John

       My sleep was broken that night, filled with nightmares of Travis' memories.   I saw flashes of his wedding, first kisses, even the day we met, and it was haunting me.  My conscience was breaking through, and I was more myself now.  

I woke up, startled by the ringing of my phone.  Surprisingly I wasn't greeted with my morning discomforts, everything still felt normal.  I thought about ignoring the phone call, but I didn't.

"Hello?"  I answered.  It was Alana, she sniffled vigorously in my ear.  

"Ryan---its Travis."  She said barely forming the words.  

"He's dead!"  She told me.  Her crying was more hysterical now.  

"Oh my God!  Did you call the police?  Do they know what happened?"  I asked.  My words came out so naturally, they had actually convinced me. 

"Yeah, the ambulance came, and they told me it looked like a heart-attack.  They won't know for sure until the examiner looks at him.  I---I don't know what to do."  She said, sounding a little calmer.  

"Okay, I'll come right over."  

She cleared her throat.  

"No!"  She paused.  "I mean, no, I'll be okay.  I still have to call his parents."  She said quickly.

 

       The next couple of days passed slowly.  I locked myself in the house, haunted by my nightmares.  The flashes were so powerful they even came through during the day.  There were no classes for the weekend and I called out of work.  

I hate you, Ryan!  Thoughts came through that weren't mine.  I couldn't figure out what was going on with me.  I felt him, as if he was still there, standing right next to me.  I paced around the house trying to find something to do, something to keep me from focusing on any thoughts.  

I played the piano for a while and messed around on my computer a bit, but nothing seemed to help.  I felt like I had enough energy to stay awake for days, and I did, or at least for the weekend.  The nightmares were worse than the daytime flashes.  My phone rang and text messages came, but they received no response. 

Monday came, the day of the funeral, and I dressed for the occasion.  Alana called early that morning to see if she could come and stay with me for a while, and of course I obliged.  I could understand her not wanting to stay in the house she and her late husband shared, not to mention the one that he had died in.  Well died, got murdered, same difference, right? 

The ceremony was filled with about a dozen people I didn't recognize or hadn't ever met.  Before long though, we were on our way home.   I pointed down hall to where Alana would be staying.

"Your room is right there, make yourself at home."  She went straight there and I didn't see her for the rest of the evening.  I was almost surprised that she was so beat up about the situation.  Alana and Travis were so in love, once upon a time, but with his always being gone; she had grown distant.  

The next morning I found her at the dining room table eating breakfast and I had a seat next to her.  

"Morning."  I said trying not to sound overly cheerful. 

My mornings still felt normal, as they had for the previous two, and I was enjoying it.  I took longer showers, laid in bed longer, I even stopped to enjoy the silky feeling of my bed sheets.  All of the small things I usually tried to dodge, were so pleasant to me. 
"Ryan?"  I focused on her.  I was so deep in thought, I must have looked ridiculous.  

"Did you ---kill Travis?"  She asked me shakily. 
"Shh"  I said as I placed my hand over the one she wasn't using. 

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about Travis, anymore!"  She looked at me. 

"Why?" 

"Just relax, you'll feel better soon."  I told her.  I could feel resistance when I tried to look into her head---I had to push so hard.  It was like trying to force someone to eat when they just couldn't possibly take another bite.  

Travis who?  I pushed the thought forward and she mumbled it.  Every memory of him burst through and hit my like a moving train.  Everything.  The house, no more.  I thought.  Their wedding, their first time making love, their first kiss, even the day they met.  All gone, erased like chalk on a blackboard.  She shuddered, and tears rolled down her face.  I replaced her thoughts with blind dates and work.  If she was going to be lonely, it would be because she never found love, not because she lost it. 

        You're going to change your phone number and forget anyone linking you to your past with him.  You live here because you don't like to be alone, and you moved here after my accident.  Most of all you're going to forget the day I told you about my ability.  I pushed my thoughts into her head.  

"Now, what were you saying about work, Alana?"  I moved my hand from on top of hers.  

"Oh, umm--- I don't know?  I guess I miss it."  She said sounding a little confused.  

"Well of course you do, but you had to recover from your stroke."  I told her trying to be a little playful.  She picked up her phone and dialed a call.  I took her dish to the kitchen, and could hear her as she spoke.  

"Yes, I would like to change my phone number please."  She told her person on the other end.

Perfect.  I thought with a grin on my face. 

Class went well, the day flew right by, but with no sign of Anthony.  When I arrived to work everything seemed normal, but still no sign of Anthony.  

Where is he?  I tried to busy my mind with thoughts of him, to distract the visions of Travis and Alana.  

"Ryan,"  Felicia came from around the corner of the break-room.  

"Hey."  I responded, quickly focusing on her.  She was so beautiful; long slightly curled, dirty blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a perfect figure.  She looked spectacular for having four kids.  

"Anthony called out of work tonight, so you'll be working by yourself."  She walked right past me.  

"Okay, what about Matt?"  I asked.  

"Today's his day off, you'll be fine."  She called back to me, continuing back toward the front of the store.  

Great.  My day would probably drag.  I started right to work, if I was going to be working alone, I would need to stay on top of things. 

        "Hey Ryan!"  Leonna stood on the other side of the technician's desk.  

"Hey, nice to see you back at work."  I told her, halfway paying attention.  

"Look, I am having a few friends over tonight, and I wanted you to meet someone."  Her tone was unconvincingly happy.

"Okay, I guess that's better than sitting at home."  I answered her, paying more attention to the system clean-up I was doing on one of the computers.  

"Cool.  So tell me what's this new guy Anthony like?"  She asked. 

"Well, umm---he's new."

"I know that Ryan, come on talk to me.  Like you used to."

"Well, he's actually really nice.  He tried to make small talk the other night but I sorta blew him off." 

        "Well, is he cute?"

        "Haven't you seen him?

        "No, not really?

        "He's really cute."  I tried to keep from smiling.  She looked at me with big eyes. 
"That's good, considering you don't say that very often anymore."  I laughed a little.  

She was right, my last relationship was a little more than three years ago, and I hadn't really shown much interest in anyone male or female.  

"So do you think you have a chance?"  She asked me with the biggest smile.  

"I don't know Leonna, don't you have some work to do?"  She looked at me completely unimpressed. 

        "Oh, sensitive are we?  Are you on your man-period?" 

        "No, I just want to get my work done, I am the only one in my department tonight."  I complained.  Sighing, she turned and walked back to her section.  

Why does everyone think my love-life, or lack thereof, is their business?  

The night came to a very well-deserved close, and I was on my way to have some drinks.  I pulled up to Leonna's house where there were several cars parked in front, so instead I pulled up onto the grass.  Leonna answered the door.  The living-room was filled with quite a few people I didn't know, or didn't care to know. 

        "You remember Lisa and Christina?"  She said gesturing at two of the girls standing a few feet behind her.  

"Yeah."  I said.  Of course, I didn't have any idea who they were.  They must have been a few of the girls that worked at our job at some point or another.  

The house smelled strongly of marijuana, which made me sick.  I couldn't stand pot, but I certainly loved to enjoy a few delicious adult beverages from time to time.  I walked over to her fridge and helped myself to a beer. 

        "Hey, remember I told you there was someone I wanted you to meet?  Well this is him.  Ryan, this, is my boyfriend John."  There was a knock at the door and someone I didn't recognize had answered it.  It was Elisa.  I turned back towards the man Leonna was next to at this point.  He stood about five foot, six inches tall, with a buzz cut dark brown hair.  He spoke with a squeaky but deep voice.  

"Hi Ryan, nice to meet you."  He held his hand out for me to shake.  I took his hand and shook it, gripping, for just a moment.  I felt my body jolt, more images poured through.  As if I needed anymore of those right then:

        "How could you have lost our child?"

        "I---I don't know.  I didn't mean to."  Leonna said half sobbing.

        "You're such a piece of s**t!"  He said, and slapped her across the face. 

        "Please John, I'm so sorry!"  She tried to approach him, but he shoved her into the wall, knocking down a picture frame. 

 

           I released his hand.  I couldn't believe what I had just seen.  I was enraged, Leonna didn't deserve to be treated like that by him.  To me this guy looked worthless and unattractive.  I turned to see where Elisa was standing and looked dead at her.  She was looking right back at me shaking her head.  She must have known who he was, maybe even what he had done.  If she had, why wouldn't she have done something or said something to convince Leonna that she deserved better?  That was fine, I knew just what I had to do.  Leonna wasn't going to be treated like a piece of trash, not by this animal.  

"Hey John, do you smoke?"  I asked him.  

"Yeah, when I drink I smoke like a chimney."  He said laughing a little.  

"Why don't we step outside for a cigarette and get to know one another a little better." 

        We walked outside and he pulled the door shut behind himself. 

       "Which car is yours?"  I asked. 

       "The Jeep."  I walked over to the fairly new-looking, black jeep. 

        "Do you have the keys?  Mind if I look inside a bit?  I was thinking about getting one myself."  He looked at me in disbelief, and pulled the keys out of his pocket.  As he gave them to me I took his hand.  

"I don't appreciate you putting your hands on my friend!"  I said.  

"Wh--What are you talking about?"  He tried to put on a confused facade.  

You're going to get in your nice little jeep and take a ride.  You're going to go all the way to the biggest bridge in Savannah, and drive over the side.  As I thought the words I pushed them into him just as I had with Alana earlier that day, and then released his hand. 

       "Hey, I think I am going to go for a ride.  I need cigarettes."  He told me handing his pack to me.  

He got into his jeep and pulled out of the driveway as I walked back toward the house.  I opened the pack of cigarettes he had just handed me.  

Three missing.  I thought.  I laughed aloud to myself and tossed them into the trash dumpster on my way in the door.

"Where's John going?"  Leonna asked looking out the door behind me.  

"Oh, he said something about going to get more cigarettes."  I told her.  I caught Elisa's disapproving look out of the corner of my eye.  

"Don't worry about him though, enjoy your party."  I told her reassuringly.  

Problem solved.  I thought.  Maybe I was becoming a monster, feeding on my friends.  But I wasn't going to let anyone beat on Leonna, especially not John.

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

I like this character, Ryan. He is becoming a monster, for all the right reasons. As they say: The road to Hell is always paved with good intentions. In a strange way, this book reminds me of the Godfather. A man who sets out, in the beginning, to do the right thing, and slowly snuffs out his own soul in the darker being he becomes.