Expression

What am i feeling

They say it's about the Journey not the destination, I've always liked this saying in that many of my travel experiences always end up sideways from what I expected but always leave a memory for me to recall on.

But today I have realized something in the journey of life, in saying journey of life, the realization of cringe havocks over my body but... cringing at something like this is better in a week or two, rather than letting this feeling inside me hurt me anymore.

I write here today to share a pain I just got stung with, normally I would share this feeling with a friend whom I care deeply about, but they are not here, they have grown and are leaving me behind on this crossroads in life.

But the pain I feel today is sadness, from something I have not felt in a while, a sadness which arrived with a little somthing called love, In feeling love today for which I had not felt in over a year, now understand I am not talking about Parental love, Friendship love but rather love you feel for someone you believe complete the dark and empty space inside your heart, the love that guides to be better then ever, the love that you believe you can only find one time in life and in realizing someone i truly loved like that found someone who completed them, the sadness that brought over me, when in they said, i love someone else...

It brought me pain I have never felt before, I believed I knew what pain was, I believed it was something that would heal over time, but time has passed and as it was finally started healing, it was ripped once again. 

Hearing them say "I love someone else" is something i realised i never wanted to hear, I'd rather get stabbed again, mugged or get my arm broker another 100 times, if i could just never hear them say it again, for being stabbed, mugged or breaking my arm will heal with time, but i see there is no time for which wounds of the heal truly... they just get buried down over time.

I hate love, I love the feeling of love, I despise love, I want to love again, It is forever a car crash of emotions inside, for which is something I must control, so for whoever finds this, know... from me. 

Love is something magnificent, love is something vile, love is whatever it desires to be at which time, we may never control love nor can we truly hate love, love is the single most important emotion in the world, for everything we humans do is at the whim of love, wether it is war or peace, we humans are nothing without love in this world, so the best we can do is to continue to love.

Some smart people in this world have tried to describe love, but it is impossible but... there is this one quote that particularly sticks out with me right now -

-Love is a b***h sometimes-

So for anyone whoever might find this and actually read all the way through, know that you're going to be great and i will also be great but for now, I am just a child experiencing the true adult pain for the first time, maybe you have done the same or maybe you will one day, just know that I believe in you... and I hope you do the same for me, and for the last time, thanks to anyone that read my feelings and thoughts in this fleeting moment.

-Good bye-