[untitled]

Like beating a dead horse

or teaching the deaf morse,

keep repeating till I'm hoarse

not reaching the concourse

and when it rains it pours

as our soldiers are on tours

while we forget and ignore

that our boys are being torn

apart every day

as we look on and look forlorn

at an inevitable war torn

future that was born

as we cheered on in support

of another bloody porn

to satisfy our want

for revenge on this wanton

act of destruction.

Author's Note

Anybody feeling this? Just kinda free thinking rhyme spit, maybe expand or not, let me know y'all.

Reviews

[Vanessa]

From the very first word to the ending, I felt that you kept some sort of toungue alive, something that can easily be lost or cast off somewhere else if one is not careful. You brought it with you through this entire poem, pulled it along cooly with an effortless tone. Fantastic.

The lines that read;
"Like beating a dead horse
or teaching the deaf morse,
keep repeating till I'm hoarse
not reaching the concourse
and when it rains it pours
as our soldiers are on tours
while we forget and ignore
that our boys are being torn,"
..have the most flow, the absolute best of delivery to the reader, I found. Not only did you somehow piece the rhyming/nearly rhyming words together in nice proportions, but you made it all come together while doing so. Often times writers can concentrate on one thin(rhyme/meaning) withouth giving the other side proper attention. You certainly did not do this, because the overall image in this poem is brought full-on to the reader(I, in this case.)

Hoping all is well and whole,
a very willing reader,
Vanessa

[Angel Bird]

Powerful and strong words. I can sense your angriness in these lines.
Unfortunately your words are so very true, and reflect so well the
nowadays society and politics.
What are soldiers to a Nation - a number in a statistic on a dead sheet
of paper - nothing more, except for the soldiers loved ones ...

Perfectly well you hold up the mirror here in front of our society.
Great job!