the arrogant mage

11/2011 (Fantasy Installment Two)

The shadowy clouds that gathered above

matched the heart of the young man

that rode a hellish steed, expeditiously 

towards the impending and soaring citadel

He had studied long and laboriously in

consideration of this glorious day, he 

had ruthlessly murdered countless clergy  

in order to absorb enough spiritual essence 

To ascend to the level of the most high

gods, to return and reign over this lowly

world with superiority and fear, laughter bursts

out as he makes his way to the massive entrance

This was his destiny, pushing open the door

he walks in whistling a favorite tune, in the

center of the room was a perfectly square

mirror, no reflection just murky silvery swirls

His black mantle flutters as he rushes to the

ethereal gateway, a monk stands up from

the tables that surrounds the speculum in an

effort to stop the dark wizard's advancement 

Lightning stabs through the walls and strikes

the ill fated servant, thunder follows as he 

falls to the floor and the arrogant mage steps

over the smoking body to stands before the portal

Lifting his arms upward, he commands that

the gods receive him into their divine dimension

and grant him the powers that he so rightfully deserves,

a huge hand reaches out and squashes him like a bug

Author's Note

"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

Reviews

[Nobody.]

Really enjoyed. I'm a sucker for a horse and sword story of any kind, especially when there's magic afoot. Really nice imagery, and foreshadowing. The only constructive crit I can offer is that in the last line of stanza five....there should be an apostraphe on "dark wizard's advancement." just a typo. Kickass poem dude.
Cheers!

[Aidz]

kewl Joshua like the last line :)

[Dahlia Phoenix]

"Lifting his arms upward, he commands that
the gods receive him into their divine dimension
and grant him the powers that he so rightfully deserves,
a huge hand reaches out and squashes him like a bug"

I enjoyed this but this reminded me almost of Skyrim because of the format you wrote this in trying to achieve absolute power. Never put pride before others is one way to learn from this. The foreshadowing is great because you can think about what will happen but other than that, awesome piece! Your imagination expands from just simple words.

[Liza]

lol - the ending I saw coming but the build up was an intellectual delight, i'm glad i found you; you're unique and full of surprising insights.

[Draven]

This is great. I love things of this sort.

ooo, I has a feeling lurking that somebody's getting better at writing ^_^
A wonderful job, personally find this to be a poem showing improvements, especially in your fantasy installments. I also like the twist, unlike mine who usually does a wine and dine for the worst to evoke emotion, yours was done with a more rightly so adjustment with justice done in the final run.
What I have to say that really shines is the storyboard progression in this poem, it really follows through worthy of great praise ;) perhaps a next thing to work for is your transitioning from stanza to stanza... I gotta say, prose poetry is probably the harder types if not the most since it's a collection of various other types of poetry and plus on it's way to being flash fiction somewhat... Perhaps another thing about fantasy genres to point out so you can work on this is to not be too cliche...
Being a genre that deals with exaggeration, this is really hard to pull off, but much like there are cliches in society (real life) there are cliches in Fantasy genres also... most of the times cliches come across from either overused character tropes. So the best thing to do to remedy this is to make something unfamiliar, however present it in an descriptive manner, OR if you want to use a familiar trope, you should do the reverse, describe it as if it were unfamiliar to the reader... A little bit of a step up ^_^ but I'm sure you can pull it off ;)
Overall I give it a 98/100, left me amused and impressed through show of nodding.. well-done greatly so, keep up the good work ^_^

[Ruth]

You have such talent to convey a story in a poem such as this love :) It carries so well with a great ending, as always..a favourite!
xoxo

[Thea]

That made me speechless...
This poem is just excellent...I love it...Fantastic piece!
:)))
Keep it up!

[~Sarah~ Idríel T..]

Really amazing!

[EMF]

Another great fantasy read. You capture the world and style perfectly. I hope you will develop these ideas they make one hell of a read, and handled with class.