Sir Eglamour's Sword

One day, King Gerald was in the throne room of his castle with Sir Bruce and Prince Marco. "I have heard of Sir Eglamour's sword in a dragon," said King Gerald. "I want you two to go and get it."
"We will go and get it if there is a reward," said Sir Bruce.
"Yes, whoever brings the sword to me," said King Gerald, "will marry my daughter."
At that moment Nigel the cook walked through with a pile of plates in his hands. "Sire," Nigel asked. "Can I go?"
Marco and Bruce laughed. "You?" said Marco still laughing. "What do you know about dragons?"
"That they are big, green and fierce," Nigel answered. That made Marco and Bruce laugh even more. King Gerald silenced them. "You may go," said Gerald. "Go to the stable and choose a horse."
"Thank you Sire," said Nigel. He took the plates to the kitchen then went out to the stables.
Nigel chose a horse called Flash. It had hair as black as ebony, eyes as bright as buttons and his hair was as soft as silk.
Nigel walked through the garden for a while. He was just about to go back inside, when he saw a girl sitting on a marble bench by the fountain. She was the most beautiful girl Nigel had ever seen.
The girl's eyes were blue as the sky.
Nigel walked over to the bench and sat down beside her. "Hello," said Nigel. "My name's Nigel. What's yours?"
"My name's Gwendoline," said the girl not turning round. "I'm the Princess."
"Oh, Princess," said Nigel. "Such a beautiful maiden will soon come to a horrible fate."
Gwendoline turned round to look at Nigel, who bowed his head. "What do you mean?" she asked puzzled.
Nigel told her about the dragon, Sir Bruce, Prince Marco and himself. "And whoever brings the sword back to your father will marry you," Nigel ended sadly.
"Do you think you will retrieve the sword yourself?" Gwendoline asked.
"I have no skill with a sword," said Nigel.
Gwendoline felt sorry for Nigel. Nigel said "I must get back for it is time to start to cook the dinner. Tonight I will make a special dinner just for you." With that Nigel went back to the kitchen.
Meanwhile in the throne room, King Gerald was talking to Sir Bruce and Prince Marco. "Sire," said Bruce. "Do you expect that boy to get the sword?"
"No," said the King. "But I expect one of you two to."
The King sent a messenger to tell Nigel that they would leave the next morning.
When dinner came Nigel took the soup out to the King, Gwendoline, Sir Bruce and Prince Marco. King Gerald thought the soup was delicious. He thought the same about the same about the main course and dessert.
The next morning, Nigel got up early and went to get his horse.
He rode around the palace yard until Bruce and Marco came out.
They set off. Soon after, Bruce and Marco started talking. "We'll lose him in the woods," said Marco.
When they got to the woods, Marco and Bruce galloped off without Nigel. Nigel just carried on slowly.
Bruce and Marco came out of the woods near a cave which they assumed was the dragon's.
The cave belonged to Bad fairy Westa. "Hello," said Bruce. "We are looking for a dragon's cave. Is it near here?"
Westa said nothing but pointed left. "Thank you very much," said Marco. But when they turn to go in that direction, Westa cast a spell on them. They were now under his control. He ordered them to kill Nigel.
While all this was happening Nigel met two fairies. One was called Good fairy Hilda and the other Good fairy Tabitha.
"Hello," said Nigel. "I'm looking for a dragon."
"Has this dragon you're looking for got a sword in it?" asked Tabitha.
"Yes," Nigel answered. "Sir Eglamour of Kentlingworth's sword."
"Then there is the cave," said Hilda.
"Thank you ever so much," said Nigel. "Is it dead?"
"No," said Tabitha. "Not quite. Sort of semi-dead."
"Oh," said Nigel and he entered the cave.
Nigel saw the dragon and it appeared to be sleeping. Just as Nigel moved closer, the dragon woke up. "Who is there?" asked the dragon.
"It's just me," said Nigel. "My name is Nigel. What's yours?"
"Hello Nigel," said the dragon. "My name is Nicolino. My tummy hurts. It's been hurting ever since that knight poked me with his sword. My eyesight is blurred," Nicolino complained.
Nigel walked across to the dragon's stomach. "I know what the problem is," said Nigel.
"What is it?" asked Nicolino.
"That knight left his sword inside you," Nigel replied. "Do you want me to take it out?"
"Yes, please do take it out," said Nicolino.
Nigel gently eased the sword out, trying to hurt the dragon as little as possible. "It's out," Nigel told Nicolino.
"Thank you Nigel," said Nicolino.
Nigel took Sir Eglamour's sword and walked out of the cave. Just before he went he told Nicolino about Sir Bruce and Prince Marco coming to kill him.
Nigel left the cave and went to thank Hilda and Tabitha. Bruce and Marco were by the cave entrance.
Bruce looked at the sword. "Where did you get that sword from boy?" Bruce demanded.
"In the corner of that cave there," Nigel answered truthfully.
"You'd better not be telling us lies, boys," said Marco.
"No," said Nigel. "But there is one thing I didn't tell you."
"What was that?" asked Bruce.
"Dragons," said Nigel. "Hundreds of big red dragons."
"Red dragons are harmless," said Marco.
"No. Red dragons are the bad ones," said Nigel.
"Then how come you are not dead?" Bruce asked.
"They were all asleep," said Nigel.
At this time Hilda and Tabitha were walking up behind Bruce and Marco with a smile on their faces.
They froze when they saw Marco put his sword under Nigel's chin.
"Hey," Tabitha called to Marco. Marco and Bruce turned around. "Put the sword down," said Tabitha.
"No," said Bruce. "Our orders come from Westa queen of the fairies.
"Look into my eyes," said Hilda to Marco. This was part of her plan to break the spell.
It took a long time to break the spell.
While Hilda was breaking the spell on Marco, Tabitha was doing the same to Bruce.
Nigel watched in amazement.
When Tabitha and Hilda broke the spell Bruce and Marco were a little dazed. "Nigel, take the sword back," said Tabitha.
Nigel jumped on Flash, and rode back to King Gerald.
Tabitha and Hilda teleported over to the Badlands. When they got there, they banished Westa to the moon.
When Bruce and Marco recovered from their daze they entered the cave.
By now Nicolino's eyesight had got much better. Nicolino pretended to be asleep. Marco and Bruce searched for the sword everywhere. Bruce eventually found the hole where the sword had been. He came to the conclusion that Nigel had already got the sword. But before he could tell Marco he was grabbed and eaten whole by Nicolino. Nicolino had trouble getting Bruce down, so he chewed on him until he was almost a liquid. Nicolino did the same to Marco.
Nigel was already back at King Gerald's palace. He took the sword to King Gerald.
King Gerald was sitting with Gwendoline in the throne room. The King gasped when he saw Nigel had Sir Eglamour's sword. "I have got the sword, Sire," said Nigel kneeling down. "Now can I have my reward of marrying the Princess?"
The King didn't say anything, he just nodded.
The wedding was set for the next afternoon. It was the happiest day of Nigel's and Gwendoline's life.
A few days later King Gerald fell ill. Doctors did their best to keep him alive but did not succeed.
As for Nigel and Gwendoline they lived happily ever after.

Author's Note

I wrote this when I was 11years old.

Reviews

[Alexander D]

I liked it. It's really easy to follow, something most stories I find aren't. Simple but good, and it keeps me interested. Sure, there's a lot of room for improvement, but I don't think the way it is right now is a hindrance, and the improvement would only be for vanity sake or just to keep the haters from hating.
It's like you took the King Arthur (and the sword in the stone) story and twisted it around into a completely different and original story. I would personally like to read something like this as a completed novel.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you Alexander.

[Luke Steed]

For an 11 year old, this is written really well. I enjoyed the story. I did find it hard to read for the sole reason that it's not really divided into paragraphs, was just thrown together like this. I would suggest you make the font bigger and press the tab button at the start of each paragraph.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you. I have started to rewrite this but have other works that need editing.

[M.D. Harrison]

I loved this little story. To me it felt like a fairy tale that always kept me looking forward to the next line. Best story from an 11 year old I've ever read.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[David Marsden]

I read this story and it kept me interested enough to continue reading until the end, then I saw the declaration that you wrote it when an eleven year old. This made me read it again, trying to think like a child as I did so. If only I could write stories like this at that age. Maybe that's what mindset to be in when writing fantasy, I don't know. I loved these sort of tales when I was a child.
I feel I cannot critique this work because I would be doing so to a child not an adult. If I was your teacher when you did this I would have given you full marks, shown it to the other staff and pinned it to the notice board.
What you could do with it now is edit it as an adult, which would mean just going through it and think more about each sentance to see which need improving and which don't. For instance, the line at the begining: "'We will go and get it if there is a reward,' said Sir Bruce." No-one would say this to a king from this era, I get the feeling it is set in medieval times.
The story is good and has a plot that is carried through. It could be expanded upon by adding more detail and making it into a longer version without altering the theme. Maybe 5000 words, or even a novel. It could be filled with fantacy characters from your childhood memory.
If this is what you produced as a child then keep writing.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Again rewriting/editing will happen at some point. Is this something your grandchildren would enjoy?

[David Marsden]

Yes, I have two grandchildren, a girl age six and a boy age four. I think they would like this and it has the fairytale ending

[Jemma Packman]

Hopefully one day it will be fully worthy of a bedtime story for them and others.

[PaperBouquet]

I like the sense of wonder in this.

[Jemma Packman]

Thank you. Glad you liked it.

[Justin Robben]

My favorite aspect of this piece, outside of the fact that you wrote it when you were quite young, is the fairy tale nature of it.

It *feels* like a proper fairy tale. And reads like or, too.
And that's not a bad thing. For an eleven year old, it's outstanding.