Loophole

Im ok

I am feeling great 

In the unhealthy smoke God blew the door open with windy hope

He came to me via text as if the word goodbye is never known

He texted “I miss hugging you, kissing you, kissing your breasts and being inside you

I wish we can make out in my car in the drive way"

My reply is, “I don’t know what to say. i want to but this is not right”

He texts back, “there’s a lot of things in this world that is not right we do what we do because we need to”

My reply is “what?”

I said good bye to him last week he said he respects my decision

Sends the song “Happier” to keep up with the bitter vision

Then he texts me now as if it all never happened

Yet his sentence of answer is so thought provoking my heart kept poking the words in my head that were spoken, “I missed him too”

He added, he needs me, he needs me for that human affection , he says, “I need to hug you, kiss you, feel you, make you cum”

I asked him more questions, “do you think of me every day” he says, “yes, almost every day”  I reply, ‘almost with a teary sad face emoji, then he replies, “yes, I think of you every day I want to f*** you now. “

I ask, “do you only think of me when you are horny?” he answers, “I think about you every day how you’re doing”

I say, "I am ok, how are you”

He says, “I am so late I am so tired”

I reply, “Aww, I am sorry”

He texts back, Do you want to f*** me now? In my car like last time? I ask “Where are you now?” He replies, “And Oakland” 

I ask , “do you only think of me when you are by my house”

He answers, “no I think of you when i am at work and other places. So do you want to see me yes or no?”

I simply say, “yes”

That was the truth and now this morning I don’t regret

The way I walked to his van parked in my drive way at night

I don’t know the actual time

I was blinded by the emotions he manipulates inside

Also by the neighbors motion sensor light

He opened the passenger door

He pulled me in like the two times we had van sex before

He pulled me in to his arms for a kiss

It felt so strange because it was so long since then

Then after awhile those familiar butterfly magic flew in

He pulled me in to his arms

There I felt safe from harm

The cold night made me think I couldn’t perform

He said, “don’t worry baby, I will keep you warm”

He asked me "how I was while touching my legs and inside my thighs”

I replied, “ I am good but maybe we should just kiss because its cold tonight”

He replies again, “I put the heater on. I will keep you warm"

He said “I missed you I missed this" as he kept his hand between my legs

Then he pulled me in for a kiss it was long I felt his tongue inside my mouth

My tongue ignited with his and together danced around

As we came up for air his teeth pulled at my lower lip and that was it

All that I knew All that we do came back to me igniting my memory

He took my pants off and lifted my shirt.

He kissed my lips and then lowered his lips to my breasts

He says, “I need these breasts"

Then he lifted me up after awhile. I sat on the seat watching him get naked

Watching him put the  duress condom on felt so sacred

He looks so lovely and strong

He looks old and fat to a simple passerby’s eye

Yet to me he is so cute I feel more butterflies flutter around inside

His body covered with tattoos

My favorite one is the one of JC

He leads me to his lap I kiss his mouth once again

His tongue entwines with mine he tugs on my lower lips

I can feel pressure on my back from his finger tips

My fingers trace his beard as we do more kisses on the lips

 it all feels so fantastic and weird

I kiss the JC on his chest asking Him for forgiveness

He slowly  comes inside me its too dark for us to see

It hurts a little bit but at the same time like ecstasy

I tell him to go slowly, he says, “off course, baby”

I am looking in to his eyes we are still connected yet alive

I feel him moving underneath

I move to match his desire to make heat

I hold on to him he holds on to me as we kiss more deeply

I ask him to his bearded face, "am I your last lover?” He goes, “what?” while sounding annoyed I am distracting him from his orgasmic embrace. I ask again, “was there a lover before me?" he replies, ‘you are my only lover” truth or not how can I tell? he goes all the way inside and i can’t ask anything else all I want to do is concentrate on our orgasmic love. It feels so good unlike anything else like heaven holds us from above. We moan and we feel so connected he pulls me deeper in to his embrace my head leans on his shoulder i feel like the bond is stronger as I surrender to this love I will always remember. I kiss his shoulder as we ride the orgasmic tide he rubs my butt its a new thing and it feels so good I don’t want to stop. For the first time we feel wanted and not alone. This poem is so long. A poem it is for it describes something that could be love but its so hard to say they say you feel it when you know but its still so hard to tell. I realize no matter where we go I will never regret the day I fell under his spell. If this is all we have, i will never be sad. I will remember what we had a forty five minute love is better than a lifetime without love. I am no genius. I am clearly a fool. This is what the universe gives me when i pray for a husband. He says he is going through divorce, waiting on a settlement. I say “your wife has an I heart you pic and you are both kissing on Facebook” he replies, “our lips aren’t touching” He adds, “don’t worry about this, don’t talk about this. You are the one I want I do want to make more time to be with you’. As we dress he pulls me in to his arms and holds me close he tells me” I miss you” He also said it when we were making love. Its all so hard to figure out but I was watching grace and frankie about two girls who are left after twenty years of marriage because their husbands turned gay and fell in love with each other. I tried to say goodbye. He just comes back like it didn’t happen everytime. We must be crazy but he is my baby and I am his I never regret when we kiss, when we touch, I fall in to his arms and it feels like this is where I belong I say goodbye yet the butterflies are still there in our loophole sky.