nothings

A Poem by Alice M.

I used to go to the diner on Saturdays with my mom
and she’d play Frank Sinatra with the windows of her Mercedes Benz rolled down
and the half days in elementary school
when mom was working hard
i’d go to my Nana’s house and we’d
eat good food and we'd laugh and watch the Sound of Music

in the winter we’d go to the big city
to see Broadway plays or the
Radio City Christmas Spectacular
and it seemed so simple but it made me so happy

as a child i had no care in the world

in sixth grade
i started to wonder why good people like my nana had to die
and people like my parents became so bitter
i wondered why it was okay to like boys, and that
they liked me if they teased me or hurt my feelings
but it was wrong to want to marry the girl two rows behind me in class
i look back and remember how
i’d talk out loud in class and sing to my friends
it’s turned to mumbles and inaudible whispers now
i only sing in the shower and talk to myself and god because
apparently he’s listening
even though it doesn’t feel like it