren't too much of a concern with this poem, though I think it still has some. Instead, I was trying to give it emotion and have it be relatable. Please, tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice flow of thoughts leading to the very good ending.
"To speak only with your body as if we’re young lovers, beginning again.
I’d love for you to want me too."
Love is solid when we act like new lovers learning to love. I liked the need and the want of your words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[78Jon]

Decent poem. It had a good rhyme scheme. It had a little message in it.

[MD Sayed]

Very nice! your Rhythm is full of love & happiness that indicates your elevation to mankind & nature.

[Gene]

If that is not poetry I don't know what is.
Beautiful mindset. Enjoyed

[Bear]

It reads with a nice even meter most of the way so the flow is not that bad, you rhyme scheme is fell apart at the end but did you mean for the poem to rhyme from the start or did it just work out that way, what with the way you started the sentences in the I'd pattern? Emotional and warm, uplifting and spirited all in all a good poem, I like it.

[J.S. Kloss]

Thank you for reviewing! I did mean for it to rhyme from the start. I see that my idea for this was hard to understand, but my intention was for it to start out rhyming like a collected poem and then to fall apart as the emotions swelled. The narrator begins to lose focus on the wording and phrasing, and the poem becomes more rushed as she gets more desperate for the person she's talking about to understand her. It does look like bad from on my part, and I totally get that, but I was trying to make it interesting haha

[Bear]

Not at all, I get what you were trying to do now. It is a great idea, not sure how you will accomplish it but I am sure you will need to add a line explaining you changing emotional state. I wish you luck and hope you find a solution.

[Chase]

I think you managed to get the emotion across and that you could easily work on the piece more as well! Have you read it aloud to yourself? Some of the breaks work perfectly and some of them could use a little love and care. I think that the repetition of "I'd" could also be broken up a bit. It seems to detract from the poem rather than adding to it. This is a very powerful piece and I do hope you mull over some changes to make it even more refined :)

[J.S. Kloss]

I'll try reading it aloud! Thank you for commenting!!

[Chase]

No problem :)