The Nothing

What is this inside of me,
Telling me from the deep dark,
To give in to all my instincts,
To give up living this farce.

It tells me to leave behind me,
Far away the mask I wear,
Primal urges tearing at me,
Wanting me to leave this hell.

Forsaken by all the angels,
By the devils left behind,
Wrong are wired all my cables,
Wondering just what am I?

All there is are weathered ruins...
All there is are worthless things...
All there is are brainwashed beings...
Being all lead to their ends,
Taken like a sacrifice,
Peacefully taking their deaths.

Reviews

[therisa]

I agreed with E.H. Monroe, your last two stanza are stellar, but are let down with the first two. They seem weak but not sure how you might improve upon them, beyond starting from the beginning with a rewrite of these stanza. If you are attempted to build up to a crescendo with the final stanza, you really need to work on the second stanza. Overall, a very good start with this poem.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Well written poem! Forsaken by all the angels,
By the devils left behind,
Wrong are wired all my cables,
Wondering just what am I?


My Favorite stanza!

[Karli]

kept me in from the first line to the last. Great work with keeping it interesting:)

[E.H. Monroe]

Last two stanzas are the building blocks. That's where you get off what is seemingly the age ol gonna end it all poem.
With every industry inundated with it, it tends to run dry, but not withour heart.

The cables being wired wrong is a great visual. Maybe something to build from there.

The repetition in the fourth is also a great little kick in the a*s.
The first two are a weak lead and also take away from what could be the ball buster stanzas.

The s**t has promise University student blowing off steam,

now whip it...whip it good