Antidote

In Maya's words I find an antidote for the hurt

In Mariah's song I hear don't ever be lonely, anytime you need me, anytime you need a friend

Love will make it alright

Even in this confusing moment I can still feel Him on me shine

He is taking me through the blue

All I want to be is with you

Yet there is this romantic dream in my heart that must come true

I feel such power with me when I reach this blurry end

This is again about Ben

I don't know what i was thinking

I don't know what to do

Last night he sent me a picture of him in a pink shirt

I thought he looked very cute

He wished me good night

All clean baby

Is that something a casual interest would do??

On a bed with a closet full of girls clothes

He tells me he still supports her

Sometimes they watch tv together

What the hell

God keeps waking me from this spell

I know now this isn't love

I know now you aren't an angel from above

He wanted to see me today

But he is so busy always

I was like okay because I don't need to lose my mind

He says you could be like a manger managing people who get fired

I am so tired

I give you what you gave me

I told him I am a terrible FWB

Last time he said the L word

He says we are more than friends

When I ask him if we are boyfriend/girlfriend he says maybe

I realize when he says he misses me, he needs me

He is mesmorized by my vagina this whole time

Yet I still need him by my side

There is a love I feel for him inside

I know though from the start he was complicated

I think he tries

Time is just not on our side

I talked to him a bit and he became more distant

Maybe he can see I am piecing all the clues of his crime

He showed me a photo of him in his house

He can't tell me where it is, its a secret

What the f**k

This is bad love luck

How long did it take to learn this lesson

4 years

Can you understand my tears?

I am sad for us for myself

I thought he was a color of heaven

I was so dumb

Eating up the love crumb

Why are people treated this way?

Yet I miss him

Yet I don't know what to do

I must pray very hard

I am stuck on this earth

A place where you only find a broken heart

Let it all fall apart

Shake it off

I know not this ain't love

I must have been a fallen angel

Always falling for the bad boy spell

Banished from heaven because I keep chasing the fairy tale

I feel the depression ripping me to shreds

I got to stop dreaming

Fantasizing in the head

Help me Lord take the next step

Breathe in me your purifying breath

I know even in this death

I have risen

Maybe this is some pain from the cross

I share this pain because I want to serve God

I never wanted Him to die for my sins

Maybe if I wasn't such foolish existence

He wouldn't be so far away in distance

I write this for all the depressed children

Call to the Lord and know

With HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE even in your worst hour you are never alone.

I heard Maya's words but its God speaking through her

Giving me a much needed antidote for all this hurt.