Prologue.

Ok this book is being remade to be better, more in depth longer chapters. so I'll be taking some time to redo this, I'll be posting in my blog more about Jaso

The first king of Tarra was Zane Varrail, he was the strongest of all the people and he fought for his place in the young kingdom. He had a daughter, Seraphim, and a son, Lance, Zane was the most aggressive of the kings, and he died in combat, protecting his people from invaders. Seraphim was the second ruler of Tarra and its first queen, she was the quickest, and had mastered elemental control of water. She married Albion Venral, together they had one son Masion, Seraphim passed the throne to her younger brother and died of old age. Upon becoming the third king, Lance made the first law of royalty, only those that bare the name of Varrail may sit upon the throne. He had two sons with his wife Alana, Lance passed the crown to his oldest son when he turned seventeen, and Lance died protecting his wife from a beast. Vance, upon becoming the forth king, created the warriors of arc; they are the protectors of the kingdom. Vance died of illness early one morning. Salron took up the crown and led the kingdom in his brothers place as the fifth king, he did not marry but had one son Ravin, his mastered element was fire, Salron died from not knowing his limits and used all his energy making a sword for future kings to carry, The Kingsblade. Ravin took his father’s place at the throne; he married Kyla Venral, and had twin sons, who fought since they were born. Ravin and Kyla left Tarra to go and learn more about themselves. The elder twin became the seventh king and mastered the wind element, and the younger twin joined the warriors of arc and mastered the earth element. Leon married sellina and had four children, Jaden, Jenala, and Jewl. My name is Jaso Varrail; I am the guardian of earth and the next in line to be king of my planet. The beautiful landscape of Tarra goes on forever, so it would seem, stone buildings line the Kingdom of Arc with the castle in the center of the city. On Tarra everyone has powers, from the simplicity of flight to the much harder to use elemental control. The people of Tarra use their powers for just about everything from making food to defending our home world from invaders, we're taught from a young age to use and control our abilities. My parents and my older siblings were killed when I was eight years old, by a man of darkness, his name is Maliron. They died protecting my little sister and me, my older brother died first, that's when we realized that we were in a lot of danger, with his dying breath my father sent me to earth, to be saved from death, so that I may fight for our kingdom and avenge my family. I am sixteen now, and I will hunt down Maliron and make him pay for what he has done to my family.

Author's Note

in each chapter i will put a picture of a character
this is jaso varrail the main character of the book,

Reviews

[Timeless-Chan]

I like the idea, it seems that we've found ourselves a new hero that we just need to root for. On that note I'd be better if you put more detail into his background. I haven't read the next chapter yet so I don't know if you do this but I think you should hold some of this info for the actual book and not the Prologue. When I think of Prologue I think, something that pulls the readers in but doesn't give to much away. When I pick up a book I go straight to the prologue (if it has one) and I read it. if I get interested from the short prologue and I feel like i'd enjoy the book I buy it. As a suggestion why don't you try putting the scene where his family dies as the prologue. It would bring the readers in and make them want to know whats happening to this poor kid! Make it a big battle and he's a small kid, have him see his family die and then show the scene of his father's dying order. Then in the later stuff you can give info on his background, make him explain it to someone of have someone ask and then have him thinking about his history.

Also don't make him to surreal. Everyone likes a superman but they love characters that they can relate with. Maybe he couldn't complete his training so not only did he face to cope with earth but he also has to learn to control his powers without any ones help. Make him have a few weaknesses and really pull in the readers pity-factor. I know that you usually don't want your characters to be weak and pitiful but you need to make them humanish (even if he's from a majorly cool different planet and has super power and what not!)

Now to the good points, You have a very solid background for him which will help out in the long run. It will help with character development and what not as he grows as a character. He has an interesting background that he may or may not hide. That to will influence his character and whether he will open up to someone or not. The story will most likely progress rather nicely as long as you keep in mind what he's gone through and what trama he's been through. I really do look forward to reading the rest of this!

Please keep up the good work and remember my comment is meant to help you grow as a writer not become discouraged!

~Dreamer!

[Joshua David Vrana]

thank you for your comment, jaso is my first character that will go through alot of pain before he becomes what his father wants him to be

[Timeless-Chan]

That's good because it will really draw us in to wanting to read more and root for him! Just make sure you bring into effect the emotions he's feeling from all that's happened and I'm sure this will be a good story!

[Joshua David Vrana]

i will, my fav part is what i'm curently writing, when he is found by his familys killer

[Timeless-Chan]

oh boy O_O that's going to be interesting!

[Joshua David Vrana]

yes, and Melody is living part of that story now

[Timeless-Chan]

really O_O omg!

[Joshua David Vrana]

yes jaso will survive his second meeting with maliron, but his school (Arc high) is destroyed

[Timeless-Chan]

Awhhh:( that's sad!

[Joshua David Vrana]

yes as i want it to be

[Timeless-Chan]

ahah good:)

[the crying cup]

It's kinda all clumped together and is in need of some editing, but I like how the story is going. But try removing the exstensive genealogical account at the beggining and just tell what would be important to the story. Like who the current king's parents are and what king he is (eighth? ninth?)

[Kenny Alby]

Multiple spelling errors, and no real structure. The detail extension is good, but it still is only a basic structure. I recommend finding some online sources for creating paragraphs, and the like. Perhaps one of the creative writing resources that are available on this page.

Adding more imagery is also something that could create a more concrete visualization of the subject matter. Also "Leon married sellina and had four children, Jaden, Jenala, and Jewl." is a fallacy. That's only three children listed, and I'm assuming Jaso is the fourth, but you should have said "Leon married Sellina and had four children, Jaden, Jenala, Jewl, and me, Jaso." Of course, that's just an example, feel free to come up with your own interpretation.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Well, it's concise to say the least, we establish the protagonist is a prince with, what earthlings would call, supernatural powers, let's read on!