Heavy Bag

He used to get high in those little houses

that lean out over Pacific Street, but first

he had to learn the lingo

the handshakes, the head nods, the myths

and the mythology

he had to get comfortable getting ripped off

over and over and over

he had to become ok with a .40 on a platter

beside a nervous sweating man

in an apartment off La Canada

he had to learn to weigh and measure

to know a light bag by touch,

a heavy bag by feel

he had to learn to roll the dice

get ripped off, over and over and over by

men in alleyways and hotel rooms, men in t-shirts

and plain jeans with limps and whistles

scars on their hides and knives at their sides

sheathed like their tales

of what life is like on the inside

he had to learn to scrape up the leavings

when there was nothing left

roll it into a ball with sticky fingers

he needed to get comfortable with the idea

of a gun to his head, a finger in his pocket

feeling for his wallet

all the names he learned

all those names

he would need to forget if asked

he had to get comfortable with the side-eye

from the cops in the corner booth

he had to learn where it was safe to use

and where it was best to be sober

he had to learn the lingo

he had to learn the myths

learn to scrape and measure

learn the gleam to a .40 on a platter

he had to learn that once you get high

in the houses that lean out over Pacific

you can’t ever go back

to the sweet realization of

not knowing anything

Reviews

[R.E. Ray]

JR, assuming we have different backgrounds, I relate to this one from a law enforcement perspective, though I have family members with the opposite experiences. What I read here is not a progression but a slow sliding regression into the illegal drug trafficking culture. I've also watched this happen with undercover officers who lose themselves after years of acting like drug dealers. At its core, its a loss of innocence. You've offered a glimpse into the ugliness of a world many never see or know. It's a heavy weight to carry the rest of one's life, and you've captured it well in this poem.

[JR]

Honestly man, I was hoping you'd read this one knowing we come from different backgrounds. Very much shooting for loss of innocence... once you learn all those keywords that lead you into the houses where you get high, there's no going back to the time where you don't know them. Those are some lonely houses and there's a lot of times where I think a lot of people wish they'd never learned to tell a heavy bag by touch. I know there's times when I wish I never had. I drive by those old houses every day, and it got me thinking back to being young and stupid. The things we do, without ever weighing what we're losing...

[R.E. Ray]

JR, it's what we might read in one of the best novels today. I think it would make a best-selling novel.

[JR]

I'd love to write it out in a novel, but I suck at endings. For some reason, I know when a poem is done, but not a book lol. Its really sad, this poem. I had a friend's dad tell me one time that his greatest fear about the legality of weed was that making it illegal forced otherwise good kids to deal with criminals. I definitely saw that, dealt with people I would never have talked to in ordinary life, had experiences most people don't have. Its a very thin, dark world that runs underneath everyday life. I'm sure you know, I read it in Chole Is A Tough Girl. Same deal, different angle. Maybe I just need to work on finding a good ending for a book.

[R.E. Ray]

I think you should seriously consider it. I'd be honored to read your drafts on the law enforcement references. I developed and ran an undercover training program for the feds for several years. This is a subject I know pretty well, and you certainly write with credibility from your experiences.

I published a novel in 2006 (not as good as I thought it was back then). If you want to look for it, it's called "The Crooked Blue Line." (Robert E. Ray). It's available online. It's about drugs and murder, etc.

[JR]

Definitely will look for it. I appreciate you, bud. Take everything you say and weigh it against my own experience. You really help my writing.

[R.E. Ray]

Great to know, JR. Same thoughts here.