Party Favor

       After helping her get her arm bandaged I walked with Alana to her room, to help her into bed.  She was still upset and crying and refused to say anything to me.  Each time I reached out to help she jerked her body away from me.  I didn't waste much time with this, because I was thoroughly confused about the events of my evening so far.  

       I went to my room and sat at my desk, just trying to figure out what was going on inside my head.  I had not one, but two odd dreams, one of which almost turned out to be a reality.  My thoughts were running wild, I was so frustrated, with Alana, with Elisa, and with whomever had "decorated" my car.  There was even a part of me that was afraid that I had killed the people at the night club downtown, but after everything else that had happened I was convinced that I couldn't have been responsible.  

       I got up from my desk chair and got dressed to go out, the only way I was going to figure out who was responsible for the unexplained deaths was to put myself in their same position.  I grabbed my car keys, and quickly walked out to my car.  Downtown wasn't far from where I lived, and there was still enough time to grab a couple drinks.  There was one thing I couldn't argue with myself about, and that was that I needed a few drinks.  

        I parked my car in my usual parking garage, which was close to my destination, Club One, the gay club in downtown Savannah.  Quickly I walked up the street three blocks to where the club was, and tonight looked like a good night to party, the line to get in was still running outside.  

        "Hey handsome!  You look like you could use a party favor or two."  Said a gorgeous young girl in line ahead of me.  She was stunning, caramel complected skin, practically flawless, and beautiful brown hair, streaked with blonde.  

        "Sounds good to me, whatcha got?"  I asked quickly, trying not to attract too much attention to the potential "drug-deal".

       "These are fifteen milligram pain pills, and I'll sell them to you at ten dollars a piece."  She said holding out a small blue pill with the number fifteen engraved on one side and a letter on the other.  

       "Do you just eat them?"  I asked utterly confused, I had never used pain pills for recreational purposes before.  

       "Well sure, personally I prefer to crush them up and snort them!"  She replied with an arrogant giggle.  

"How many did you want?"  She asked as the line started to move more quickly.  

       "I'll take four!"  I said thrusting forty dollars out of my wallet and in her direction.  She handed me a small Ziploc bag with the four pills inside and said "You've pretty much cleaned me out, enjoy!" and then proceeded through the line giggling and whispering something to her friend.  The line started moving more quickly, and in just a few moments I was inside.  The "Pill Girl" was on her way downstairs and I followed quickly behind.  She was still muttering on with her friend who seemed more interested in what she could provide her rather than her conversation.  Just off the stairs I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder. 

"Hey wait!"  I called after her.  She turned around looking utterly frustrated and surprised at the interruption.

"Dude, what the hell do you want?  I'm pretty sure you don't need anything else."  She spat at me trying still to keep up with her "friend".  

"Can I just talk to you for a minute?  You just look really familiar, not to mention, I am probably going to need a walk-through with this the first time around."  I said gesturing at my closed hand with the pills still enclosed.  The girl leaned in more convenient to a whisper, "Follow me into the bathroom, let me ditch this chick, we work together."  I felt her warm breath on my ear and the sensation pulsed across my face like pins and needles.  She walked over to her friend and handed her what was probably another "party favor" then gestured for me to follow her.  

We walked into the one person unisex restroom and quickly shut and locked the door.  

"So what's your name?"  I asked her while she shuffled to empty a pill from the small container she had stored in her right breast cup of her bra; which was black and silky.  I considered all of the things that I could do with this familiar looking face in the tiny bathroom.  

"Sofie, we went to school together, not surprising that you wouldn't remember after your accident last year."  Quickly she placed the pill she had on the counter and started to crush it with what looked like a gift card of some sort.  Then she took a twenty dollar bill and rolled it up into what looked like a money-straw and "snorted" the entire crushed pill.  Sofie looked up quickly from the counter, her eyes were glazed with moisture.  

"Alright, put a piece of one on the counter and I'll crush it for you."  She shoved the money-straw in my direction hastily, and I took it.  I opened the small baggy and dumped three onto the counter.  

"Are you crazy dude?  Two of yours are equal to one of mine?  Have you done this before?"  Sofie looked at me with her mouth twisted sideways and slightly agape.  

"Nope, but what the hell, right?"  I said smiling back at her.  The twisted look on her face quickly turned to a grin, and she proceeded to crush them up.

"Okay, but when you throw up, don't say I didn't warn your a*s."  Her tone was snarky, and I started to wonder why we hadn't been friends before this moment.  I inserted the small money-straw into one of my nostrils and placed it against the dust of the three tiny pills, which now looked like a whole lot more, and began to inhale.  I stopped halfway, I could feel every tiny particle as it entered my nasal cavity.  This was by far the most intense feeling I had encountered aside from my intense new abilities.  

"Keep going, you're not done.  Unless, of course, you want me to finish it for you."  Sofie said, and I could see an all-too-thrilled look on her face through her reflection in the mirror behind the sink.  As I finished the line of dust on the counter, there was a knock at the door. 

 "Hold your horses!"  Sofie yelled at the door, while running her now saliva moistened finger across the counter to collect the remainder of the dust and then inserted it into her mouth.  Disgust crossed my mind, but only for a moment, clearly she was no stranger to this kind of thing.  We opened the door and two angry looking lesbians greeted us on the other side, rolling their eyes at us. 

"I think you two are in the wrong club."  One of them said in a snide manner.  

"How about you mind your own f****n' business!"  Sofie snapped.  

"Hey Sof, how about I buy us a round and we hit the dance floor?"  I said, as I placed my hand on her shoulder trying to calm her down.  Sofie brushed my hand off her shoulder and looked at me with a glare in her eyes.  

"I suppose that's not a bad idea."  Her glare quickly morphed into a grin and we proceeded up the stairs from the bar to the dance bar section.  

We both downed two shots of Grey Goose and a round of mixed drinks.  The club was unusually packed this evening, perhaps there was an event taking place.  The dance floor was filled with people, easily a hundred good looking men and women.  I tugged at Sofie's shoulder, and she followed me to the dance floor.  One of my favorite songs had started playing, and ironically the dance floor grew more packed when it started.  

My pulse had quickened, and sweat was pouring off of me, clearly the pills were starting to effect me.  People were dancing, lights flickered different colors, faces on the dance floor flashed with the light.  Time felt like it was dragging by, and there was a warmth crossing my body that was vividly familiar, I felt happiness, love, power, a hundred different feelings coursed through me.  The song lyrics were a distant buzz, but the bass in the music pounded in my body as I danced with Sofie.  

I watched as she wiped sweat from her brow, her hair bouncing with every beat of the song.  My body was numb, all I could feel were the vibrations from the music.  A smile slid across her face as she watched me dance, moving in closer to her.  Her lips seemed to glisten each time the light caught her face.  Thoughts of Riley crossed my mind, and told me not to move in on Sofie.  I looked quickly at the wall of mirrors behind the dance floor, and studied the faces in the crowd, two guys pressed hard against one another kissing passionately in the corner.  

Respectfully I redirected my attention, there on the small stage in the center of the room, against the wall, was a familiar face.  I squinted my eyes to take a closer look.   Anthony.  I thought to myself, with anger now pulsing through me.  Pressed against the wall by another man, the man kissing passionately across his neck.  His eyes opened, and before he could take notice to me I quickly looked back at Sofie who had moved in closer to me.  Sofie wrapped her arms around my neck, and leaned in to say something.

"Are you okay?"  She asked me, yelling over the music into my ear.  I fixed a phony grin for her and nodded.  I could feel my false sense of happiness returning, but only for a moment.  

Suddenly I felt like I was being driven by something else, and my mind started to space out.  I looked deeply into Sofie's eyes, but couldn't speak nor could I stop moving to the beat of the music.  Sofie's mouth moved, but I heard no words, just a loud silence screeching in my ears.  I didn't want this, to harm her, but slowly I could feel myself starting to pry into her mind, and I couldn't stop it.  My brain was on auto-pilot.  A hand on my shoulder, turned me quickly, breaking Sofie's grip on me.  

"Ryan?"  It was Anthony.  He looked at me with strangers' eyes.  I could tell he was surprised to see me.  In that moment, I was angry and thankful but, no words came to mind.  I didn't want to hurt Sofie, she seemed like the fragile on the inside but tough on the outside type, and thankfully Anthony had stopped me.

"What are you doing here?  Didn't think this was your scene."  He said all to certainly.  

"Don't pretend to know me."   I snapped, turning quickly to reface Sofie who looked utterly confused.  Anthony again placed his hand on my shoulder.  

"Listen, I --" I stopped him before he could finish.  

"Leave me alone!" I said.  I put my hand on his chest and thrust him away, knocking him off his feet and into another dancing couple.  

"Hey, let's get outta here."  I said to her, with a look that pleaded for her to come along.  Reluctantly she nodded and followed behind me.  I exited the club as quickly as I could, and Sofie struggled to keep up.  

"Where are we going?"  She asked me, and I stopped to face her, it was then I realized that I hardly knew this girl.  

"Listen I know we just met, but would you mind crashing with me for the night?"  I looked deeply into her eyes, and she reached out to reassure me, but I snatched my arm away before she could.  Grogginess swept over me, and I started to feel overwhelmingly dizzy.  

"Yeah, that's fine.  Want me to drive?"  She asked me, clearly seeing I was in no state to do so myself.  Anthony exited the club, which was now about a hundred feet away from us.  

"Ryan, wait!"  He called after me.  I wasted no time, instead I turned in the direction of the parking garage down the street. 

"You know how to drive a stick?"  I asked her.  She chuckled.

"Of course!"  She said sounding slightly excited.  

"Ryan, come on!"  Anthony's voice, was growing further away.  Everything inside of me yelled to go back.  I thought about turning around so many times and answering my body's desire.  He was so beautiful, how could I push him away in such a harsh manner?  I felt my cheeks warm, and my body tingled with excitement thinking about how absolutely astonishing he was.  Seeing him pressed up against another man had made me so upset, but I couldn't believe I had pushed him.  I just wanted to grab him, press his face to mine, and lose myself in a kiss.  Not even a kiss, I just wanted to lose myself in time with him, and forget about everything in life that was terrible.  Forget that I had become a terrible person.  

Sofie's voice called me back to reality, reminding me that the events in the club weren't just a part of my imagination.  

"Who is that guy, an ex?" she asked, curiously.  I had no words for her.  

"No, he's not an ex.  It's complicated, we can talk about it over breakfast in the morning."  I said, with nothing more to say.  

"JERK!"  Anthony was now yelling as we were about a block and a half away.  My mind replayed the image of him with the other guy on the stage and everything else started to fade away.  He was the jerk, he was the one dancing with some other guy.  A sense of entitlement came over me.  I wanted to have the right to feel these things about Anthony, but in reality I didn't.  

It bothered me seeing him with another man, because I wanted him to belong, only, to me.  I had no right to feel jealous, though, he was just having fun.  Why shouldn't he?  I was the one pushing him away, and sending him all the wrong signals.  I just didn't want him to fall victim to the monster that I had become.  I didn't want to hurt him as I had everyone else that I cared about.  Who was I to judge, there I was leaving with a strange girl, someone who had no idea of what I was capable.  Soon she would better understand me, though, if I didn't hurt her first.  Maybe I was the club killer after-all.  No matter how much I fought with myself, I truly had no control.