A Love Unlike Before

Once again I blocked him over the weekend

In these few hours of freedom I was sad how he could easily let it be

Monday came and he faced me with tears in his eyes

I ask him, why he cries?

He says he is heartbroken I will never make love to you again

However he adds I thank you for being my friend

I tell him I am heartbroken too

He says its easier to leave than be left

I say I don't want to leave but you don't love me so its better I go

He says I love you for the person you are being in love and love are two different things you know

Truth is I don't about these things

Which are the stronger wings?

I have no clue about love

He isnt the angel from above

Just a very torn soul

Locked in a complicated home

He loves me as his friend

He just can't be in love with anyone again

I ask does he love me like a sister

After seeing each other naked so many times its a path I dont prefer

Again he says I love you for who you are and I love what we have

i am Belle and he is the beast but more sad

Locked in a place because of the mean fairy

If he cant leave her then I should be the one to leave

He says when I block him you torture me

He pulls me in to his embrace and hugs me tight

i just stay in his arms without life

He asks me to hug him for real

I do it always feels very good

Even together we are a part

Yet something between us refuses to leave each other in the dark

Its our heart

I cant hate him i cant love him

There is nothing for me to do

I sit in his van in his arms he kisses me so deep and again we are reminded of the truth

He is my tattoo

His tongue inside me and I cant breathe

The earth is on a pause except him and me

on the way over i told him I had lost the dog

It was a few days and i found him on my own

After i told him the story he asks why didnt i call

I told him i didnt know i could  i have always been alone

its hard to lean. I dont understand what we are means

He says we are more than fwbs. I say i will probably die alone

He says no because I will be with you at your side even in spirit for all time

I told him there is a hole in the gate and he will investigate

He wants me to call him always when the water heater breaks

Maybe tomorrow he will forget everything he says

I know I should have more faith

Especially if I cant even stay away

Today is a new day only God can lead the way

In the end there is no reason to hate

This are the cards life has dealt

Love grows though it complicates

Is it still  a mistake

After his kiss I feel more awake

With or without him

I cant be with or without him

Only God can lead me through this

I dont understand why he needs me in his life

I guess I still want him in mine

Old habits are hard to break maybe one day love will be right

yet there is no happily ever after

I dont know if we ended or started another chapter

i had to kiss him one more time

never talking to him again makes me sad inside

He calls me princess and even though its not perfect

It feels so worth it

i dont want to be hurting

I dont want to hurt another

Mr. Right doesn't bother

foe or friend i dont know

in his arms i came home

even in his smelly van and his dirty mechanic hands

definitely not a brad Pitt

My heart tells me this guy can't be it

So why not just stay friends in the end

Its not fun to hate

human experience is always to complicate

He might use me or break me

He cures the lonely but I deserve better

i miss him if i know we will never be together

no one kisses me like he does

he asks me how my test was

he is no angel from above

somewhere in there i know there is a love

These are some of the reasons why

I have such a sad love life

One day I hope to get it right

Find the one who can truly be mine

until then enjoy the kiss

miss the one you miss

in the time of pandemic

time is more short

just know at least you can look back and say you tried for something more

there was no fear for any kind of door

We loved with a love unlike before.