Finding Beauty inside, is an Art and Missing it, a Near Intolerable Pain

Before I read one of my most favorite qoutes for the first time. I had no idea exactly what it meant or how it would change my world. Oh, and being the smartest person I knew, I was quite impressed when I got it.

I so often took first glance as understanding what a situation or a person was like. I see a person at first impression - perhaps seconds or minutes - and think I know what this person is like. How silly can that be. Well, i thought I had an insight about people; I knew them and how they ticked ad tocked. Boy, was I smart...boy was I ignorant. Not only did I miss any chance of seeing past superficial qualities that I didn't find that interesting or just didn't like - make up, perfume. looks, whatever that any inner beauty in the person I so quickly studied, was missed along with simple truth. Too often I could n't see past my own shortcomings, that I couldn't see the beauty looking back at me.

I read in the Big Book My favorite quote: Sometimes we miss the beauty of the forest, because were diverted by the ugliness of some of it's tree.

So often, I miss judge and lose opportunities of meeting beautiful people. God help me to slow down enough to give everyone and everything the time for me to find it's beauty. Thank you. Thruth! Now that's a tricky and touchy subject. We all profess it and most of us say we are truthful, but, the truth be told, we, including me, missed the simple truth , which is what we need. The innermost truth. We should always be truthfull to our inner most self. Unless, we are intentionally ignoring that truth in order to protect a lie or are incapable of being honest with themselves.

Well, that wasn'nt me. I know about that innermost self and the importance it carries. The differrence between saving or destoying life.

I made some judgements quickly and learned I was wrong. When your trying to be that honest to the core type, truth is the only salvation we have.

I want to share a true story. I was an ER nurse. A woman brought her mother in for chest pain. She was worked up and ECG was normal- no indication of AMI (Acute Myocardial infarction). I told her she could go home. I would take care of her mother. And she left, knowing her mother was in good hands. The elder mother spoke no English, only Spanish. The amount of morhine I had given her and with the tracinngs on the monitor, she she hav no pain, the was no apparent cardiac problem. I was considering lunchook at last slow round with her. I checked her and the last stop was my meyes to hers and I smiled, assuringly that she was ok. I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine. I could feel her stare see and touch my inner most self. And I thought I understood her.

Without out a word spoken, I smiled and thought I understood her. She spoke to me in Spanish again and said she was ok. The ECG showed Sinus bradycardia (slow) but not indication of acute MI. I gave report to the harge nurse and asked her to watch the woman closely. I ate lunch 20-3- mins maybe. I had an odd feeling. I walked back onto the floor and walked past her room. Her eyes were closed and what I saw on the monitor was not what i ever dreamed I would see. A monitor with a pulse in the 20s, 10s and down. We got Doc, grabbed the cart and called code. We compressed 20 mins straight. If you can get enough epi in a rock you could get a pulse. We got enough we finally got a pulse, but made it a day on the ventilator in ICU, ut never regaining consciousness. I took this one very personal and hard. I felt responsible. Doc set me straight. We had no ECG showing cardiac issues, she was stable and she just, in one of thos moment I was eating, she left. I was not God. I was not responsible. The daughter entrusted her mother;s care to me. I never did see the daughter again.