Forget

They don't understand

why I sit naked

in the cold

Staring at outlines

of tree limbs naked

Moonlight molds

As if their silent silhouette

can make me

Forget

 

They don't understand

why I cry

all alone

Deep in quicksand,

bury feelings there

Suffocate the drone

of loneliness

and make me

Forget

 

They don't understand

why I sit pensive

before blank paper

Staring at outlines

of feelings captive

Silent narrator

of my losses

I have been

Forgotten

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

They don't understand

[DayDreamer1292]

This is a beautiful poem! Great work!

[miSS LEaf]

That was deep and well written, the repetition of 'forget, forget, forgotten' made it feel stronger :)

[Jeanmarie Flaherty]

Wonderful.Brilliant. Perfect.

"Deep in quicksand"

The drowning of feelings, the suffocation of yesterday, yet it keeps coming back. Like fingers to your throat until you can't speak because your words have been lost on deaf ears...

"They don't understand"

The "collective" they so to speak...they don't understand much ;)

The ending is wonderful. It ties everything together, giving the reader an image of loneliness that is stark white and blinding to the point where it is, as the writer claims, unnoticed.
Just amazing.

all my love~
jmm.

[The Language of Birds]

The rhythm and sound of this piece is what I love most. Your repitition of first lines make it incantory, the repitition of naked in the first stanza, perfect. You are a master of cadence. and the internal singing rhymes, like a golden bowl, and the sound matches so well the soft, downspiralling melancholy.

On another note, I read your recent thoughtful review of Kara's chapter, which is why I wanted to read your work in the first place. All around, you are a thoughtful and profound voice. I will most surely return.

Thank you.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

I've already read and reviewed this, but upon second reading i was even more moved, and impressed.

Wasn't going to say anything, as I've already reviewed, but wanted to let you know :)

Kara

[Nik'aule]

I just ran across this and read it again... it was just as powerful as the first time.

[Mr. Deft Diction]

Dang....in such a short burst you spit some really deep s**t. I like the way this poem seems to roll off of the tongue. Tells me that this wasn't just something you intentionally crafted. It's where you where with your thoughts and where they were taking you.

Dope piece, yo.

[Vanessa]

Very thoughtful. I'm trying to find some deeper meaning.
What I've got it that perhaps in looking at this, one would understand a sense of dispair or loneliness.
I do have a comparison, though:
I once made a little hole in the ground, outside, big enough to fit a finger in.
I thought that if I left one finger in, and rotated for each finger, I could make myself be in a different place, if only in seperate parts.... being my finger.
It's actually true, very insanely true that I did that.
It's also pretty pathetic of me, but that's what I thought of in reading this, hence I felt dispair and loneliness in your words. It's a lovely poem, needless to say.

: )
Vanessa

[Tessa]

This is a wonderful poem. I especially love these lines "Moonlight molds As if their silent silhuoettes can make me Forget"... I love it.

P.S. Shout out to a fellow New-Englander ;-)

[~ Luna Moth ~]

I absolutely love the last stanza. It wraps the entire poem up with a poetic bow.

Nicely done.
:-D