the arrogant mage

11/2011 (Fantasy Installment Two)

The shadowy clouds that gathered above

matched the heart of the young man

that rode a hellish steed, expeditiously 

towards the impending and soaring citadel

He had studied long and laboriously in

consideration of this glorious day, he 

had ruthlessly murdered countless clergy  

in order to absorb enough spiritual essence 

To ascend to the level of the most high

gods, to return and reign over this lowly

world with superiority and fear, laughter bursts

out as he makes his way to the massive entrance

This was his destiny, pushing open the door

he walks in whistling a favorite tune, in the

center of the room was a perfectly square

mirror, no reflection just murky silvery swirls

His black mantle flutters as he rushes to the

ethereal gateway, a monk stands up from

the tables that surrounds the speculum in an

effort to stop the dark wizard's advancement 

Lightning stabs through the walls and strikes

the ill fated servant, thunder follows as he 

falls to the floor and the arrogant mage steps

over the smoking body to stands before the portal

Lifting his arms upward, he commands that

the gods receive him into their divine dimension

and grant him the powers that he so rightfully deserves,

a huge hand reaches out and squashes him like a bug

Author's Note

"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

Reviews

[Nobody.]

Really enjoyed. I'm a sucker for a horse and sword story of any kind, especially when there's magic afoot. Really nice imagery, and foreshadowing. The only constructive crit I can offer is that in the last line of stanza five....there should be an apostraphe on "dark wizard's advancement." just a typo. Kickass poem dude.
Cheers!

[Victorious]

Dear joshua deathdealer,

Nice one. I like how you take all the dark imagery and diction weaving it together to build up the arrogance of the mage. Indeed, the ending was comical and made me laugh, but the way it was built up like the tower of Babel, lol. Words like "studied laboriously" and "what he thought he deserved" to show us all that our own understanding of things can most certainly fail us. All that exalting himself, only to be humbled to an insect. "Those that exalt themselves are humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted." I enjoyed this.

Thank you very much for sharing!

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God bless

[joshua deathdealer]

Thank you for pointing that out. It was a very hard poem for me. In fact this book has been a real task but it's all in fun.

[Victorious]

Ah, sticking to it is probably the hardest thing to do as a writer, lol. You can do some real fun mixing fantasy and symbolism together!

[joshua deathdealer]

Yes it works very well.

[SabrinaThePoet]

I like all of them, but this is my favorite one.

[BreeBree1983]

Very discriptive, great imagery!

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

I am enjoying yet another side of your writing. I especially like how you are breaking your second line mid-sentence. it gives a unique cadence to the piece. Your descriptives are not yet quite as strong as they could be, but I have no doubt you will bring that along with your usual ability to improve in great leaps withing in short time frames. Nice Josh(usa) which is it? You are one that I truly enjoy reading because you are always working to stretch, improve and strengthen your voice. Keep at it.

[Rhea752]

I LOVE IT. the imagery was absolutely amazing and i loved the ending. he so rightfully got what he deserved. :P

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

Loved it! Very good lesson here. Awesome use of vocab.

[GunMetal]

There must be worlds inside your head. I liked this a lot. So much can be taken away from this. I was wondering how you were going to end it, and you did not fail to deliver. I did notice though that you might want to edit the last line of the third verse: "as he makes his way-"
Great write.

[EMMIE]

Awesome imagery...as always. I feel like this could make a great story even a whole book if you stretch out the concept. Interesting stuff!

[Layla J Omorose]

HAHAHAHA good for him. That's what he gets for his actions. This was more of a story that a poem, but either way this was a great.

[M.E.Lyle]

If that ain't the truth, just ask they guy who tossed the football to the turf BEFORE crossing the goal line....NO SCORE. I loved this, it was intense and mysterious, with a great message. I've always liked that quote "Pride goeth before the fall. Good job deathdealer.