Silent Soliloquy

Struggling with addiction

A silent soliloquy

there's nothing left for me

I'm drowning in the ocean,

or I'm floating in the sea

 

How could this have happened,

is it all because of me

I'm forevever saddened

by all I did not see

 

A quest for inner peace,

a happy side of me

This search will never cease

it's hiding in a crease

 

My mind feels so alive,

when floating up so high

Eventually comes pouring down

like teardrops from my eyes

 

Each morning when I wake,

and open up those eyes

I wonder if it's really me

or am I wearing that disguise

 

My poor mother,

I'm sure that she has cried

This disease brings you to your knees

makes you  just want to die

 

So it's a struggle

and there is no real cure

I can only hope for the helping hand

of someone who is pure

 

But there is hope,

of this I can be sure

Ways to cope without needing dope

ways to fight the lure

 

I must find an inner source

in a mind forever free

The strength I need to make me believe

that I can just be me

 

I'm better now

Aw f**k, I'm not so sure

It infiltrates and it satiates

that hole that is in my core

 

So I'll struggle with this,

hope you realize and see

I know that I am selfish

never meant to be your tragedy

 

You can sleep now,

alleviate your fears

I love you both and I know

that I am in your prayers

 

No, I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be

but I can learn about myself

keep the better parts of me

Leave the rest upon a shelf

in close proximity

Cause it will always be there,

there for the world to see

 

The only promise I can make

is what wll be will be

Gather up tomorrows

live them with serendipity

Wipe away my sorrows

and hear me make this plee

I need you now more than ever,

my friends and family

 

 

 

Reviews

[Michael W. Farrelly]

'How could this have happened,is it all because of me, I'm forevever saddened by all I did not see'
You had me with this line. Escaping into our methods of release never makes the world go away, just piles up the s**t we have to deal with when we go clean. Then you go on about the struggle to sacrfice the thing, as bad is it is, that fills that hole in our souls. And what, I ask you, what are we allowed to substitute it with that will keep us f*****g sane? eh? Beautiful write...........

[Rambling Mind]

A writer I once knew told me to never ask about the writers personal influence on his peices....I would ask him if that really happened....he would say..."You never ask a writer that question"...I would role my eyes and say.."That is such bullshit....we always draw on our own mind to fill the imagination of our souls secrets....our souls desires."...He would always laugh....tell me I always thought I was so smart....haha....he would say....But if you are writing truth into what you have just written....just know that sometimes people who you thought were your greatest demonds may just be able to bring in a little light....all you have to do is start ripping at the tape and accept their hand...

[Bethany Woody]

Addiction is a never ending battle. You might not ever smoke again, or pick up another drink, but the need, the temptation to do so is there every minute of every day. It takes a very strong person to resist the urge to fall back on bad habits. Some people with the right help escape to live a "normal" life others waste away to nothing. If words help, then keep writing. If talking helps, keep family and friends on speed dial.
While the rhyme gets a bit choppy in places the flow still works well. Some of the best lines in the piece:

I'm better now
Aw f**k, I'm not so sure
It infiltrates and it satiates
that hole that is in my core

Such gripping words. I've been there, it gets easier to deal with as time goes on.

[justjenn_2u]

I see both sides, drowning in the sea against floating in the sea. Drowning in the is definately painful while floating in the sea, could be so serene. I know the power of addiction, can seem "glamorous" at times and others, so hard. (Even impossible). Addiction can't be stopped when you at a certain point until another entity takes over in the brain.

I will always be an addict and it haunts me to this day. I see your pain. I know how hard it is for a non-addict to understand the inner turmoil an addict faces. I could feel your plea for understanding in this piece.

The poem is not forced and flows with emotion. Good job.

[Angel Bird]

Wow!!!

This is one of the best and profoundest soliloquies I've ever read! It deeply touched me. One can practically feel the emotions at different levels, your struggles, and for me strongly obvious throughout the whole write - especially your struggle with the feeling of having disappointed your parents and failed their expectations in you! Am I wrong ...?

A very true and impressive look into the depth of your soul!

Excellent work! Kudos!

[Kara Emily Krantz]

i liked the way you set up the last few verses - i think i liked that better than the quartets before them

"A quest for inner peace,
a happy side of me
This search will never cease"

i related most to that verse. but not from addiction, just from depression.. that struggling to get to the surface of the self

"I'm better now
Aw f**k, I'm not so sure
It infiltrates and it satiates
that hole that is in my core"

that was my favorite verse. laced with humor, too. well done :)

hugs

[Tai Chi Italy Take Two]

We all seem to have to make terrible sacrifices to get through this life, I read your struggle with yours and it gives me strength to cope with mine....great write. I agree with mkl, it is filling the hole left by our unfullfillment that is the hardest task we are faced with each time we open our eyes. All you can do is love and be you, which as you point out in your poem is hard enough to get to grips with and hold onto. A thought provoker poet you are for sure, LLB

[April Child]

The chaotic thinking is all here, the struggle, the pain and the unanswered questions. You capture it well.

I must find an inner source
in a mind forever free
The strength I need to make me believe
that I can just be me

I like the hope in this stanza amongst the conflict surrounding it. Nice write.

[Rosalie Barrows]

Very well written. I love this. I love the words that are used just moved me. Just reading the first part how the words like " I'm drowning in the ocean, or I'm floating in the sea" How did you come up with something like that? Its like magic! Very well done. I can't wait to read more of your writtings.


Laura