Chapter Two

Book One

Chapter Two

 

"There are certainly more pressing matters to speak about than this."

            

"I'm sure there are but the wellbeing of my Soldiers is, first and foremost, a priority. They're like children to me."

The counsel room was dry and cold. Faces of the Soír tasked with military focus particularly in the engineering behind weapons and probability calculations for successful campaigns were present and numbered about three hundred and forty respectively. The thirty Dane [1] appointed to the four Messo Soír[2] were present as well. They had clustered to the left of the massive chamber and whispered amongst themselves about the retort given by a Captain who had taken the floor. He stood in the middle most point of the circular floor beneath the massive ascending seats.

            

An older Captain named Javid Saul jutted his chin out at the Messo Soír. He appeared rather fat and scruffy with a short grey beard covering his face. "The calculations for costs and benefits of a sacrifice will not account for a man's future potential. These youths show promise! They don't deserve to be abandoned."

            

"You would throw away even more Soldiers for the sake of your own on a whim of promise, then? How is that reasonable?"

            

Javid growled and shuffled his feet. It had been several weeks since he had assigned twenty newer recruits to safe guard a Da'ir convoy on its way to trade resources with a Western province. It was no surprise that the convoy had fallen prey to Dona bands lingering along the borders between major states as raids orchestrated by their peoples had become more common.

            

"You do know that the threat of casualties is increased now, yes? We've lost more patrol units on the South West end to those rouges than I've seen in my lifetime. They've heightened in numbers, as per reports, and swarm them extremely quickly with long ranged combat. If we send out an extraction, what's stopping the Dona from claiming more casualties? Shall I risk trained operatives for only potential contributions of your novices?" The Messo Soír explained with bored expression.

            

"Novices?" Javid guffawed. "Perhaps you should get to know your Soldiers before judging them in your tower!"

            

Angry choruses of voices broke out at the comment. 

            

Mart peered around the bustling room quietly and with wide eyes. An entire host of elders had poured into the Council before he could slip away. They had not noticed his presence as they had been too concerned with their discussion. About fifty heads chorused about in the cavern. He glanced up at Raachelle in her seat. So that's why she made her way here… Raachelle wasn't involved with the Soír tasked with overseeing military strategy. Her predominate function was the creation of legislation around taxation. Mart recalled Jyacoren stating her mother had a taste for warfare, however. Harrgber must have invited her here.

            

"I, for one, would not say that the issue of the Dona's growing numbers is the direst." An old yet spirited voice boomed. Mart was shook from his thoughts and shook his head. "Men have returned telling stores of cooperation between previous rival bands." Den Kiele appeared to be musing at the ceiling with his brow furrowed. The creases in his face appeared longer as flames from the candles lighting the room flickered across him. He was balding on the top of his head but had long white tufts of hair beneath his ears and at the nape of his neck.

            

"Quick cooperation in a face of a larger threat is common amongst nomads." The Messo Soír droned.

            

"Certainly! However, I have yet to see such extremely old hatreds extinguished so rapidly and with such disclosure.  Arti and Eahati[3] are basically in each other's beds! These tribesmen aren't known for their eloquent conversation nor have much merit toward combined efforts with such strategy. How does a group of Dona manage to capture a well-supplied Da'ir military base in a matter of days? It's unheard of. Their changed tactics aren't only born of exchanges of technique, the style is almost unrecognizable and it is reminiscent of the Southern Provinces. Have you heard of Dona with bows? How about Dona organizing an elaborate bluff? I haven't heard of it in my long career and, upon consulting texts, neither have our ancestors. Don't you think that curious? I believe there's something else at work here and-"

            

"I concur!" Raachelle's piercing voice quipped up in the top rung of seats.

            

Den Kiele looked up at her with curiosity and a hint of disdain. It was odd for the woman to agree with him on any matter at all especially when it pertained to his own theories. 

            

"The creatures out there are far too stupid to have illustrated such a feat on their own." She continued. "Yet, who would be responsible for the employment of invalids? It's curious." She turned her face down and smiled at the Den. It was a kind of smile one gives a dish of cooked food before devouring it. "It warrants further investigation. We keep only a portion of the men there. We'll send word to the convoy to have Javid's best men sent back and leave the mediocre for a ruse. I want to have them put in a vulnerable location of mundane strategic importance to observe the methods of the capture."

            "I'm not sparing a man!" He cried and his peers began a chorus of hollering.

            

"We don't need to leave anyone behind." Harrgber's baritone voice rumbled below the other men. They ceased their shouting and glared at him curiously. "Spare the convoy this ordeal. I'll bring some scouts to spy on the barbarians instead. We can observe them before they reach the convoy and report what we find to the neighboring bases."

            

"I will accompany you!" Javid proclaimed. 

            

"That's not necessary."

            

"I insist!"

            

"Spying to save a convoy is a waste of time and resources! Why spare one and damn several if no useful information is gleaned? What if another base to these degenerates?" Raachelle argued.

            

"I was planning on bringing some of my more formidable students beyond the gate in the near future." Harrgber explained. Indeed, it was his own personal custom to bring the best in his class outside of the mountain range for a light task. He liked being able to see students under pressure of responsibility and judge those performances rather than only in training. "If I bring eight, they can go spread word to the four surrounding factions in pairs and each with a Soldier while I and the others investigate the fallen base and warn the convoy. The factions can propagate the news further from that point onward. There's no need to sacrifice anyone for anything."

            

"It's a better idea." One older woman said while some voices in her vicinity agreed.

            

"It's not a better idea." Raachelle's voice rose in pitch and volume. "We would be risking formidable marksmen and infantry rather than losing our poorer recruits. The lives of the most adept are worth twice those of the least. This operation would cause a greater loss than mine."

            

"I don't necessarily think that to be true." Harrgber turned to Raachelle. "The formidable Soldiers can execute this operation. I have good faith in my subordinates and in myself. The loss from my operation is considered less when you factor our success rather than failure."

            

She narrowed her eyes at Harrgber but appreciated his argument regardless. The two were rather close and had met when Raachelle served under her mentor in the Sola en Kyta Yotgy[4] at the age of eighteen. She had been moved to judiciary and legislation when it was revealed that her literary competency was superior to the majority of her peers. In their youth, Harrgber often bolstered Raachelle's opinions whenever he during discussion periods and gained her favour. In return, as she grew more influential, leniency was granted to some of Harrgber's requests for excursions or equipment. They still remained rather close.  

            

"You believe yourself and your men to be better than adequate for this task?"

            

"Certainly." He answered her with his eyes squinted.

            

"You bear responsibility for their lives?"

            

"I bear responsibility for theirs and the lives of the base we'll spare."

            

She clicked her tongue at him. "We'll put it to a vote."

            

"This is ridiculous. The Dona will be as they always are, incompetent and easily swayed with bribery. We simply repopulate the hold with more Soldiers once we pay them off." The Messo Soír spoke with disinterest and fatigue. He was a very old man as were most of those in his class. In all earnest, he wanted to head to the bath and rest before retiring to bed. Many of his peers seated in his vicinity began to agree with him.

            

"Coward!" Cried Javid.

            

"Hush." Harrgber turned to the rowdy man and then back to the Messo Soír. "I think a vote is warranted. I will accept the outcome of it without question, as I'm sure we all will."

            

Faces glanced at each other hurriedly and the participants began to discuss the issue.

            

The Messo sighed but his rationale to prohibit a vote would not have been convincing enough for those who opposed the sacrifice of the convoy. "I have no qualm. I'll give a recess for two spins of red to decide." The Messo drew two stones from his robe. The stones were shaped as having points at either end with a bulbous middle, resembling a top, yet each could spin reliably for a certain period of time. The smallest, green, can spin for our five minutes and the other, red, could reach ten with the largest, yellow, reaching fifteen of our minutes. He took the red stones and placed them beside each other. With a flick of his wrist, the first of the two began to spin. Voices erupted as the recess began.

            

"General."

Harrgber elected to ignore Javid and search for Backus instead. Securing the vote of his comrade would mean his associates could be convinced as well. He began to move toward his left.

"Hey!"

Harrgber felt a fit smack his back. He turned with a fierce expression. "It would do you well not to approach me in that manner."

Javid ignored him. "I will have you know, I've had many years on you. I've dealt with more Dona skirmishes than you've seen in your first ten years of service!"

"Please, look-"

"I demand to represent my own men!" Javid began to yell. "They could very well die! You don't care about them! You want an excuse to answer your own questions beyond the gate." The old man narrowed his eyes at Harrgber. "I see through you!"

Harrgber raised his eyebrow while the voice of the others chorused around them. He stared quizzically at the old man in front of him. He'd heard him yammer about at many warfare congressional meetings but had never met him personally.

"I'll have you know-!" He began to holler in the other's face again.

"Alright then."

Javid stopped and was stunned. He had been under the impression that the other man would hesitant to work alongside someone of an older age. Harrgber was known for his impatience and speed. He planned his strategy with the consultation of very few comrades and wasn't known for inclusivity. Javid was taken aback by the sudden consent. "Really?"

"Yes. However, I won't be responsible for you or the company you choose to bring. You may come along with me, but as far as I am concerned, we are of a different unit. I will not be responsible for an old man's plight."

Javid stared and then nodded ecstatically. "Good, good. I look forward to it."

There was another hand on Harrgber's shoulder now from the opposite side. He turned and saw a rather young fellow with dark greasy hair. "Backus is with you." Harrgber nodded. "He asked me what you suspect to find."

Harrgber leaned in close to the other's man ear. "Croea." He said quietly enough for only those close enough to hear and the young man's eyes widened. He scampered away pushing through the seats back to other end of room.

"You're not serious, are you?"

Confounding old man… "About?"

"Croea!" Javid exclaimed and laughed but it was cut short by Harrgber's elbow being pressed into Javid's chest.

"Will you please keep yourself under control?" He glanced around but everyone else seemed preoccupied. "I am serious." He said sternly.

Javid found this humourous and began to laugh heartily again. Harrgber scowled at him.

"Call!" The second stone had ceased to spin. Voices began to die out into a dull silence. The Messo chittered amongst themselves until the largest of them turned to the face the crowd. "This vote is being called to determine the most effective route of information gathering on Dona tribes. All in favour of abandoning the convoy as a lure for observation, please indicate your support!"

A good amount of the Soír and the Soldiers indicated approval by placing chips down on the stone tables in front of their seats. Harrgber clicked his tongue as he glared around. There was a lull as the Messo counted the chips and a Soír Scalar recorded the results[5].

"Good. All in favour of assisting the convoy while scouting the area as a means to glean information, please indicate your support!"

Javid thrust his chip down onto the stone slab in front of his round belly. Harrgber pulled his chip from his robes and placed it down. He glanced around once again to see quite a hefty pool of people in favour. There was a tense pause as the votes were counted.

The Messo stood and smirked. "Results indicate that the majority have decided to sacrifice the convoy in order to observe the Dona's methods, allies, and possible cause. Word will be sent to the surrounding bases on how to handle future conflict situations. Thank you for your participation."

Javid began the uproar.

Men and women hollered at each and the arguing filled the Centre's cavern. It appears the Backus and his peers weren't enough to sway this … Harrgber tuned out the cacophony. It matters not…

"Hey!" Javid had grabbed him again but Harrgber shook him off. The Captain wanted to take his leave from the Centre. "Excuse me!" It was louder now. Several men and women began to crowd the Captain and started barking questions in his direction. The man's scarred face twisted from irritation to rage. Harrgber, for someone quite bold, was not at all fond of crowded spaces with copious bodies.

"You still intend to take students beyond the gate?" Javid spoke above the other Soldiers. Harrgber remained silent. "Take us with you! There are only fifteen. We will only use your teaching expedition as an excuse to open the gate. We won't be near you too long. I swear!" The old man's was desperate and breathed in heavily. He was fatigued from the intensity of the conversation and thinking about the fates of his subordinates.

Harrgber was about to deny the request when his gaze caught Raachelle descending from her place at the top rung of seats. He watched her white robes flow around her body despite the still room. She meandered toward the exit of the Centre and turned toward him. Her eyes met his and she softly beckoned for him to follow her before she slipped out the door.

Urgency overwhelmed him and he turned to Javid. "Meet with me tomorrow morning at the 4 hour's strike[6] in the Hult's third kitchen. I think I we can come to an arrangement."

Javid's old face lit up. "Good! I look forward to it!" He yelled at Harrgber's back as he pushed his way toward the exit.      

It was relief to leave the claustrophobic environment and breathe in the cold air of the tunnels outside the Centre. Harrgber scanned the area and watch the faces of the Soír bustling away. Most appeared satisfied at the outcome of the vote.

"Harrgber." Raachelle's voice was soft and cool. She wandered up to him and embraced him.

He went rigid in her arms. "Why did you suggest the sacrifice of the convoy?"

"It's practical." She withdrew from his body and smiled at him. "You're going to go there anyway, aren’t you?"

He grimaced at her prediction. What are you playing at here? "That's not true."

"Why not? Scouting will be simpler and more effective for you now that it's off the record."

"Why say that?"

"You dislike favouring bureaucratic protocol over practicality. You won't have to answer to anyone now. Go out under the guise of teaching and quickly obtain what you seek. Use the information to predict future moves of our enemies and chalk your actions up to Urr en Os[7]. I've seen dumb luck be advantageous before and you have a spotless record despite your insubordinate past." She smiled at him with her mouth but her eyes remained fixed on his face without flinching.

"I won't be going." He turned away from her. Raachelle was a conundrum that he could not reconcile. She infuriated him yet he found himself oddly drawn to her since his youth. Harrgber had been with many women but there was a feature of Raachelle's craftiness that made him admire her.

"Oh, I highly doubt that."

He ignored her comment continued slowly down the hall connected to the Anterior of the Warden in order to escape her and perhaps find something to eat. The hot sun of the day along with its frustration had made him tired but Harrgber knew he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight with the Dona on his mind. He felt a stern small hand grab his. Nails dug into his skin far enough to bring blood but Harrgber did not react to the pain in such a public place. He spun around to face Raachelle behind him. Her expression had changed from one of patronizing amusement to scowling contempt.

"You listen to me." She whispered. It sounded like the soft rattle of snake before it bit. He pulled away from her grasp but she only gripped tighter. "You will listen to me. I need you to do something for me."

"Why did you mention the sacrifice of the convoy?" He lowered his voice and placed his face closer to hers. "Why did you support that and now come to me in such haste telling me to go beyond the gate?"

She breathed heavily and stared at his eyes brown eyes. They both searched each other's faces for an expression that would give away the true intentions of the other. "The sacrifice is the best thing to do because it is practical. We will get a formal report from the survivors or from a neighboring faction without losing someone skilled," she placed her other hand on his chest and moved it up to his chin, "such as yourself."

He shooed her away from touching his face and shook his head. "You say this yet you encourage me to go without supervision. What do you want from me?"

"It's far easier to go under the table. You can desert the cause whenever you wish as you're not held to the same standards. I'm protecting you, Harrgber."

He shook his head.

"I need you to do something for me."

            

"What is it?"

Raachelle took a breath and sighed. She pulled her arms toward herself in a frantic motion and appeared to grow sorrowful. "I never got the chance to apologize to you about my daughter."

Harrgber had almost entirely forgotten the whole morning exchange with Jyacoren. "Right, it's fine."

        

"No, it isn't. That behaviour is unacceptable. I'm sorry she acted in such a terrible way. I was thinking about it and, you know, I'm worried about her standing in Infantry."

            

Oh, dear… "I'm sorry. I've made my decision. She's not going to participate in the exam. I don't want that obstinacy in the field."

            

"Wait!" She cried. "Look, I know my daughter, her head is swollen and she thinks she understands things before she even attempts them. She belittles your work because she's never experienced its direness. I think," She gulped, "you should take her with you tomorrow… take her beyond the wall and let her see action."

            

Harrgber's face broke into a genuine perplexed smile. He almost laughed out loud but suppressed it. "What!"

            

Raachelle glared at him. "I'm serious."   

            

"I'm extremely confused. You say you care for my safety and wellbeing by damning the wellbeing of others yet now you jeopardize me for your daughter's sake?"

            

"That's not true. She won't jeopardize you. My daughter may be arrogant but I have known her to be resilient to adversity. Besides, striking some fear into her heart may help her cause for the upcoming examinations. I want her to do well, Harrgber."

            

"I-"

            

"You don't want your meeting with Javid tomorrow to be reported before it occurs, do you?"

            

His eyes snapped to hers. "How did you know?"

            

She giggled. "I didn't know. I do know now, however."

            

Anger began to well up inside his belly but he hushed it down by slowing his breathing. "I will take her tomorrow but I cannot guarantee her safety. I recommend that you tell-"

            

"The exam?" Raachelle quipped through his sentence.

            

"If it goes well, I will let her participate in the exam."

            

Raachelle smiled again with her mouth but her eyes remained fixed on his. "Good."

            

Unbeknownst to the two in conversation, Mart, who had been stowing away in the crowd to remain unrecognized, slipped by the pair quietly and overheard the close to the conversation. His heart began to beat faster as he made his way outside the Warden. Why would her mother advocate for Jyacoren? The two had a complex history and it was a topic Mart tread carefully around when talking to his friend.   

            

He snuck back out into the cool air and was happy to be gone from the negotiations. He felt anxious for having overheard a conference that was not intended for his ears but perked at the news of Jyacoren's upcoming examination. He'd have good news to bring back so he considered the night to have been successful despite the ruckus.

         

With great fatigue, Mart began to decent of the stairs back his compound for the night.

~

She couldn't remember being sober and actually enjoying it.

 

"Leave me be." She slurred at someone trying to approach her. The young man drew back and scuttled off back into the darkness of the night. She couldn't remember where Mart had gone.

 

Jyacoren felt dizzy and sick but took another drink nevertheless. She'd stolen a large vile of hard liquor from behind the bar during the scuffle with Gesabelle which she'd been lucky enough to slip away from relatively unscathed. Her head and neck throbbed but the bruises and gashes stung less with the aid of alcohol. She giggled internally at the image of how colourful her complexion would turn in a couple of days.

 

Perhaps he's back at the compound. She wondered. He's a coward. The idea spurted into her mind but she waved away. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't have wanted to accompany myself into that conundrum. She silently forgave him, though there was not much to forgive anyway, and began to head in the general direction of the compound, Ayura Mona[8], with the aim of waltzing in and spending the night with the Soír. They'll... They'll not stop me; it's my birth place after all.

 

Orientation was never Jyacoren's strong suit and was exceptionally bad when intoxicated. She meandered a few blocks north of the park she'd be lurking around until reaching a massive stone wall.

 

This is- Oh. As it so happened, and it usually did, she'd traveled the wrong direction and ended up somewhere unfamiliar. Sleeping outside tonight? Maybe. A large smooth rock glinting in the moonlight caught her eye atop the wall. It resembled the skull of a small animal, perhaps a rodent of some sort. The girl had a quirk for collecting bones, wood, and rocks which seemed to be in abnormally pristine condition considering that they should be battered by the elements. She was fascinated by things that oddly remained beautiful without augmentation though the world be rough and unforgiving toward them.

 

The wall stood tall at a height of about three meters. She scanned it sloppily. I wonder if I can jump that high.

 

Jyacoren backed up a few feet and bent her knees. Her hips bobbed back and forward before springing up, darting, and then pouncing at the top of the wall. Her fingers clenched into the grimy rock of the barrier and frantically struggled to sink into the eroding material. There was a moment of confident grasp which was quickly interrupted by her hold taking out some of the loose dirt caked over the stones.

 

She felt herself stumble and slide back down the bottom. The debris raked into the skin of her palms and blood began to pool in the abrasions. Damn. She backed up and attempted the jump once again with the same result. You can't even tackle this wall.

 

"What'cha doing there?"

 

She turned stupidly startled. "Oh. It's you."

 

"Awe ha!" Said Kristoff. He feigned sorrow at her remark and shrugged. "Ah, can't blame ya. I guess I'd have the same reaction to myself."

 

Jyacoren ignored him and demanded, "Gimm'a boost." She masked her embarrassment with indifference.

 

"Sure!" He was happy to oblige. "What'cha aiming for?"

 

"See that stone?"

 

"Which?"

 

She grew irritated. "The one untouched obviously."

 

He still didn't see it but didn't mind all that much. "Can't quite reach?" He teased.

 

"I don't need your help." She set her body back again ready to leap.

 

"Hey, hey, no I didn't mean that." He tried to recover from his blunder.

 

She ignored him and launched forward with more ferocity now that she had an audience.  Her biceps strained and struggled to pull her body up the wall. She gripped into jutted rocks and clung. Okay, now where? She looked up and spotted a couple potential holds for hands and feet. Her face turned toward her goal. The stoned glinted invitingly.  

 

"Just get down. You're drunk!" Shouted Kristoff. "Where are you going? I'll take you there!" Though his intentions weren't necessarily the purest, he was genuinely concerned she would fall and injure herself more than it already appeared she had.

 

"Just a minute!" She hollered, fully intending to take more than just one minute. She squeezed her muscles tightly and then leapt toward a hold. Her drunken aim was far less than adequate however and she misjudged the ferocity of her grip. Her hands weakly clutched at nothing and she fell yet again.

 

"Damn it!" She got right back up and set her body into a position to sprint once more.

 

"What you're doing is pointless! You'll never reach it!" Kristoff yelled and her as she took off toward the wall once more. "Even so, why desire that thing to begin with? It's a useless pebble!"

 

She jumped to the best of her capacity and sunk her hands in about three quarters of the way up the wall. "It's a pearl of some sort! Don't you see it shining?" Indeed, the object was glistening just barely in the moonlight. The sparkling appeared to be caked in soft beige mud which gave it its smooth appearance.

 

"You're drunk!" He iterated once again. "Nothing is shining! Please come down from there now. I've seen people break bones this way."

 

"Break them I will!" She hollered and pounced at the top of the wall. Finally, her hands wrapped around the ledge and she hung stupidly from the top of the barrier. Jyacoren hesitated and felt like a dog that had suddenly caught a rabbit without knowing exactly what to do with it. She swung her nimble legs up and upon the top of the wall. Despite being regarded as rather lazy, she did frequent the gym quite often and did have her own disorganized routine. For a female, Jyacoren was quite strong and did often pride herself in the muscle she'd built by routinely lifting stones. In a crunch position now, she strained her abdomen to pull her up toward the plateau. Her body defied gravity and hurled itself forward until she sat atop the wall.

 

She grabbed the beautiful stone. The mud rubbed off in her fingers and covered her hands. The object was glowing brightly now. "Sometimes," she yelled at Kristoff, "it's worth the trouble!"

 

He was still worried. "How will you get down?"

 

"Ha." Jyacoren braced her arms to give herself momentum and simply jumped. She, drunkenly, fell quite hard. This was a grave misjudgment as the ground struck her lumbar spine and did actually fracture a disk near the thoracic aspect. "Aa!" She cried and lay moaning about across the ground.

 

Kristoff shook his head at her idiocy. "You would hurt yourself for a rock? Why?"

 

She grunted and groaned with her back throbbing. "It could heal…maybe? Injury is subjective to the body just as much as it is to the mind. I will choose not to feel it." Doctors were cruel to her and had become an aversion. She did not care for medicine much. "Why not hurt myself for a rock?"   

 

"You should not break bones."

 

"Why?"

 

"It is not healthy."

 

"Define health."

 

He thought for a second. "Health is a mind and body all content with itself."

 

She groaned at him. "If I were content at all to begin with, would I have obtained this pearl? I believe you equate contentment with a sort of stasis."

 

"Ah, I suppose." He thought again. "Discontentment may permeate you and then influence you toward irrational goals but you would have saved yourself the pain of your back had you stayed content! Why do you do that?" He questioned her and was quite curious.

 

She laughed while still lying on the ground. "Pain? It's not really pain."

 

He scoffed and laughed too. "What are you, some kind of masochist?"

 

"I believe we all are." She said.

 

What a funny thought. "Oh! You are a Soír, hee-hee." He giggled at her plight.

 

"Silence." She demanded and turned back to the older man. "I am no Soír."

 

"You clutch at pebbles from walls yet say you are no Soír but I suppose a Soír would not put itself into pain like you do."

 

"Pain is just an illusion. See?" Her back throbbed terribly but she closed her eyes and accepted the fact that it did. Once the acceptance occurred, the sensation dulled. She drew up from the ground. "No pain anymore."

 

"So interesting! Do you want to feel less pain?" Kristoff did have a fondness for the girl. He extended a few unwashed poppy seeds which could be steeped into a tea.

 

"I'd love that." Jyacoren grasped the opportunity and snatched the seeds from the other's hand like a rabid beast. "Thanks." She simply shoved them down her throat.

 

"You’re supposed to-

 

"To be honest, I really do not care about what one is supposed to do." 

---

[1] The second highest tier of the second class of power

[2] The highest tier of the second class of power - meaning: lesser Soír

[3] These are Dona tribes which oppose each other greatly. The Dona have historically been disorganized bands of tribes that are uncooperative with each other and with external sources. They border along Ougt and cause trouble with trade. There are about 6 different tribes scattered about around the outside of the province.

[4] (SO-la IN KAI-ta YOT-gee) Military Arms and Action Council - literally translates to "military that is paired with the action of a wise community".

[5] Scalar means writing or penmanship or records - these Soír house the results of government proceedings

[6] Approximately 7:00 a.m.

[7] (ER IN AUS) Luck and Fate - the two headed figure that is neither good nor evil - it is an indifferent figure unaligned with Ajahn or Croean

[8] Eh-UR-a MO-na: a compound that collectively houses the adolescents and children of the Soír - it means "a Haven for Admirers of Children (A- admirer, Yura - children and Mona - haven)

Author's Note

This has been switched up! Chapter 3 almost finished! Thanks to everyone who helped!

Reviews

[S. von Glaubitz]

Back for chapter 2!

Again, you develop such an admirably detailed world. You’re also really talented at developing character.

I do have a few comments, however.

The first has to do with the rather long tangent about Sparrow Dane, etc. Here it feels like it stops being a story and starts being a history lesson. In steering away from the action of the story, you also start to lose a sense of the narrator. Skipping all that background stuff and getting right to Gesebelle being envious of her brother makes for a more emotional story and one that is more likely to suck in a reader. This is only chapter two. You managed to hook interest in the first chapter, but it’s early enough that a reader might feel a sort of bait and switch had been played on them and they could easily move on to something else.

Is the man in the mausoleum when Gesebelle shoots him? That’s hard to picture… Or did she drag him there?

Not that you need help with world-building, but the calendar and hours of the day are measured differently, but the width of the screw is measured by millimeters and the gate is measured by tons. Should you come up with all unique systems of measurement?

Very interesting relationship between Samuel and Gesebelle. I like that Gesebelle has more affection for Samuel than he does for her. They come off convincingly as siblings. It doesn’t feel forced. Also, I like how this scene develops they’re characters individually. Samuel is the most interesting character to me so far.

Later in the Jya portion, you describe the climate as Mediterranean. Are we in a world where the Mediterranean exists? If not, this is anachronistic and you should find a different way to describe the climate.

I’m starting to wonder where this is going… Partially in a good way and partially not. There are a lot of interesting events transpiring and characters being introduced, but so far nothing that directs me toward an idea of the broader plot or overarching problem Jya and company will be facing. Two rather long chapters in, it might be time to incorporate that somehow.

Overall, though, good work! There’s such a lot of thought going into this story. I’m eager to see what happens next.

[The Lazy Layman]

Thank you for the review!

Hm, yea I have to push around that blurb or at least shorten it.

The victim was able to hobble about and hide from her! I was picturing that; maybe I should include something to explain that.

That's interesting about the measurement! I think I'm going to do that actually ha-ha, I didn't think about that! Also about the climate, perhaps I should describe it differently now that you mention it... it makes sense to do something relevant to the world at hand and then compare it to the Mediterranean.

Yes! I'm getting there bare with me please!! This is my first crack at writing something long and not just writing poetry so I may be fumbling around a bit! As I go, I may edit out bits and pieces; we will see!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!