Discovery

       “Oh my god, Ryan!”  I heard Alana’s voice break through the blackness as she called to me.  Her footsteps against the ground were quick, she must have been running.  I heard her grab my keys before she got to me.  Everything was spinning.  I opened my eyes and propped myself up on my elbow. 

“Are you all right?” She asked me, her voice shook a little. She must have been frightened by the image of me on the ground, unconscious.  She sounded like she was about to cry.  I could feel the cold, frigid, air hitting my face, and it hurt, every feeling still stood out to me. The dizziness had not dissipated, it was still there, the ringing and all.  I couldn't even think straight, I could feel the cool pavement beneath me, and it sent a shutter through my body.

“I--I think something’s wrong.” I whispered to her. 

“What?” She asked me sounding more frightened.

“I don’t know something is wrong with my head, I can’t even see straight.” I couldn't even think straight apparently.  Here I was carrying on a conversation, completely against my conscious will, but I needed her help.  I felt nauseated by the whole situation, there were so many feelings running through my whole body, internal and external.  She stood up and opened the driver’s door to my car.

“Let me help you into the car.” She said nervously. “No!” I snapped at her. 

“Well can you at least tell me what’s wrong with you?” She demanded.

       “It’s my head, I think”

       “What do you mean?”

       “I can’t really explain,” I told her sounding confused about it myself.

       “Well, try!”

       I thought about everything for a moment. How could I explain the intensified feelings to her, without her labeling me as insane?

“It’s the accident, it messed up my head remember?” I asked her, trying to give the simplest explanation I could grasp.

“You mean, about what the doctors said?” She asked sounding confused.  I felt everything finally start to return to normal, or it seemed.  My vision returned at least. 

“Remember they said things would be different?” I asked her trying to see if she was following me. She nodded looking down at me with the most astonishing look on her face.

“It’s been a year, though.” She said.

“Things have always been different, since the day I woke up!” I told her, trying to make her understand.  I had no real idea about how to explain.  I hardly understood. 

“Please, Ryan, just let me help you into the car.”  She begged.  

What’s the worst that can happen, so I pass out again? I thought to myself.  I looked around the parking lot to see if we had an audience, but there was nothing.  Everyone had cleared out for the evening, and I was grateful for that.  I could only imagine what someone else would have done, had they seen me lying almost lifelessly on the ground.  I would have hated to wake up in an ambulance, confused and unaware.  In fact I was glad that it was Alana I had to explain myself to.  I would have hated for my first words to be between me and a complete stranger.

       “Please, Ryan!” She said now sounding hasty. I didn't realize that I had lost myself in such a deep thought for so long. She held her hand extended, waiting for me to return the gesture.  I knew it probably wasn't a good idea, if a simple touch from my keys would put me unconscious, what would her touch do to me?  Put me in a coma?  As much as I didn't want to take her hand for help, for some reason I felt drawn to it.  Almost like a craving---to have the touch of her soft skin against my hand.  Not, an intimate craving though, almost like a hunger.

       I reached up for her hand, pulling myself up. It was just as I imagined, her skin was perfect, and it felt more so that way with the intensified touch. When we touched, though, it was as if electricity ran from my hand into hers, she was convulsing.  At first my mind couldn't fathom the sight before my eyes, I was mortified.  I wanted to let go of her but my hand wouldn't budge.  My body seemed to be flooded by adrenaline. 

Suddenly a rush of something unfamiliar coursed through me.  I could feel more than just the intricate texture of her skin. No!  It was deeper than that. I could feel her lungs as she gasped for air, like they were my own. I could feel the pounding in my chest, not my heart though--no--it was hers!  I could see myself through her eyes.  It ached, more than anything I've ever felt before.  I tried to tell myself to release her hand again, but my thoughts were not my own.  The adrenaline rush was so powerful and intoxicating it made everything about this feel so right and yet…so wrong.  

I started to feel the dizziness---it was stronger now---I waited for my eyes to loose focus and to fall back into the blackness yet again, but it did not come. I started to feel her life, every bit of energy, a piece of her soul even, slipping out through her hands and into mine.  But I didn't feel it entering into me.  In fact, I was sure that I wasn't even a part of my own body in this moment. The feelings were so strong, every bit of my mind was completely enveloped in hers. I had no control, it felt like I had drank too much alcohol, and was beyond the point of sanity.

       More fell through, into my mind and out of hers, I was no longer looking through her eyes now.  Instead, I was seeing flashes of memories.  The feeling seemed so overwhelming, but I could tell it was only the events of the day.  It was so powerful I could hardly stand it.  Suddenly her thoughts and feelings about Anthony came through to me and they were hateful and unpleasant, seemingly because; she could tell that, in that moment, I wanted to speak to him more than I had wanted to speak to anyone.  Maybe it was the way I had looked at him, whatever it was, I felt the way she felt about him.

Naturally, in just the brief moment she spoke with him, her jealousy morphed into anger and her mind raced with fury at the memory.  I was so astonished at her reaction that I wanted her feelings towards him, the jealousy and anger all to just disappear.  I wanted the whole encounter to be forgotten and, strangely, it was. In fact I couldn't see her memories of work any longer, either. 

Had I really done what I thought I just had? Did I erase her memories? They were so clear before, like watching a movie, they just appeared before me as perfect images with sound and all. Now though, they were gone, and I could remember them being there but I couldn't see them as I had before. This had to stop, I was destroying her mind, and I could feel her yelling subconsciously to “GET OUT”!  She knew my mind was present, and suddenly a wave of guilt washed over the depths of my conscience.  I tried to push myself out and it took a minute but it seemed to work.

       I could see her face now through my own eyes again. I could feel that I was draining her, of what seemed like energy, and it felt amazing. This was wrong, I was killing my best friend, one of my only remaining friends. I told myself to drop her hand, and with it her whole body fell unconsciously to the ground.

What have I done?  I thought to myself.  I could still see tremors shaking through her body, and she was definitely out cold. Nothing made sense to me, all of her thoughts still running through me as though they were my own.  This had to be a bad dream.  Maybe I would wake up soon---Wake up!  I thought.  In that moment I had hoped I fell asleep in the desk at work.  I had to pinch myself to check, but it wasn't a dream, I was wide awake.  I still felt dizzy, but more of an intoxicating sense of dizziness this time. In fact---I felt completely re-energized!  I crouched down beside Alana to see if she was okay.  The tremors had stopped now, and her body laid still.

“Alana!” I said, trying to sound deep and serious.

I thought to myself for a moment.  Maybe I could shake her awake.  I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, though, only because I didn't know if the same effect would reoccur. Maybe, if I was careful not to touch her bare skin, she would be fine. I placed my hand on her shoulder, and shook her lightly while calling her name. 

She didn't respond the first time, but I decided to shake her once again---this time more vigorously.  Her eyelids fluttered a bit as her eyes opened and she looked up at me.  I tried to smile gently, but I was sure that she saw straight through the smile.

“Are you all right?” I asked her trying to sound genuinely concerned. It was difficult though. I felt amazing after touching her and the touch of her shoulder felt perfectly normal.  There were no intensified feelings of pain, it was just a soft touch, something completely average.  It seemed surreal, something that I thought I would never know again.  It took her a moment to answer my question, as though she had to rearrange her thoughts, and put them in the correct order.  If I had truly erased the memory of her feelings toward Anthony, surely other things could be out of order as well. 

“What the hell just happened, Ryan?” She demanded an answer.  I wasn't surprised by her response, this seemed very much like her.

“What do you mean?” I asked her trying to sound confused, and convincing as well. I wasn't sure what she would remember after the whole ordeal.

“When you touched me it felt like I was dying. I can’t even explain, I am not sure I even remember what was happening.” She told me sounding a bit upset, her eyes seemed a bit glassy.

       “What do you remember from the day exactly?”  I asked her, only because I was all-to-curious about if I had really erased something. 

“Well, I went to class and then went to lunch, alone, might I add.  I went home and changed for work, but when I got here, I don’t know---I guess I worked? I remember something about an application, but not much else.  Then there I was trying to help you up, and I end up on the ground myself. That’s about it I guess, why is that even important?”  She asked, sounding a bit dazed.  I wasn't sure if I should have just told her right then about what had happened, maybe she would think that I was crazy, maybe I was crazy. I didn't know if I could even believe what had just happened.

“What exactly do you remember about the application thing?” I had to know what she could remember, even if it was nothing at all.

“Why is that even important, Ryan?” She sounded a bit unsure of herself.

“Please, just try to remember.” She looked at me for a minute, maybe she did remember.  I could tell she was trying to recall the events, but her expression was blank.

       “Like I told you, I can’t really remember anything.  Honestly. I remember coming to work, and standing at my register. I remember going to the back, and talking to a guy about an application, but it’s all just blurry. I can’t really remember anything.”  She truly was bewildered about the whole thing.  I really had erased it then.

I thought about it for a moment, to see if any of my day seemed unclear, but everything fit together perfectly, every event was still there standing rock solid.

“What’s going on, really?” She sounded scared. I wanted to reach out to hold her.  My whole body told me to go for it. I knew that wasn't a wise idea, though.  What if it happened again? I was dangerous, and I knew I was dangerous, but it didn't seem to bother me as it should have. 

“I think when you touched me--I think I read your mind or something. I felt like I was inside of your body, like I was you. I could see all of your memories, and all of your thoughts, it was weird. But then there was something about the guy for the application today---and when I saw it---I just wanted it to go away and--it did!  I think I stole your memory of the whole thing, because you don’t even remember it. Then, I could feel you dying, like I was stealing your soul or something.” I tried to stay focused and tell her everything just as it happened, but when I saw her face I couldn't continue.
“What the hell do you mean you stole my memory? Are you crazy, Ryan?!”  She looked so horror-struck as the words escaped her mouth.

“You don’t believe me?” I asked reluctantly.  She looked at me for a minute, and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She was sitting up facing me now, and we sat looking into each other’s eyes. It was awkward, the whole thing, the explanation, and the silence that followed it.

“No, do you honestly expect me to?”

“Well, yes. I'm telling the truth!” I told her sounding as serious as I could.

“How else would you explain what just happened? You can hardly even remember it. I saw everything through your eyes and mine.  I’m not the one who was lying unconscious remember?” I tried to make her see that what I was saying was completely true. I didn't care about my stupid promise about not speaking, I felt great right now.

The energy I had attained from Alana’s touch was like a drug coursing through my being. I couldn't care about the stupid promise, nothing inside of me allowed it.

“Look, Ryan, maybe you need some rest. You look a bit tired.  You’re not even thinking rationally. So how’s about you get in your car and go home. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” She said to me, sounding a bit more lively now. She stumbled to her feet, maybe she was dizzy too.  She might have been right.  Maybe I had imagined the whole thing, maybe there was some logical excuse for what had just happened. She walked off.

“Night, Ryan!” She called back. Yeah goodnight. I thought to myself.

       The ride home was longer tonight, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't have imagined something so detailed. Maybe I had. I fought with myself silently. All I knew was something, not sure what, but something did not make any sense to me at all. Maybe I was still in the hospital, laying in a coma, after the accident. Maybe none of this happened at all, and, the whole last year was just a dream. 

That didn't seem right either, could a dream really be responsible for something so detailed?  Of course not!  I told myself, after realizing what I had just thought.  I realized that I was about to miss the turn for the street which I lived on, and slammed on my brakes a little to make it.  I ran one of my hands across my steering wheel, as I turned, and realized that the touch was still--just normal.  A chill shot across my body at the thought of it.  

       When I got home, there was no rest, I laid in my bed trying to think of explanations.  Reasonable ones at least.  But I already had my answers.  It was the accident, and just as the doctors said, things had changed.  

I tried to think of why. Why was I different? What reason could there possibly be for this outcome.  Now, when I would think of touching someone, I would think of how enticing it was instead of what pain would come from the intensified sense.  There would be no fight subconsciously with myself.  Not now after I had seen what I could do.  What exactly could I do?  I could take people’s thoughts out of their mind, did that mean that I could put things in?  There were so many questions. The problem was, that I had no way to get answers, except trial and error. 

Trial and error.  I though.  That meant risking someone’s life. Sadly though, I was willing to do it.  I wanted to test the depths of my new ability.  It must have made me a monster, something dark and evil, to allow myself to be so dangerous.

       My alarm startled me.  I didn't realize I had ever even fallen asleep.  I quickly sat up in my bed realizing that I needed to hurry to be on time for class.  I pressed my feet to the floor and realized that, it was back, the repulsiveness of every touch.  The floor was almost unbearable, cold and hard.  Worse even than before.  Every ounce of the feeling throbbed into my brain. The normal things an average person would pay no attention to, things that usually occurred unnoticeably and instantaneously, were so unmistakably present for me. My feet ached and, completely aware of the solution, my body demanded for me to make it stop.  I picked up my cell phone to text Alana.

“Hey, if you want I can pick you up for class and we can do lunch afterwards!”  I wrote the message out quickly and pressed send, hoping that here answer would be prompt. It was.
“Sure!” She wrote back. It was like her to be so timely when doing anything with a phone. It was like an extension to her hand. I would have laughed when I thought of this, but being as eager as I was to resolve my problem, I couldn't find comedy in something so trivial.

       I found myself speeding through her neighborhood, something about the law didn't seem to scare me at the time.  I pulled into her driveway and honked my horn once.  I tapped my hand repeatedly on the steering wheel to ease the anxiety that was building within me.  Alana pranced gracefully out of her front door and into the car. 

“Hey!” She said cheerfully, with her usual morning attitude. Though, I was sure something would change that in the course of the day.  I loved her like this--pleasant and beautiful--stunning and graceful.  There were moments though, usually erratic and outrageous, where she was not herself.  I looked at her, and thought briefly for a moment, about what my next move would be.

What if I can’t stop it? What if she dies? I thought to myself. Something told me to push that aside, and to just go for it.  She was resting on the console between us. 

She was making it easy.  I thought.  All I had to do was brush my arm against hers while I was shifting gears, and that was just what I did.  

       Easy! I thought, as I pressed my arm lightly against hers.  I had to hold that thought, keep it in the front of my mind.  I could feel the energy trying to rush from her body and into mine, but I pushed against it.  I wanted to see if I could have some sort of control. I couldn't stay focused though.  It was as though my body took over, and everything rushed forward.

EASY!  I thought silently to myself again.  It slowed, not much, but just enough. It wasn't as overwhelming as before.  I could see through her eyes again, this time she was conscious though.  Maybe, she didn't realize what was happening.  I pulled myself out, back into my own mind. I could feel the energy rushing forward, it was so good it seemed as though I could taste it.  I couldn't stop myself.  I felt as though it were quenching some sort of dehydration, almost as though I had been dying before this moment.

       Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, I was still looking at her.  We hadn't even began our drive to class, which was probably good.  I could hear her breathing, it seemed uneven, unnatural even.  But that didn't stop me.  No!  I had to have more.

Test it.  I told myself.  Tell me you love me.  Tell me you couldn't stand to spend a day without me.  I thought, trying to force the thought from my mind to hers.  I withdrew my arm from hers, and looked at the clock.  Not even a minute passed, even though it seemed like twenty. 

“Ryan--” Alana’s voice came briskly.  I looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“You know I love you right? I probably couldn't stand to spend a day without you in my life.”  She said. The words weren't exact, but, it was enough to satisfy me.
“Of course you do!” I said sounding enthusiastic. 

“You know, suddenly, I’m thinking that maybe I should skip class today. I’m not feeling so good.” She said sounding a bit troubled. 

“Okay, if you’re sure!” I told her. Something didn't seem right about her now, Alana never skipped class.  Could this be a repercussion of what I had done? 

“Yeah, I’ll catch you at work?” She asked me. 

“Of course.” I tried to sound the least bit guilty.  Alana got out of the car and rushed back inside.

       I was still astonished with my capabilities. I could have anything I wanted, if I played my cards right. I thought about missing class myself, but I couldn't drive myself to skip.  Maybe I would bump into Anthony again today, hopefully though, not so literally this time.  I drove slower now, finally able to relax a bit.  Not having to worry about the inadmissible feelings of touch was such a relief.

I arrived to class late today, which was unusual for me. Mrs. Jones paid no attention to my tardiness as I entered the classroom.  Instead, she continued with her lecture.  I was so distracted I couldn't even hear her.  Her voice was a low rumble of muffled sound in the background of my thoughts, and before long class was dismissed.

       Sluggishly, I pulled myself from my seat and left.  I walked down the hallway which, as full as it was with people, was still very quiet.  I found myself suddenly paying attention to the most ridiculous of details.

Maybe it was because I was constantly waiting for something extreme and unbelievable to happen.  Anthony’s voice came from around the next corner, and it made my heart race.  I could probably have picked his voice out of a crowd, for some reason it seemed so distinct to me.  I wanted to move to the other side of the hallway, so I could be on the same side that his voice came from.  I maintained my path, and when I was in the center of the two-hall intersection, I stopped to look at him.  He looked at me from across the hall and half-smiled.  One of his friends was talking to him about something to do with a car. 

 His friend's voice was low, I could barely make out what he was saying.  He signaled for me to come over---to join their conversation.  I thought about it for a second, being in his company would be nice, so I started towards him.

       “Ryan!” The voice startled me. It was Leonna, one of the many friends I had lost touch with.  I swung around to meet the face of the voice.  There she was, as stunning as ever; beautiful long golden-blonde hair, amazing blue eyes, and the most fascinating smile I had ever seen. She wasn't "Miss America", but she had a remarkable beauty about her, unfit for something as simple as words.  

Quickly she caught up with me, obviously excited to see me.

“So, Alana called me this morning. She says you’re talking to people again!” Her voice was just as chipper as her body language. 

“Something like that.” I told her, sounding a bit distracted. 

“Finally, some progress. I was starting to think you weren't even human anymore!” She said, followed by a giggle. 

“How’s my butt? Do I look okay?” She asked, while groping her breasts as usual.

“The usual, big and sexy. You know that.” I said, sounding dull and mono-toned to express my irritation. She looked at me with a startled expression, obviously it wasn't the response she was hoping for. She groped me a bit.

“Come on! Cheer up, you know I hate seeing you like this.”

       I could still remember Leonna when I had first met her at work. She didn't speak to anyone, about anything except work, and I hated that. I was a manager then, and I could remember thinking of reasons to fire her, just so I wouldn't have to deal with her.

She seemed like one of those girls who was too-good to talk to anyone, and that was what drove me so insane.  All it took was one party, one outrageous gathering of my friends and I, to be rid of that though.  We asked her to tag along, just to be nice, she did and that was when it all changed.  She came out of her shell.  Now, strangely, she was this being of craziness that usually turned everyone’s day around. I turned back around to see if Anthony was standing there, but of course, he wasn't.

       “Ryan! Are you still with me?” Leonna questioned me, as I stared blankly into space. I glanced back at her briefly, and nodded. 

"Look, there’s a party tomorrow, you should come. Maybe, it will help you get back to your old self?” She looked at me curiously. Her statement was more of a question, and I hesitated for a moment searching for an excuse not to go. 

“I don’t know, Lee. Maybe I will go.” I told her halfheartedly. Trying to adjust to social interaction was difficult enough, and Leonna was making things more difficult, only because she seemed to have changed so much in such a short time. It wasn't a drastic change, something that was apparent, but still explainable.

“Ryan look, I know that it’s going to take you some time to get used to things and I’m sorry if it feels like I am rushing things, it’s just that I miss you!” Leonna explained. She stood there staring at me, smiling her usual overly-happy smile, and all I could do was smile back. Standing there with Leonna, reminded me of how things were so different before the accident, it made me miss my old life in a sense. 

“So”, Leonna continued chatting as she usually had, “do you work today?”

       I stared at her with the most confused expression on my face. It had been so long since I had last talked to her that I had completely forgotten we worked at the same place. 

“Yeah, actually, I do work tonight. Why?” I answered her trying not to make it entirely obvious that I forgot.  

"Well, I was thinking that we could maybe get something to eat after?" she asked me.  I thought about the offer and decided it would be nice to do some catching-up with her.  

"Yeah, we can get some dinner, it'll be on me!" I told her sounding a little excited. 

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

This book is gtting very, very, very good! You got talent, man :) On to the next chapter . . .