Oh beautiful death.. How I yearn to feel the numbing cold that gathers at your fingertips, brushing my feverish skin. Quieting the painful thoughts that eat at my mind.
Oh beautiful death.. I will remove the salt from my doors so that you may enter freely and grant my most honest request. I want to die.
Oh beautiful death.. I am so tired. I willingly open my heart to you. May your darkness grow within me so that I can choke out all hope.
Oh beautiful death.. Bring me to my knees in prayer for your swift coming. Hear my cries of salvation from the slavery of a lifetime of feeling the hurt that surrounds me.
Oh beautiful death.. Snuff the fire from my eyes and fill them with your blank stare. Take away my mobility for the comfort of being froze within your icy embrace.
Oh beautiful death.. Wash over me and still my already labored breath. Speed through my veins and overcome all sources of this cursed life. Replace my containment with your blessed void.
A powerful poem. Remind me of the old story of old. People in mourning would wish for death over life. Nice flow of thoughts in the poem. I believe if you don't like the place you are at. Move and find a place you are content. Death is a death-end street. Thank you for a outstanding poem.
Coyote
the religious tones are a little much in some places, for me and the ending seems a bit abrupt, but what you've created is so... it seems to ache almost with the things it says, the things it yearns for.
Your relationship with death is yes, disturbing, but so unique. Your outlook brings so much to the table, and the sweetness of your words makes it taste better.
This is a WONDERFUL piece of writing.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
You reflected the perfect death in all its facets, as it is simply, to die, and to feel, to put aside all fear, and pure dedication. Nothing less or more than wonderful, and peaceful in it's acceptation of the coming darkness, a.k.a. lightness.... ;)
"Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; " played through my mind, but in a twisted sort of way. The lust for death is almost intoxicating, yet you made it beautiful all the same. I can feel the presence of you in every single line, and your emotions were delicately woven throughout. Amazing
'Bring me to my knees in prayer
for your swift coming.
Hear my cries of salvation from
the slavery of a lifetime of feeling
the hurt that surrounds me.'
Those lines stuck out to me. I love the pure rawness of the words. Well written!
This is a captivating and intense write. I like the expression and the feeling of this piece. I like the style and the pace and flow is excellent. I think this would make a terrific song. Definitely going to read more of your work. =)
I really like the images in each stanza, but I think they speak for themselves. I think you could keep the phrase, "beautiful death," in the title, and remove it from the poem entirely. I also think you could do without the, "I want to die," in the second stanza. You've already shown it through the allusion. And its removal would also detract from any melodrama that might inhibit your voice.
Nice piece, though. It's hard to write about suicidality without the whiny-teenager tone.
"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..