Chapter 1

Here I am sat at lunch with my friends, a mixture of jocks, cheerleaders and "beautiful" people. Robert sat next to me, holding my hand. Next to him, Georgia Sandford, Robert's girlfriend and head cheerleader. Across the table, Dean lazzar, point guard for the school's basketball team, and next to him, Trixy Gerrard, Dean's girlfriend and my best friend. "It must be har living with your sister" Robert stated.
"Not really. She's hardly there and when she is home, she's in her home." I answered honestly.
"I don't know why you admit tobeing related to her" Trixy groaned. "You don't look like each other. No-one would have to know."
"I won't lie if asked."
"So, if people don't ask, you don't tell?"
"That's right."
There she is. Doesn't that embarrass you?" Robert asked while pointing towards Vanessa.
I turned to look at my sister. She was sat a few tables away from us, leaning back against the table wearing a cap, baggy pants and a hoodie. Isla was next to her with her hand on Vanessa's thigh. I was things like that that made people think they were together. They never confirmed or denied the rumours, in fact, they did their very best to imflame them. In response to Robert's question, what do you think my answer was?
Of course it does but what can I say to her? We don't speak."
"I'll talk to her if you want?"
Georgia's head snapped to Robert so fast I was suprised she didn't get whiplash. "What was that?" she asked.
It was Trixy who answered. "He's volunteering to talkto Vanessa."
"Livvy's sister, Vanessa?"
"Brave man" Dean joked.
"Stupid boy more like. Why would you do that?"
Robert shrugged. "Just look at what she's doing over there. She's got to be told if that's what she wants to do, don't do it in public."
"You're crazy. Vanessa won't listen to you and you know it." Dean offered up.
"Worth a shot."
"And when were you planning on doing this?" Trixy asked.
"No time like the present."
"Now?" Georgia almost shouted.
Dean shook his head. "Nuts, dude." Robert got up and starterd to walk towards Vanessa. Dean yelled after him. "Hey. If she kills you, I'm taking your car."
What did I expect him to do? Persuade her to stop? What could do that? I was stupid. What was she doing wrong? Nothing. I know that now. Now it's too late.

Reviews

[Ace St. Jean]

I would like to see where this goes. Are there going to be any more chapters after this one? Also, the line with "If she kills you" was pretty good. Hinting at what may happen. Other than that, there are several minor errors regarding capitalizations and stuff. But overall pretty good, the dialogue is great.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you. I have the full book written, I haven't typed it up yet. I've been working on other projects. I do try and be careful with my grammar but don't always get it right. Again, thank you for your help. It's always welcome on all my pieces.

[Ace St. Jean]

You're welcome. It's always better to write it on paper before typing it. Makes writing the itself feel more natural.

[Jennie Baron]

Nice start to the story, putting us in the middle of in the prologue, and the introduction of characters and exposition in chapter 1 are quite good. There are a few typos to correct and format things that I would change. One thing I noticed in chapter 1 was where you basically ask the reader, "What do you think my answer was?" If that isn't something you plan to do frequently, I'd simply change it to "My answer was, "Of course it does but what can I say to her? We don't speak." Also, you can maybe add how she said it. Did she take time? Did she answer quickly as if that answer were rehearsed? What was her tone? Embarrassed, sad, resigned to the situation?

I'd like to see how this story develops!

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you, Jennie. I will take another look at it and incorporate your input. Glad you are enjoying it so far.